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** spoiler alert ** I was drawn to this memoir because I too, was a woman in an open marriage with my husband of 10+ years. I was so very frustrated and angry reading this book. It made me want to write a book of my own about all the reflections, lessons, and self-awareness we both gained from the experience- something that is completely missing from MORE. The most important values we learned, and incorporated from the very beginning of our journey were: communication, transparency, and establishing and maintaining boundaries. Without these things, an open marriage- let alone any relationship (romantic, friendship, business, etc.)- cannot and will not work. Molly and her husband did not incorporate any of these values- their open marriage emerges from a very toxic, emotionally abusive relationship and it was so very hard to get through this book. No self-awareness was gained, and the utter lack of respect for one another made me nauseous. Like others have stated, it was one big car accident that I could not look away from. I continued to read the book, hoping that Molly and her husband would gain ANY sense of self-awareness after realistically analyzing their situation, and that the book would end with either: closing off this toxic open marriage for good, or: continuing their open marriage with improvements. Nope. Instead they dragged multiple individuals through the mud as their open marriage got messier and messier, including but not limited to: sacrificing time with their children, sacrificing time with Molly’s mother who was recently diagnosed with sickness, and focusing on boosting their lack of self-worth and self-esteem with external validation from strangers. Here is my personal review of this book, from the perspective of another female who went through her own open marriage experience.

SPOILER ALERT:

1. Molly seeks men who are in affairs/cheating on their partners. I believe that people should be free to do whatever they want in their life, as long as it’s not hurting other people. Who in their right mind seeks toxic individuals actively cheating on their partners? It’s utterly disgusting and immediately made me question Molly’s ethics as a human being from the very start. She drops this information very casually, that her partners are all cheating (she finds them on Ashley Madison), and never explains why she chose to ACTIVELY seek men cheating on their wives/girlfriends. This is not practicing ethical non-monogamy. This is being a terrible human being not respecting boundaries, and not caring if you are hurting other people who have no idea that the partners they love are out lying and being deceitful behind their backs. Molly also chooses not to disclose to several of her partners that she is in an open marriage- in their eyes, she is a single woman. She sleeps with a man who is cheating on his girlfriend, for years. The lack of transparency, all the lying- is truly concerning.

2. Molly brings a man to her home to engage in sexual activity with him- in the same house with her CHILDREN. I lost all my respect for Molly at this point. Molly brings another man to her home to engage in sexual activity with him, bringing him into her children’s space. Her husband also agrees to this. WHAT?! It doesn’t matter if you think you know someone well, why would you bring a stranger to your home where your children are? How are you not more protective of your children?

3. The very toxic and confusing relationship between Molly and her husband, Stewart- they are both manipulative individuals constantly battling one another. Stewart gaslights Molly whenever she speaks up about her feelings and boundaries. He literally sleeps with his EX-GIRLFRIEND. Molly is obviously very uncomfortable from the start when he first starts seeing her, and this should have been very obvious to him. He doesn’t care. When he tells her that he had slept with his ex, Molly literally crumbles to the floor, destroyed. He then gets mad at her for getting mad at him, saying she had also slept with another man, and that she had given him permission to sleep with his ex, and so- he didn’t do anything wrong. YIKES. First off, seeing ex-partners during an open marriage should be, in my opinion, a HUGE no-no as it is very complicated ground. That should have been a boundary from the very start, but Molly- as you may realize throughout the entire book- does not have the guts to stand up for herself, ever. She is constantly pushed around by her husband and the other men she sees- at one point she has a threesome she herself doesn’t want, to try to impress a man she likes- HUH? Molly’s husband also derives pleasure from hearing about his wife’s sexual adventures, it’s a kink for him. He continuously pushes her to sleep with other men and to report back to him with all the details of their escapades. He also loves calling Molly terms during sex- b*tch, c*nt, etc- that she has stated over and over again that she hates- and yet he continues. On the other hand, Molly is often very jealous of her husband and his relationships. She doesn’t want to hear ANYTHING about her husband’s adventures because it makes her extremely jealous and self-conscious. This creates constant tension between the two of them because of the very unequal way in which they view the open marriage. Molly is constantly angry and jealous at Stewart for doing the same things she is doing- going on trips with other people, spending time together, having people over at the house, etc. What she tells Stewart never lines up with how she truly feels- i.e. telling Stewart it would be okay for him to bring his girlfriend over to the house- when he actually does, she blows up at him, enraged that he brought her over because he should have read her mind to know she didn’t� “actually� mean what she said. Another big HUH? The emotional manipulation and mixed signals are off the charts. Molly is also only happy when things are going great for her and whoever guy she is seeing at the time. As soon as things turn sour for her- which often happens- she shuts down and wants Stewart to stop seeing other people. Her mood about the open marriage shifts depending on whether or not she is having a good time, not taking into consideration how things are going for her husband. Both of them are very selfish individuals and they keep taking digs at eachother, exploding at one another in emotional outbursts, and hurting one another throughout the entire book.

4. Molly’s alter ego/ fake name she uses to meet cheating men- Mercedes Invierno. Using a fake name outside of her ethnic background to seem more sensual, seductive� need I say more? What is this foolery? It made me feel so gross reading this. Latina women already have such a history of being hypersexualized and she plays into this by donning this name. Mega yikes.

5. Getting frisky with people in your work cubicle right next to your coworkers? Getting frisky in grubby dirty karaoke rooms? Where is the self-respect? How could you put your work, your reputation, yourself at risk? Molly also has her boundaries broken many times- to use protection during sex- and continues to see this man who continues to break her boundaries for over 8 MONTHS, as she continuously makes excuses for him. She also decides not to tell her husband about the many times she’s had unprotected sex- this puts not only her, but her husband’s health at risk. Very dangerous, bad decisions are made.

6. Molly’s therapist only enabled her to continue to make terrible decisions. What’s the point of paying a professional to get help when they don’t bring awareness to your harmful decisions, complete lack of self-respect and respect for others?

Overall, I saw this book as a woman lying to herself about what she truly wants, struggling to find true happiness even though it seems she has it all (money, a beautiful home, 2 healthy growing children), and battling a very toxic relationship with her husband who refuses to support his wife in the way she needs to be supported because he wants to keep seeing other women. I surely hope that anyone who is thinking of being ENM (ethnically non-monogamous) or opening up their marriage will not read this book and think that this is what a healthy ENM relationship looks like, because it is not. Parts of this memoir that I did appreciate and relate to, was the struggle in trying to fill what feels like an empty hole in your life. I was cheering for Molly when she found new hobbies that she loved, and finding new ways to grow and evolve as a human being that didn’t involve giving into emotional abuse, or chasing after cheating men to give her the external validation she needed to boost her extremely low self-esteem. That “hole� in your life doesn’t necessarily have to be filled by someone else’s you-know-what. Maybe ask yourself- what do I feel like I’m missing in my life, and why do I feel this way? Is it truly something new that I need to find as an external addition/force to my life, or can I find it within myself? If seeing other people and practicing non-monogamy works for you and your partner, great! But make sure it’s a healthy ENM relationship with clear boundaries, communication, respect, and transparency. This toxic relationship in MORE- is not it.