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Madeline's Reviews > Deception Point
Deception Point
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This was read at the tail-end of my brief Dan Brown phase (let he who has never enjoyed an airport-bookstore novel cast the first stone), and by this point I was getting a little tired of Brown's storytelling formula. And by "formula", I really mean "formula". Here it is:
How To Make A Guaranteed Bestseller in Fifteen Minutes or Less
-1 intelligent, bookishly handsome man who in no way is supposed to be Dan Brown of course not why do you ask
-1 really intelligent, preferably foreign woman who has an IQ of like a billion but the important thing is she is hot and has very low standards as far as men go (see protagonist)
-5 exotic locations, more if you prefer
-25 full pages of technical/historical/whatever background information that serves only to show the audience how goddamn smart the author is
-3 conspiracy theories found after 5-minute Google search
-8 death-defying situations and improbable escapes
-1 villain of cartoon-level evilness
-3 OMG SO SCANDOLOUS revelations that will ROCK THE FUCKING WORLD
Blend until well combined (or not so well combined, whatever) bake at 350 degrees until it can be adapted for the screen in five minutes or less, serve hot to adoring public on plates made of $100 bills.
How To Make A Guaranteed Bestseller in Fifteen Minutes or Less
-1 intelligent, bookishly handsome man who in no way is supposed to be Dan Brown of course not why do you ask
-1 really intelligent, preferably foreign woman who has an IQ of like a billion but the important thing is she is hot and has very low standards as far as men go (see protagonist)
-5 exotic locations, more if you prefer
-25 full pages of technical/historical/whatever background information that serves only to show the audience how goddamn smart the author is
-3 conspiracy theories found after 5-minute Google search
-8 death-defying situations and improbable escapes
-1 villain of cartoon-level evilness
-3 OMG SO SCANDOLOUS revelations that will ROCK THE FUCKING WORLD
Blend until well combined (or not so well combined, whatever) bake at 350 degrees until it can be adapted for the screen in five minutes or less, serve hot to adoring public on plates made of $100 bills.
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Deception Point.
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Reading Progress
Started Reading
January 1, 2006
–
Finished Reading
August 19, 2009
– Shelved
August 19, 2009
– Shelved as:
crap-tastic
August 19, 2009
– Shelved as:
no-judgements
Comments Showing 1-50 of 117 (117 new)
message 1:
by
Daria
(new)
Aug 22, 2009 11:18AM
Hahaha, perfectly put. I especially agree with the foreign woman, Google conspiracy theories, and the villain, of course. :D
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The Dan Brown books I have read, I love. I am currently hooked (quite literally *hooked*) On Angels & Demons at the moment.
Having said that, I loved this review.
And yes, you are right.
Awesome stuff :)
so you can write better books?? where are they??
I left them at your mom's house last night.
Hahahaa lovin the review and comments! :D
You didn't send me a friend request, dumbass. And if there really is "something I should know" I'm pretty sure you can just send me a message.
Sound's like I'm going to have to read me an airport novel sometime.
That's 9 reasons for me NEVER to read an airport novel!!A
Love it! Read Angels & Demons while I was in the Peace Corps and had even less selection than an airport bookstore. Never again.
My main problem with Dan Brown is his bombastic plots written on a fourth-grade level. Your summation of his formula is spot-on.
Oh my god, what are you doing on the internet you are eleven.And again, if there's really something you need to tell me, send me a message.
I just want to say as a young blogger. Reading your reviews gives me lots of inspiration. I mean cause I'm a nerd. And I just want to say thank you.
You realize you still haven't actually sent me a friend request, right?
You have to be 13 to have a Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ account!
Are you serious? Because I've had at least ten friend requests from people under twelve. The youngest one I've gotten was nine years old and I had to go lie down with a cold compress for an hour after I saw that.
I just realized his comments disappeared. Farewell, small child. I hope your parents found out what you were doing.
Ha, I don't blame you! Personally, I suspect anyone born in this century (do they have personalities yet? how does that even work?). Professionally, Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ is technically a social networking site, and is thus governed by . Anyone who is under 13 can't have an account. If more young 'uns out themselves in your review comments, flag it so that staff can look it over.
It had never even occurred to me to try flagging them! Excuse me while I tent my fingers and cackle wildly in the corner.
The is is a good bok the you are you are you and the
While I love Dan Brown and his work, I must agree with this review...haha absolutely, spot on mate
The part of woman with low standards made me chuckle so hard. Dat awesome review.
This is spot on but you left out the traitor. It's always the old man or Catholic school teacher or his mom or aunt
Don't forge the father figures that our lady geniuses rely on. Hell, I also just turned thirteen. I apologize for my generation.
Don't forge the father figures that our lady geniuses rely on. Hell, I also just turned thirteen. I apologize for my generation.
Don't forge the father figures that our lady geniuses rely on. Hell, I also just turned thirteen. I apologize for my generation.
Of course! We must never forget, smart women only exist because some smart man taught them everything they know!
What's hilarious is that Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ doesn't allow members under thirteen, and I just reported you. Thanks for admitting your age in your comment!
Did you know I once saw a 6-year-old, and many 10-year-olds? I don't know what they're doing here.
What is it about this review that's attracting the infants?I love your assessment of Brown's formula. I would also add: - 1 multi-part treasure hunt with improbably complicated clues that are swiftly unraveled by the genius protagonist or his equally brilliant foreign lady.
The children flock to me. I don't know how, but they find me, and they leave inane comments on my reviews. And oh, Dan Brown and his needlessly complicated treasure hunts. I saw an article once about "movie plots that could be solved in the first ten minutes" or something, and one of the entries was about The Da Vinci Code and how everything would have been so much easier if the guy who died in the Louvre had just written "Jesus had kids" on the floor.
Suzanne wrote: "im 8"We can tell.
Madeline, have you flagged Suzanne? She's spamming many users and now she's pretening she's Suzanne Collins. I have, but Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ doesn't seem to do a thing.
Her comment isn't on the thread anymore, so it looks like her profile has been taken down.
Madeleine, darlin', you gat that Dan Brown formula to a T. Lovely review. Soon he'll be a boring ol' cargo an' no one's gonna touch him. See the request, dear. FYI: am 95.
Smart analysis :)I fully agree with the expression "Dan Brown Phase"
My thoughts exactly! 10/10 for the Formula!! Brilliant review
Yoou are write with your formula! It was hilarious to read but I think that writing with this formula and producing a book worth reading and enjoying is bravery.!
Oh, great! Now I'm just looking forward to *your* bestseller/turn pager! You now what, you people believe you are smart because you are always finding ways to "stand out" by criticizing other people's work. That's stupid. Ok, he has his "formula", so? What's wrong about that? The fact that you can't appreciate it doesn't mean it's bad. And, I'd call it "writing style" but whatever, I'm not the genius who can have a guaranteed bestseller ready in "Fifteen Minutes or Less", therefore you shouldn't even be reading this.I'm just saying: something doesn't fulfill you but it fulfills other? Well, you're nothing special, don't even try to stand out!
If you are going to throw shit on a book, do it for valid reasons. Example: A kid's book has weird and wrong messages in it, so it should be avoided. An adult's book: *In my opinion,* it's just the same as his/her previous works.
Oh, and before you start commenting on my language usage, I shall let you know I'm foreign. So, do your best, zero fucks is given ;)
People who find negative reviews and counter with "Well, I'd like to see YOU write a better book!" have fundamentally misunderstood the appeal of reading.
Madeline, even if I haven't read the books you review I always flip through the comments to read the children that flock to you. It brings me joy.And is one not allowed to dislike a book if they couldn't write one that could sell better? Are only New York Times Bestselling authors allowed to review books, and only books less fabulous than their own because they couldn't possibly be able to form opinions? Ridiculous.
And that person's argument is useless, anyway. Dismissing "a kid's book" because it "has weird and wrong messages in it" is like the least valid criticism in the history of criticism.
Well, obviously if i write a book about two teenagers giving bjs to earn money for buying crack, and I make it look like they *know something* and they are totally right, and your children would like to read it, then I guess you'd be like "oh, I can't reject it, if you like to read this masterpiece, go ahead, I'll even find you a dealer to get started"
Also, Madeline, how old are, if I may?
(Cause you sure don't sound like 27)
Let me try to work through your argument, because it's frankly baffling to me.So in your hypothetical situation, I give my hypothetical children a book about people buying crack and then give them...actual crack?
Why would I do that? Why would any human being do that?
