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I'm married. Like, old married.
If he ghosts me it means that I've probably killed him.



I just wanted to see if the dating advice has gotten any better over the past few decades.
The short answer is no. No, it has not.
But. The ugly truth is that this advice would probably work for women who don't want to be single. As in, the main goal is to get married to a man.
And you will most certainly be able to catch and keep a man if you do what he says.



But you might do it at the expense of your dignity.
Because there's no guarantee you'll be any happier married than you will be single, so why stress yourself out trying to be the kind of woman that men find attractive and unthreatening?
And that's basically the advice in here. Tone it down, especially if you're older and you aren't afraid to speak your mind about things. In fact, he actually says that powerful "masculine" women might want to look for guys who aren't (lol) alphas, suggesting that these women would be more comfortable with men who are meeker, as they won't have to adjust their personalities.
Successful, powerful men do not want bossy women.
Well, I hate to burst the bubble here, but no one wants to be with someone who is bossy - unless that's just your kink.



Men, according to Bryans, get set in their ways when they get older, and if you want to seem desirable to them, you should give them the space to do the things they were doing before you came along. <--I actually agree with that because I promise you that I would not rearrange my schedule or life to accommodate a man at this point in my life, either. Just not going to do it.
If my dear husband passes away, he can rest in eternal sleep knowing that I will never-no-never go out of my way to fit some other man into my day. I simply can't see having to "work on a relationship" at this point in my life. Then again, life has made most women my age a bit surly, so youngsters may need to take my attitude with a grain of salt.
And if you are my age and you're listening to this odious little turd tell you how to keep a man on the hook, I'd like to shake the shit out of you. You should know better by now.
There are wonderful men out there, and if you find one who thinks you're great, you won't have to play weird mind games with him. But you're just better off on your own than having to cater to the whims of someone who thinks you need them.



I don't know how old Bruce Bryans is, but he sounds like he may be older just going off of a bit of the more fringe things he said. I could be wrong, but he said that he "ghosted" a woman when he found out she had slept with a guy who was tangentially related to his friend group after one of his dude friends let him know that these two were sneaky links. And while they weren't close friends, it kind of grossed him out that he knew a guy that she'd had sex with. It was at that point I started picturing him as one of those old pompous guys who have always given me the ick. The ones who would refer to women as all used up, as though vaginas have a limited number of times a penis can be inserted into it.
And while you should certainly able to speak your truth about turn-offs, that one just seemed incredibly 1950s to me.
You do you, though.



I had to keep reminding myself that I needed to be fair to the author. This is a book for women who are actually trying to figure out why guys are (apparently en masse) never calling them back. And the reasons he gives are somewhat valid, even if the way he puts it makes me shudder.
For example, he says that women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment.



BUT! If you're a woman reading this book, then apparently you aren't the gatekeeper of commitment in your relationships.
On the flip side, there's a lot of commitment-free sex that you can be having.
wink, wink.
And here's my free advice on that one for what it's worth - who cares? If some guy doesn't call you back, so what? He's a story in your book. If your boyfriend starts distancing himself and you feel like he's thinking of breaking up with you, let him go, and don't look back.
The vast majority of what I felt was good advice in this book, dealt with not chasing a dead end.
Or chasing period.



But Bryans's advice is not to chase men at any point in the relationship. If they're getting distant, don't chase them around and try to get more of a commitment out of them.
That's kind of fair. I wouldn't want anyone chasing me or trying to pin me down, either.
He says if you want them to come back, you just give them the space to decide that they miss you. And it pains me to say this, but if you actually want the guy that bad, the advice is solid.
But do you want the guy that bad?
Seriously? My knee-jerk reaction is to tell you that if a guy starts pulling away and stops returning your calls, you should pack up your emotional (or real) shit and go out dancing with your friends.
Then if he decides that he really does want you and comes crawling back? You tell him that you'll try to work him into your schedule, however, this cute guy you met at the bar is taking you out tonight and you're going to Vegas this weekend on a girls' trip.
But you'll text as soon as you get a free minute.
Promise.



Instead of worrying that you'll never find "the one", make your own happiness and dream fulfillment the top priority. Do what you want to do and make your life what you want it to be.
That's my advice for anyone, not just women.
If you feel lonely, take a cooking class, or art class, join a gardening group, learn how to refinish old furniture, work on cars, belly dance - whatever floats your boat.
You'll feel more satisfied if you are more satisfied.
And you'll be far less likely to allow someone into your life who shouldn't be there if you're already happy with what your life looks like without them. You'll also be far less likely to fall the fuck apart should they decide to go their own way.
No one can complete you. That's your job.
The best you can hope for is someone who can complement the life you already have.