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I got locked out of my place the other night, and the friend who has our spare keys wasn't around. So I went to the drugstore and bought this book, then headed to the nearest sushi restaurant to kill time with some rolls, booze, and this book.

Let's just get this out of the way right now. This book is not good at all. It is terrible. But it was *so* terrible that it became funny and eventually I couldn't wait to see exactly how much more dreadful writing the author could pack into the rest of it. So the book itself is one star, but the looking forward to the remaining horrible-ness bumps it up to two stars.

For starters, Dean Koontz keeps making his main character bring up Shakespeare. Obviously, Mr. Koontz would like me to start drawing comparisons in my head between his writing (which, as mentioned above, is execrable) and Shakespeare's. To paraphrase, I have read Shakespeare and Dean Koontz is no Shakespeare.

Dean Koontz also likes to make his character talk about how other authors have written things really badly, thus elevating his main character above such terrible writing. It is terribly conceited and pompous and self-absorbed, and just plain off the mark. Given that this is one of the most horribly written books that I've read in the last few years.

Just to let everyone know exactly how bad this book is -- I can't tell you which is worse: this or The Da Vinci Code. Does that make everything perfectly clear?

I could go on and on about all the horrible tics this author uses, but I'll just stop here.

If you're locked out of your place, spend your $10 on a crappy romance novel instead.