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Update Aug. 2022 This is where I am now. Not marriage, but living together I think. My bf whom I am only 75% happy with wants me to come and live in the US and says he can facilitate that. We get on great, we share being artists and writers, but.... he is not exciting and our sex life rates on a GR scale 1.5, rounded down. But I'm not getting any younger. All my relationships last a year, year and a half, and maybe I should settle for Mr. Good Enough and find happiness in what we share together.
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I read one more chapter after DNF'ing the book. It was on a dating coach and percentages and realising that you (the woman over 35) are not only 'not all that', you are 'not very much at all'. The author is 5'2" and wants a man of 5'10"+ and the coach says why not move your limit down to 5'5" but she feels she couldn't possibly date a man that short. Only 15% of men are over 6' and 80% of women want one. She says her age range is 35 to 48. Then she doesn't like men say this, ask for that, have a motorbike or like audiobooks. So the coach eventually works out that she has only a 5% chance of meeting someone who meets all her requirements.

Factor in her religious requirements (they have to be the same religion as her with the same level of observance) and it turned out to be 0.1%. That is one man in ten thousand. Would she, for that man, should she meet him, fit his bill?

She was 41, a bad age for an older man who wants biological children, she's 41, men prefer women under 35 no matter what age they are, she has a child, men do not like single women with children. She's got OCD with placement of her items - they can't be touched, is indecisive about everything, can't cook, gets stressed out and explodes really easily (she admits to all of these) and so on.

Where does that leave me? I am full of off-putting flaws. (view spoiler)[ I can cook, but won't - nothing domesticated will I do unless I have to (view spoiler)[I just had to clean the bottom of the fridge out there was some suspicious black slimy stuff. It might have been last week's lettuce, but who knows? (hide spoiler)], won't ever commit to living in the same country as anyone for more than three months at a time (and until this year, never have since I left the UK to go sailing). Actually that last one has been the biggest turn off for the guys. They get to know me in Florida, and I'm back in the Caribbean, or in Thailand or somewhere else in or out of the US. So this time when I go end of the month, I'm staying for min. 3 months. Unless I get a good invite to go somewhere else. (hide spoiler)]
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The whole book is terribly distressing because it is mistitled. The true title should be "Women are past their sell-by date as future mothers at 35: how to settle for a man who is divorced and already has children and pays alimony and whom you only have a few things in common, but at least he's willing to commit." If I had read that I wouldn't have got the book, I don't want to read about how I long missed my chance and now as far as men are concerned, I'm just invisible, undesirable, not worth bothering about.

She's talking about how dating agencies, matchmakers and the like say that a woman of 38 wanting a goodlooking man with a good job, tall and all his hair is going to have to downsize, because she's not the prize to attract an A+ man anymore. What a load of tosh. I'm on the verge of dnf'ing this book. I've dnf'd this book. Thank you, Malia your review made up my mind.

Speeddating at 41 The author pays a lot of money to go to an upscale speeddating evening. There are 10 women between early and late forties. There are only 6 men most in their 50s and 60s. The organisers said that men want younger women so they lie about their age and if they didn't let them in they would go out of business. So an expensive and wasted evening for all concerned, except the organisers.

Me at 48, husbands and my personality faults (view spoiler)[ At 48, and newly-separated, a friend send to me it was wonderful to get a date, it wasn't like your teens when there were loads of men. At 48 I had more dates than in my teens, I was less shy and my ex came round three nights a week to be with our son, so I always made sure (if I didn't have a boyfriend) I would have a date or at least going out with the girls to a club to find one. But I had changed. In my teens I was looking for boyfriends, and found them. I was with my first husband from the age of 19. But at 48 I was still looking for the same and discarded men for silly, facile reasons of looks and the like. Like a kid in a candy shop, too much choice, so you get a bag and put a few in of each and eat them all in a non-discriminatory (hide spoiler)]

"The Husband Store A new store has opened. A huband store! There’s a sign at the entrance: You may visit the husband store only once. There are six floors, and the value of the products increase on each successive floor. The shopper can choose any item from a particular floor, or go up to shop on the next floor, but she cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So, a woman goes into the store. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor I—Men Who Have Good Jobs. “That’s nice,� she thinks, “but I want more.� So she continues upward, where the sign reads:
Floor 2—Men Who Have Good Jobs And Love Kids. She’s intrigued, but continues to the third floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 3—Men Who Have Good Jobs, Love Kids, And Are Extremely Handsome.“Wow,� she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
Floor 4—Men Who Have Good Jobs, Love Kids, Are Extremely Handsome, And Help Equally With The Housework. “It can’t get better than this!� she exclaims. But then a voice inside her asks, “Or can it?� She goes up and reads the sign.
Floor 5—Men Who Have Good Jobs, Love Kids, Are Extremely Handsome, Help Equally With The Housework, And Have A Great Sense Of Humor. Having found what she’s looking for, she’s tempted to stay, but something propels her to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6—You Are Visitor 42,2i5,602 To This Floor. There Are No Men On This Floor. This Floor Only Exists To Prove That Women Are Impossible To Please. Thank You For Shopping At The Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a Wife Store right across the street.
The first floor has wives who Love Sex.
The second floor has wives who Love Sex and Are Kind.
The third floor has wives who Love Sex, Are Kind, and Like Sports.
The fourth, fifth, and sixth floors have never been visited." (The beginning of the book).

That woman is me to a T. I never used to be like that. My first husband was my teenage sweetheart and we were both artists and loved music and writing and books and wanted to escape Wales for London. We ended up as platonic friends. My second husband was a government official, a handsome man, in the top political family of the island. He loved writing, fishing and sex (in reverse order). (view spoiler)[We ended up because he turned into a drunkard having affairs and beating me up - I lost a front tooth and the day my son got in the way of a punch is when it was all over. (We get on now, but that is 20 years later).

My longest relationships after that, all concurrent for a time were with a captain, a pirate and a QC (lawyer). Then after that, (hide spoiler)] I started to go to Florida and it was like men everywhere and coffee, lunch and dinner dates and I didn't have to settle.

All I did was be flattered and have fun and when I could have made a good relationship, could have settled for Mr Good Enough and we could have grown together as friends and partners, I stupidly didn't. The knight in gold armour on the proud white horse is Prince Charming, the Shrek version.

I need to change. The borders opened on 1st Dec. We've been locked down since March. I'm leaving after Christmas and I have three men to see and I have to stop this shit. I want to be in love, I want to be loved. I want a partner to hold hands with when we go out walking. Relationships are not jigsaws with ever piece fitting perfectly. I know this but cannot act like it. I know it is more important to be with a nice kind man with whom I get along and we laugh a lot and have sex a lot and travel independently every now and again.

This is not for anyone to read, but it's ok to do so. It's really written to remind myself where I am, the mistakes I've made. Because I'm determined to move forward. And hope that this book can help. (view spoiler)[

The last three relationships have been disastrous. 2017 I was living in Marco Island on a yacht with a Treasury Special Agent who carried a gun. He was such a big mouth he got thrown out and we moved up to Longboat Key. He used to come up to the island and my son said he was a bully.

But I was so desperate to be in a relationship I put up with the constant sniping - I didn't do the washing up right, I didn't make the bed right, I didn't for fuck's sake flush the marine toilet right. I moved his precious XP computer 2" to fit mine on to the chart table. So I sat somewhere else and did no more housework (I did flush the toilet though. Marine toilets are not like house ones, you have to pump. They smell. I put fabuloso down it, diluted. He screamed I would rot the rubber. And if you want to do more than pee, you have to go to the marina - the toilets were nearly 0.2 of a mile away. He ripped the earphones out of my ears to tell me off about that, two days of constant sulking and shouting. It took 16 months before I saw the light.

Then the next guy, Ed, lived between Miami and the next door islands. Handsome, drove a C300, collected art, travelled everywhere in the world just to go to galleries, took me to the fanciest restaurants and most exciting clubs, sent me a romantic picture of a rainbow arcing between our islands. He cast me as his perfect woman, and talked about all his other women. I could see he was a three strikes and your out man. But after two and a half, I left. My niece is a deputy attorney general on his island. She told me he used to berate his wife in public, didn't always pay for services (he owns a shopping mall) and was doing community service for fixing property auctions with a couple of politicians. Nice. But the chemistry between us is extraordinary and we are still in touch. I'm keeping him in mind, one sometimes needs a friend for the benefits.

So then there is a gap, and I go on Tinder and Bumble, and I am having lunch dates and dinner dates, and sometimes coffee dates too. Two or three a day. I'm not young, my son is 28, I can't believe this. These are nice men, a philosophy professor, an ex rap star turned trucking company owner (his pic is on my group), a major gallery owner, a marine scientist, an international golf course designer, a fabulously-handsome Cuban lawyer, there was even a prince from the Cameroons, and I never stop dating. They aren't perfect, I'm looking for 'the one' and I know he's there, so I always move on.

Last year, I hit the jackpot, on Bumble, the billionaire racing car driver. He was cool, dominant, collects and commissions art - he has exquisite taste (pics on group). We drive around in an Aston Martin and Ferraris (plural). Racing in Daytona staying in his million-dollar motorhome and I do three laps in a Corvette. I can see he's a three strikes man but I attempt to stay under 2.5. And then, sadly, I'm out.

So what do I do, do I learn that all this dating around, all these mega-desirable men just all lack something I want so two or three dates and I'm gone, that these are not the right men for me, that I'm looking for the wrong things, that I'm like the proverbial kid in the candy shop. Why don't I think what I'm looking for and stop caring about looks and living the high life? After all I don't really care about the high life, it's just fun. I'd be happy enough sailing around on a guy whose house is his boat and whose a carpenter or rigger by trade. Oh there was one of those too. A rigger with a nice boat. Fabulous hard body, wore pink fishnet tights and a satin thong under his jeans and stole my panties (and took a pic of himself in them and posted it on his site. That made me laugh).

I'm lonely, I want a boyfriend. I can see I'm not going about it the right way, one man after the other, occasionally a short affair, but not usually, there is no time for that. So what do I do realising I'm doing it all wrong? After the racing car driver I go to stay with a friend in Boca Raton and - three dates a day again. It's wearing me out all this flattery proving I'm still desirable and can sparkle like the champagne over dinner. What is the point of this? I leave Boca and go to Delray. There I meet Ian, he was at school with the racing car driver, he drives a 10 year old pickup and lives on a ranch, he's a legal person so can indulge himself. We only had one date but we were cosy together. And I'm going to stay with him for New Year and I'm trying to tell myself, that this is a guy who has already said he would marry me for citizenship if I needed it, this is a guy who is warm and chatty who doesn't go to clubs, who doesn't want to travel any more but wants a partner. So what do I do?

I get Covid is what.

Recovering I went back to Miami and decided to go home to the island. But... there is a nice guy, a big black guy, drives a C300 like Ed (everyone leases them in Miami), collects art, takes me out for a fancy lunch then art galleries. He's head of a Florida city bar association. He messages me, he's a three strikes man I can feel it. And.. I really have to stop this and think he's exciting and maybe it would work.

Then Leonard. I've never met Leonard, but we've chatted a lot. He has a place in NY where he was locked down, but he's in Fort Lauderdale now and I'm supposed to see him when I get down. He wants us to go off to Bangkok and then Wuhan where he has a place (he had furniture made there).He's an entrepreneur who invests in ideas. I was an electronics designer and I have at least two ideas that would work and don't need hardly any development. So I'm excited.

This is ridiculous right? Why can't I just settle for what makes a good relationship? Why do I keep wanting everything, good looking, nice car, intellectual, likes fancy restaurants, nice and kinky where it counts. Ian is the best for building a relationship with but I always think there's going to be someone perfect that the next time I swipe right will magically appear (actually it's Ed and the racing car driver who turn up all the time. They are always on the hunt, or perhaps like me, can't settle).

As an aside my best friend's gf (my bf is a guy, he has several gfs, not monogamous and open about it) wants to know how I attract such rich men on the dating sites which she does to. And the answer is I have no idea. I just swipe right on the handsome ones in the right age group who don't say they don't like this in a woman and they want that or whine about their ex. I'm not rich, I dress from Old Navy and Rainbow clothes (best bras universe and under $10) and drive a 2013 battered Outlander. It doesn't seem to put the guys off though. I do have fancy accommodation in downtown Miami though, but only because I get a deal. (hide spoiler)]