Sign in with Facebook
Caroline's Reviews > Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change
Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change
by
by
Caroline's review
bookshelves: psychology, 5-star-books
May 02, 2022
bookshelves: psychology, 5-star-books
Read 2 times. Last read May 2, 2022.
I found this book fascinating. It is written for people who have loved ones with a substance or behavioural abuse disorder. If you have a partner, parent or child with with any of these issues, I think you might well find this book invaluable.
It was written by four members of staff at CMC - The Centre for Motivation and Change and its approach is commonly known as CRAFT (community reinforcement and family training.)
The subtitle of the book is "How science and kindness help people change" - and the book is all about helping people change using behavioural techniques, understanding and kindness. It is also about laying down boundaries, with explanations about how to ignore negative behaviours without being punitive. It takes on board the levels of frustration or despair that you might be feeling - and a lot of the book stresses the importance of improving your own quality of life. It also sympathises with the urge we often have to speak out of anger, whilst showing us clearly that a critical stance does not promote change in our loved ones. And yes, it's hard work. Often deeply counter-intuitive. This book really asks the reader to step back and make some major changes in the ways in which they may have been behaving and communicating with a loved one with these problems.
I usually end my reviews with a lot of notes. In this instance I have bought the book rather than borrowed it from the library, so I won't be doing that. I also very rarely keep books, but will definitely be keeping this one.
I'd like to end by say that there are several excellent and enlightening reviews of the book here on Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ. I think the pick of the bunch is by Morgan Blackledge...and highly recommend it if you want to find out more.
/review/show...
Definitely a 5 star read as far as I'm concerned.
It was written by four members of staff at CMC - The Centre for Motivation and Change and its approach is commonly known as CRAFT (community reinforcement and family training.)
The subtitle of the book is "How science and kindness help people change" - and the book is all about helping people change using behavioural techniques, understanding and kindness. It is also about laying down boundaries, with explanations about how to ignore negative behaviours without being punitive. It takes on board the levels of frustration or despair that you might be feeling - and a lot of the book stresses the importance of improving your own quality of life. It also sympathises with the urge we often have to speak out of anger, whilst showing us clearly that a critical stance does not promote change in our loved ones. And yes, it's hard work. Often deeply counter-intuitive. This book really asks the reader to step back and make some major changes in the ways in which they may have been behaving and communicating with a loved one with these problems.
I usually end my reviews with a lot of notes. In this instance I have bought the book rather than borrowed it from the library, so I won't be doing that. I also very rarely keep books, but will definitely be keeping this one.
I'd like to end by say that there are several excellent and enlightening reviews of the book here on Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ. I think the pick of the bunch is by Morgan Blackledge...and highly recommend it if you want to find out more.
/review/show...
Definitely a 5 star read as far as I'm concerned.
Sign into Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ to see if any of your friends have read
Beyond Addiction.
Sign In »
Reading Progress
Finished Reading
Started Reading
May 2, 2022
– Shelved
May 2, 2022
–
Finished Reading
Comments Showing 1-13 of 13 (13 new)
date
newest »
newest »
message 1:
by
CanadianReader
(new)
May 02, 2022 03:19AM
A wonderful review. Thank you for it. I think many of us could've used something like this long ago. I suspect, too, that the techniques/strategies Foote writes about can be employed in difficult relationships where substance abuse isn't necessarily the core of the problem. Some Al-Anon groups (for family members) provide what sound like similarly helpful approaches and I've run across other good literature in the past. You're right, though: it's challenging walking the high road, especially when you're a young person with little life experience and an overall tendency to reactivity. Will definitely look for this. Thanks, Caroline. 😊
reply
|
flag
Canadian Reader wrote: "A wonderful review. Thank you for it. I think many of us could've used something like this long ago. I suspect, too, that the techniques/strategies Foote writes about can be employed in difficult r..."Hi CR, and thank you!
Yes, I think the methods described here could work with many problematic relationships. The book however is fairly heavily orientated towards describing a loved one with an addiction (be that for alcohol or online gaming), so it might take a bit of extra work on the part of the reader to see how these techniques could be used in other contexts (although I'm sure they can.)
Al-Anon also helps the same group of people, but I think its a lot 'stricter' in it's approach. It's not that this approach is easy-going (it also suggests strong boundaries), but it works hard to promote loving and respectful communication. It also very much believes that that the behaviour of a spouse or family towards their loved one can often make a positive difference in outcomes.
This looks like it will be such a useful resource for you, Caroline. I like the emphasis on kindness and patience. So often the "tough love" approach we are told to use only makes the person feel more isolated and misunderstood. I'm forever grateful to those who have the patience to help people with addiction problems. That kindness they receive is passed on to others for many years to come. I have a friend who got the help he needed to overcome his alcohol problem in the 1980s. He has dedicated his life to helping everyone, in whatever way they need it. He has been my rock for almost a year now, giving me stuff (household items, a smartphone!), encouraging me, giving advice, and buying me groceries. People CAN change!
Jeanette (Ms. Feisty) wrote: "This looks like it will be such a useful resource for you, Caroline. I like the emphasis on kindness and patience. So often the "tough love" approach we are told to use only makes the person feel m..."Hi Jeanette!
Yes, that's exactly it - this is an alternative to the 'tough love' approach, and the book covers in depth all the ways in which we can change our behaviours in order to help our loved ones make better choices.
Your friend sounds sounds wonderful. How marvellous that he has managed to put his alcohol issues behind him and has blossomed into being such a kind and thoughtful person.BTW, there's an interesting TED talk along the lines that the opposite of addiction isn't abstinence - it's connection (to other people.)
I haven't seen the TED talk, but I suspect that connection to people is also what has kept YOU so healthy as you grow older. 💖
Jeanette (Ms. Feisty) wrote: "I haven't seen the TED talk, but I suspect that connection to people is also what has kept YOU so healthy as you grow older. 💖"Aw, thank you pal!
Caroline, Helpful review. I just added it.
Lisa wrote: "Caroline, Helpful review. I just added it."Hi Lisa - I do hope you find the book as helpful as I did.....
Caroline wrote: "Hi Lisa - I do hope you find the book as helpful as I did..... "Thank you, Caroline.
I have a friend trying to overcome his drug addiction. Added to "To Read" list! Thanks Caroline!
Am wrote: "I have a friend trying to overcome his drug addiction. Added to "To Read" list! Thanks Caroline!"So glad you are going to get it Am, I love this book's generous approach... I wish your friend well.
Thank you! I hope I can learn something from this and apply it to him! =)
Great review, Caroline. This sounds like a really important book.
