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"How can anything be true then? How do you know what's real?"

Holy shit. I was not prepared for this.

I'm not even sure where to begin with my review. I guess I'll start with that I couldn't put this book down. At times, I wasn't even sure what I was reading; I only knew that I had to find out where this story was going and how it would resolve. Idol takes on a LOT of fascinating themes without ever becoming weighed down by them.

She knew there was nothing more powerful than a woman finally given permission to scream.

We start by meeting our protagonist, Samantha Miller-- a social media lifestyle guru who has built a business empire and sold books on the back of recreating herself after her sexual assault and struggles with addiction. Samantha recently penned an essay about a formative sexual experience with her best friend and the essay went viral. But now her manager has received an email from Lisa, the aforementioned best friend, saying she remembers it quite differently.

As the persona Samantha has created for herself starts to crumble, she decides to revisit her old friend and the past.

On the one hand, the book is an exploration of the nature of memory and truth. How well do we really remember the past? Most people today have heard the phrase "my truth". The question is: is this something to be sneered at? Surely there isn't "my truth" and "your truth" but only "THE truth", right? But what if there isn't? What if the "truth" is dependent upon your point of view? What if someone else has a very different view of an experience you had? It's a chilling thought.

Was this what it meant to be an adult, everyone reframing their childhood experiences to paint themselves as the victim?

And we also see in Idol the truth of the adage that if you tell a lie enough times, you start to believe it yourself.

On the other hand, the book delves deep into the life of social media stars and "cancelling". We often place unrealistic expectations on "influencers", expect them to be perfect, and far too many people delight in tearing them down when it turns out they weren't as perfect as they were pretending to be. Nothing makes us smell blood like hypocrisy, after all.

Sam is a mess, there's no other way to say it. Flawed, manipulative, caught up in herself and the version of her she presents to the world, but O'Neill has created a messy character that I couldn't tear myself away from. I wonder if I was reading as wide-eyed as I felt.

While reading this I kept thinking about a quote I've seen now and then-- "Life is the story we tell ourselves" --a phrase which has always struck me as lovely and poetic. After finishing this book, it seems downright sinister.

CW: sexual assault, addiction and substance abuse, disordered eating.