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We are gathered here today for the union of Lynn Painter’s Happily Never After and the reviews of goodreaders but before we begin there is something I need to say.
I object.
Now before anyone starts throwing hands, I do have to say I love me some love and I enjoy some fluffy adorableness and Painter is great at these elements. Her YA books like Better Than the Movies or The Do-Over are total delights. They felt genuine within their own context, which Happily Never After never manages to achieve. Admittedly, Painter comes swinging with a clever and cute premise of wedding objectors who are rescuing people from engagements they can’t get out of without further ruining their lives and it was off to a strong start. Unfortunately, the story never quite finds a groove and glides along feeling rather thinly built without adequate narrative tension to have much to grip onto, reading like it went direct from the draft folder to the publisher and print to fulfill contract duties and deadlines.

And yes, as always I should have just listened to adira (you can read her incredible review here) but you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes and that prize is a disappointing read. But I do not object alone so meet the ŷ������ Objectors (and read adira’s review!)

But first, a positive: I do like how Painter tends to pair people where their names form a name familiar to romance fans (Better than the Movies adds up to Elizabeth Bennet, The Do-Over adds up to Nick Hornby) here she would have been Sophie Lauren if Max didn’t object to their wedding, which makes for a fun joke that she would have to hear jokes about it not quite being Sophia Loren. A sign the marriage was a bad idea. Clever, Painter, I like it. Anyways��

I don’t really see how people can enjoy “hate reading,�� which I promise this wasn’t, because I just don’t enjoy being disappointed by a book. This was a shame because I initially really enjoyed these characters before character development got shoved aside for sex scenes and we see that tension and titillation aren’t as interchangeable as one would hope with the latter not amounting to much without enough of the former in the narrative. Painter introduces us to Max and says he ��looked like Henry Cavill’s stunt double or something, but with darker hair and more intense eyes�� and I said OH I AM LISTENING NOW but the initially charming Max eventually descends into being the flag bearer for the Red Flag Parade. But I’m glad he likes Sophie because she is pretty charming and the whole beginning where they rant about being anti-love is pretty great. Painter is pretty funny, and I will say the banter and humor worked well for me, plus I can’t help but giggle at lines like this:

��but when I saw the bride pull her arm back and launch that snack cake off the balcony like a professional quarterback, I decided to stick around for another minute.��

I liked Sophie but, get this all, shes not like other girls because shes…into her car and job and wears flannel shirts well (Max should maybe check out Michigan if that’s his thing). I did enjoy her being an objector at weddings which is a nice role-reversal from how its typically depicted as a man or Shrek running in yelling ‘I object,�� but that entire plotline more or less vanishes as a fake dating plot comes racing into the narrative wearing a more dramatic white dress and steals the entire show.

Which is the issue here. Things just sort of wander around and banter with each other but nothing has much drive and even Max’s Ex-girlfriend plot is sort of hurriedly pushed through the narrative without there being much tension in the story. There’s so many different tropes and parts that, given the proper attention, could have made a sweet treat of a read but instead came all mashed together like when a child “helps�� you bake. The rationalities for things were just too silly at times as well and none of the side characters are included enough to really pull much weight. Which makes the fake dating part feel rather flimsy and tacked on, with the reasoning being that Max wants his parents to think he is settled down so they will retire and leave him the company which is…just sort of shitty? Can Max not take care of himself and needs a woman to do it, is that the implication? Not awesome.

The wedding objections were for people in need and Painter really wants you to know its not some shitty anti-love statement but the scenarios she constructs are kind of eye-rolling. Sophie not wanting to call off her wedding because her fiance’s dad is her dad’s boss and he’s “just a mean guy�� was like…okay whatever, BUT the next wedding is so ham-fisted and weird where the poor kindergarten teacher groom who fosters pets with disabilities sees texts that his super redneck fiance mocks him as her sexting kink in her affairs and its just…turned cartoonish. What makes Paiters’s YAs work is there tends to be a heavier, more serious narrative subplot that gives enough weight to hold the sweetness from floating off into oblivion but that was lacking here. And the Objecting could have easily been used to make a statement on why it is hard for women to leave abusive relationships because of the danger in puts them in, or something else since i guess thats a bit heavy for a romcom, but it all just fell a bit flat and lacked any friction.

Nothing felt genuine. I did love the surprise twist that Sophie’s roomates were bickering senior citizens so she could afford the apartment her ex-fiance lived in before she moved in. But also, why could he afford it on his own but she can’t when she’s his literal boss? Is this a statement on the gender pay gap? The narrative pushed each other out of the way, nothing really flowed and everyone felt a little cartoonishly immature. Her YAs work because she does teenagers well, but her adult novels just feel like teenagers with a lot of money and sex scenes.

I’m sure a lot of people will enjoy this one, and Happily Never After is still pretty cute maybe I just have a bad attitude but I’m fine with my spite and my tears, and my beers and my candles. It just never quite came together for me and while I’m not opposed to sex scenes this one seemed like it tried to use friction in the sheets to compensate from the utter lack of friction in the plot and it just didn't work. But by all means, still give this a shot, the banter is cute, it is lighthearted fun and I’ll probably still read more Lynn Painter in the future.

2.5/5