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Paul Bryant's Reviews > A Short History of Nearly Everything
A Short History of Nearly Everything
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Okay, so here's my Bill Bryson story. I was in The Gladstone, a public house not too far from this very keyboard, with my friend Yvonne, who will remain nameless. We had been imbibing more than freely. A guy approached our table and asked me in a sly surreptitious manner if I was him. Him who? Was I Bill Bryson? Now it is true that I bear a very slight resemblance
but you could also say that about Bjorn from Abba
and a zillion other white guys with beards and gently rounded fizzogs. Anyway, without missing a beat I said yes, I was him. So the guy immediately asked me if I'd sign two of his books, and before I could say "Come on mate, I'm not actually American, can't you bleedin well tell?" he had zapped out of the pub. Only to zap straight back with two hardbacks of Bill's deathless works. What could I do? He opened them up reverentially and told me one would be for him and one for his mother. Friends, I signed them - "Best wishes, your friend Bill Bryson". He was so grateful, so very very pleased. We drank up and got the hell out of there. I look back on this disgraceful incident and shudder. That's the last time I'm impersonating a famous author.
Short note on the book in question:
There was no way our Bill could write a gently humorous book about the history of all of science without sounding like a fairly smirky know-it-all, so that's what he does sound like, which can be just a trifle wearing. LOTS of good info in here, but it's like being forced to live on Indian takeaways and nothing else, great for a while and then GET ME A SANDWICH! Or like being stuck on a long airplane ride with a very garrolous and opinionated fellow who thinks he is the very model of the modern travelling companion, regaling you with insightful and humourous anecdotes by the bucketful while you're wondering if it would be so bad if you faked a heart attack and you could whisper to the flight attendant "I'm okay really but GET ME AWAY FROM THIS GUY!"
but you could also say that about Bjorn from Abba
and a zillion other white guys with beards and gently rounded fizzogs. Anyway, without missing a beat I said yes, I was him. So the guy immediately asked me if I'd sign two of his books, and before I could say "Come on mate, I'm not actually American, can't you bleedin well tell?" he had zapped out of the pub. Only to zap straight back with two hardbacks of Bill's deathless works. What could I do? He opened them up reverentially and told me one would be for him and one for his mother. Friends, I signed them - "Best wishes, your friend Bill Bryson". He was so grateful, so very very pleased. We drank up and got the hell out of there. I look back on this disgraceful incident and shudder. That's the last time I'm impersonating a famous author.
Short note on the book in question:
There was no way our Bill could write a gently humorous book about the history of all of science without sounding like a fairly smirky know-it-all, so that's what he does sound like, which can be just a trifle wearing. LOTS of good info in here, but it's like being forced to live on Indian takeaways and nothing else, great for a while and then GET ME A SANDWICH! Or like being stuck on a long airplane ride with a very garrolous and opinionated fellow who thinks he is the very model of the modern travelling companion, regaling you with insightful and humourous anecdotes by the bucketful while you're wondering if it would be so bad if you faked a heart attack and you could whisper to the flight attendant "I'm okay really but GET ME AWAY FROM THIS GUY!"
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Books Ring Mah Bell
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rated it 5 stars
Feb 19, 2009 05:33AM
NO! NOOOOOOOOO!
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Yeah kind of. I scampered through the latter chapters, because my eyes kept bouncing off all those numbers. let me open the book at random - page 370 :"a single bacterial cell can generate 280,000 billion individuals in a given day"
or page 451:
"your cells are a country of 10,000 trillion citizens"
Again, page 516:
" a massive freezing occurred about 2.2 billion years ago, followed by another billion years of warmth"
This is like 14 year old boy writing, all goggle-eyed at lots of Big Numbers.
Goodness! You DO look like Mr. Bryson. I'd milk it, too. Thanks for the hilarious story.
When I was young and beardless they told me I looked like John Denver. I don't know which is worse.
I love your story. I'd be worried if you hadn't found the book annoying.
:-D Although I rather hope that earnest man does not chance upon this review.
Better believe I don't go back to that pub very often and when I do I disguise myself as James Ellroy..
Not to be snarky, but how does a book about science, which is built on top of, or leans heavily upon, mathematics (aka numbers) not have numbers on nearly every page? Your story was humorous, though, and your other comments about his tone seem to make sense from what I have read.
Numbers are okay, it's the way Bill beats you up with numbers which ordinary people can't comprehend so the information just turns into a kind of science-flavoured white noise that I objected to.
"Science-flavored white noise" may be the best adjective-noun combo I've ever heard. :)
hah, thanks, I may have t-shirts printed now
"Slight resemblance"? You're his spittin image, mate.
I have had celebrity re-alignment surgery since then.
Paul, you are such a shallow b. It was you sitting on the plane wondering whether to fake the heart attack next to the opinionated fellow talking in big numbers, wasn't it?
John Denver would definitely be worse.
Still don't know what you really look like!
LOLLOLOL. The Impersonation Story. Hee-hee. My mother used to be mistaken for Joanna Lumley, especially on airplanes. Sometimes she played along a little..Ha, so you grew a beard not to look like John Denver, and now you look like Bill Bryson AKA Benny Andersson, depending on whether you were a pop fan in the 80's..
Maybe you should wear your hair in a ponytail, or a short military style... XD
yes, imagine how happy I was to turn into Bill Bryson
A Brief History of Pretty Much Everything in 3 minutes 12 seconds.
Georgia liked that one too!
PLEASE READ* Do you remember when he talked about stromatolites-the ancient rock structure dated from 3.5 billion years ago, made from cynobacteria-blue/green algae. He says the scientist agree that these were the first origins of life. My question is how do scientist know that the rock is the object that is 3.5 billion yrs old and not the organisms? Because the organisms could just have appeared when man first appeared.(Adam and Eve)
they work on hunches.
Most likely using carbon dating.
That is Björn!! Not Benny!! (OK, so I just had to do that)
oh yes, no one has pointed that out yet! I will fix this now!
thanks Neil - you never know, maybe the books I signed were later sold on ebay.
"with my friend Yvonne, who will remain nameless." what??????
Well, don't you have a nameless friend called Yvonne?
The book in question should undoubtedly be included and conceivably replace at least one text in various subject curricula. As for your "..trifle wearing..." opinion, describes your 'Review' accurately. After your candid offbeat & funny beginning, the "sandwich" definitely presides over the remainder of your useless analogy. Glad you tried to take it on-board & good luck in reviews if you ever accomplish even co-authoring anything,even fractionally as relevant, as this Bryson masterpiece, at all.
Hilarious. But I enjoyed the book a great deal.
Hey Bug, you had me going for a moment there.Wiki says :
William McGuire "Bill" Bryson, OBE, FRS (/ˈbraɪsən/; born December 8, 1951) is a best-selling American author of humorous books on travel, as well as books on the English language and science. Born in the United States, he was a resident of Britain for most of his adult life before returning to America in 1995. In 2003 Bryson and his wife and four children moved back to Britain, living in the old rectory of Wramplingham, Norfolk, and he served as chancellor of Durham University from 2005 through 2011.
He ain't no Australian.
Bug wrote: "Bill Bryson is Australian, so what's the point of saying "I'm not American?" Americans read authors from all over the world you know. Just because the fan was American doesn't mean the author of ..."
He's from Des Moines, IA, about 450ish miles south of where I sit right now! He did write a book about Australia In a Sunburned Country. :)
Paul wrote: "Well, don't you have a nameless friend called Yvonne?"haha, someone beat me to the punch about your "nameless friend, Yvonne". :) Fun review, Paul. I've not read this book but I am a big Bill Bryson fan. A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail written after he returned to the States in 1995 is hilarious!
Bug wrote: "Bill Bryson is Australian, so what's the point of saying "I'm not American?" Americans read authors from all over the world you know. Just because the fan was American doesn't mean the author of ..."
Bill Bryson ain't no Aussie!!! He's American through and through!! lol
Paul....I really enjoyed the book..as I've enjoyed several of his others... I think he meant for it to be a humourous anecdotal story about science and history...designed to encourage non-science/maths people feel like they have come away with some knowledge :) I have to say, though, I didn't laugh as much as with his other books...
And as for autographing books....well....I guess if you got away with it...you can't feel bad for the patron :) could I send you my books for autographs?!?! I'd like them signed "Bill Bryson', and any other authors you could pass for!! lol
Bug wrote: "OOPS! You all are completely right. I don't know why I thought he was Australian! Thanks! Well, I probably would've also mistaken you for Bill Bryson then, lol."lol...he does look rather like Bill....so I don't think any harm would come...unless, of course, Bill Bryson were actually in the same room!!!
just to be clear, that is Bill in the review, not me... that's why he looks like Bill!
Today is clearly a day for misunderstanding your reviews. Now's the time to see just how far you can push (in)credulity...
It's usually the Gulliver's Travels one that gets em
Paul wrote: "just to be clear, that is Bill in the review, not me... that's why he looks like Bill!"I rather thought it was Bill... (I was a bit confused) bit was willing to give you the benefit..haha..as it could happen!!
I'm just going to call you Robin (Hood), or shoud we call you the Sherilff of Nottingham!!
actually believe it or not there is a real Sheriff of Nottingham - it's an honorary title, he doesn't have to oppress peasants any more. They all run campsites and souvenir shops now. No tilling or planting or garroting Normans.
Haha.. are you sure about the "no garroting"?!? lol
Paul, would you mind signing my stack of Barbara Pym first editions?
Paul wrote: "there is a real Sheriff of Nottingham - it's an honorary title, he doesn't have to oppress peasants any more..."He may not have to oppress them, but is the Sheriff allowed to, should the urge to do so arise?!
One of the most amusing reviews and subsequent banter I've read in a while. Thanks Paul.
PS. I am sending you my kindle to sign.
We just saw the movie “A Walk in the Woods� (2015). Bill Bryson and his friend Stephen Katz try to hike the Appalachian Trail. Robert Redford plays Bryson, and Nick Nolte plays Katz. Redford is not nearly as handsome as Bryson or you.
I like Bryson book and this awesome review...
