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Terrific review, Caroline. It seems odds that with all the information you describe that there wouldn't be an index. It sounds like the sort of book people would refer back to.

Jenna wrote: "Terrific review, Caroline. It seems odds that with all the information you describe that there wouldn't be an index. It sounds like the sort of book people would refer back to."

Thanks Jenna! It is a book people refer back to all the time. I am hoping that the next edition will have an index....

Wonderful review of what sounds like an excellent book, Caroline! So glad the book turned out such a helpful read for you!

Hi Caroline, I read the material at the link you provided. The success rate of the program compared to AA or Al-Anon (for family) sounds impressive. At the same time, I wonder about those substance abusers whose addiction triggers are related to work pressures and to coworkers (with whom they fraternize and use) who may have similar addiction issues. I don’t see how the family can counter that very much and I don’t see how an entire workplace culture can be brought on board to address the problem with positive reinforcement. I am curious as to the sorts of positive reinforcement friends and family are to provide to the person with the addiction (when that person makes healthy choices). I understand that people around the person must step back and allow the person to experience consequences. From what I’ve seen, though, that doesn’t necessarily have a lot of impact. The person with the problem may know and feel bad that he or she is hurting those close to him or her but it doesn’t stop the behaviour. I know these are big questions! The article also mentioned the expense of having a program therapist to more or less coach the family. I seem to be missing something or a lot here.

Nika wrote: "Wonderful review of what sounds like an excellent book, Caroline! So glad the book turned out such a helpful read for you!"

Thank you Nika!

Canadian Reader wrote: "Hi Caroline, I read the material at the link you provided. The success rate of the program compared to AA or Al-Anon (for family) sounds impressive. At the same time, I wonder about those substance..."

Hi Canadian Reader - and how marvellous to hear from you! You raise some great points.

Using problematic alcohol consumption as an example...

Firstly, there are various stages of change in someone wanting to give up drinking. The first stage is the pre-contemplation stage, where drinking is regarded as fine. We are all powerless over what other people do, but we can control our own reactions. The sober partner may start setting boundaries, like saying "if you come home drunk I am going to sleep in the spare bedroom, or even "I am going to take the children and go and stay with my parents." Ultimately the sober partner may say "if you keep coming home drunk I will leave you." So, setting boundaries can be as small or as large a gesture as you wish. What F & F would stress is the importance of not setting any boundaries unless you are prepared to follow through on what you have said... and the meetings might help you rehearse the wording of a boundary. Another very important part of the F & F philosophy is that things are done kindly and with respect. There is a tool called "Pius Communication" which helps marvellously with the communication process - and from what I have heard it can really revolutionise relationships, albeit slowly, one conversation at a time. It's the opposite of having angry/nagging conversations with your loved one - which for many of us was the natural (& often very understandable) way of communicating.

So - we are powerless over our loved one's work environment...but slowly, slowly we might open up different perspectives about how our loved one sees the situation. Should they move on to the next stage of change 'contemplation', they might start to ask themselves how helpful it is for them to work in that environment.

You said I understand that people around the person must step back and allow the person to experience consequences. From what I’ve seen, though, that doesn’t necessarily have a lot of impact. The person with the problem may know and feel bad that he or she is hurting those close to him or her but it doesn’t stop the behaviour.

Absolutely. There is no guarantee that someone will change. In instances where this seems to be the case, the emphasis will be more on how the concerned partner could start looking after themselves more, and building up a life for themselves. In fact this is emphasised in the book and for everyone coming to the meetings. So often people who have a partner with alcohol use disorder (or whatever drug) will have put all their emotional energy into worrying about the loved one - letting many pleasurable aspects of their own life slip by the wayside. Working on getting back personal independence is also part of the process.

The whole experience can be very challenging. Setting boundaries can be incredibly tough, especially say when your loved one is your daughter, who up until this point has had a wonderful relationship with you, but who has suddenly gone off the rails. It really can be massively challenging. That is why going to the meetings is such a marvellous addition to just reading the book - hearing the wisdom of others who have been through similar experiences, and getting their support.

I hope that this may gave gone just a little way towards responding to your points. I hope I wasn't too garbled! Please let me know if you have any further queries...

That sounds like a very thought-provoking read, Caroline, which may be helpful to many people in difficulty. Such a challenging situation to be in.

Emmkay wrote: "That sounds like a very thought-provoking read, Caroline, which may be helpful to many people in difficulty. Such a challenging situation to be in."

Hi Emmkay, and good to see you!

I'd say yes on both counts....

Helpful review, Caroline. I'm glad you found the program helpful.

Lisa wrote: "Helpful review, Caroline. I'm glad you found the program helpful."

Thank you Lisa....

Have you thought of submitting your index and review to the authors? I think you would get a very positive response from them. Great review, btw.