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I live in an eponymous “quaint English village��. Well, a small country town, but it is quaint and has all the hallmarks of an “English Murder Village��, which is why it has been the location for a Miss Marple film and episodes of Midsomer Murders, Hammer House of Horror, and Morse, among others.

I’ve not murdered anyone (yet), and obviously I’ve not been murdered (yet), but as a lifelong local, I know the signs. You, dear reader, may not. Forewarned is forearmed.

This short stocking-filler illustrates the clichés of the English murder mystery genre in delightful and recognisable ways. It’s based on a that went viral nearly two years ago, now published with lots of illustrations, slightly reminiscent of Edward Gorey.

It’s written by a USican, ostensibly for US readers, but as a Brit, living in such a place, it was a very enjoyable frippery, though it took almost as long to assemble this review as to read it. Like , it lovingly, ludicrously, and humorously satirises the predictable implausibility of . The only obvious omission is a famous, fictional Belgian.


Image: Stairs are the “xylophones of death��


This book gives advice about how to spot and avoid such deadly dangers. It's vital information and impossible to guess if you don't know:
��You will not know you are in a Murder Village, as they look like all other villages.��

The book describes and illustrates the main features of Murder Villages (pub, church, vats, fancy antique shop that’s never open), the people who live there (newest and oldest residents, “anyone who looks out windows��, the constable), and the associated manor (hounds, library, maze, attic, as well as the family, guests, and staff), highlighting the hidden perils of each. Explanations range from two words to half a page, and there are two short quizzes.


Image: “Statuary: They look so real, don't they? So very real. Almost as if they're made of actual people.��


Quotes

�� “The village shop: It sells cheese, stamps, tea, and death.��

�� “The highest trophy in the cricketing world is literally an urn full of ashes, so you can’t pretend you weren’t warned.��

�� “The gun room: Strangely, it’s safer than the study.��

�� “You have no choice. You must kill [x]. Sometimes the murderer is you.��

�� “Chimneys: Orphan storage.��

�� “The aristocracy have three passions: inbreeding, collecting stolen artifacts, and engaging in recreational violence�� Beware of any events in progress, especially a dynastic inheritance struggle.��


Image: The village fete is more dangerous than The Hunger Games