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Martyr! is a book on forgiveness - in that I forgave a lot of what didn’t work for me because what did work hit so hard.

I've mentioned plenty of times how I love sad sack books and Cyrus, a queer poet struggling with sobriety and depression while looking for meaning in his art and life (or death), definitely fits the bill (he is the sackiest of sacks). The clear, precise writing and the questioning of the limits of language were the cherry on top. There’s even a scene that made me cry as Cyrus walks around the city mourning his mother who died when he was a baby.

This is a book that questions theology, mythology, capitalism, and art amongst all of this. His mom died in an Iranian plane shot down by the US government, his dad died after working for years in an American chicken processing plant, his uncle is literally death for the Iranian military, and Cyrus lives in Indiana never quite belonging. How Iranian are you if you lived most of your life in the US? How American are you if you have a different name, skin color, or religion? And there’s that whole ‘straight passing� thing when you’re a queer man.

So, the question is, what did I have to forgive?

-A gimmicky ending that was supposed to move me, but I guess I have no heart? I was not moved.

-Plot points that are seen miles away.

-The ‘aside� chapters that didn’t always seem to connect and, often, got in the way of the pacing and plot. Some of these different pov’s felt underdeveloped at times.

-The first half not feeling like the second half. Certain themes and ideas seemed abandoned.

The thing is, I have to admit that this is so well written that I allowed myself to get swept away in it and still found the story propulsive. There are so many lines and thoughts that stood out to me and that I still think about. I loved the way fact and fiction blend to tell this story. I loved that it’s messy and nonlinear because that’s how grief and regret are.

This is a long winded way of saying this book isn't perfect, but it's so worth it.