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Usually I can't resist these YA supernatural fiction series but Vampire Diaries is actually too wretched for me to enjoy and, oh man, that's saying something. Laughable prose, characters who are inconsistent at best and numbingly dull at worst, and a nonsensical plot cobbled together from various bits of mediocre films like some wrong Frankenstein. No, no, no!

Okay, but, see, I might still watch the TV series. Just one episode to see whether it's as bad. Um. Right. Well. Onward.

I actually saved the book for three weeks after finishing it just so I could include some hilariously bad quotes in review.

"There had been too much fear, too many blows tonight. She could react no longer. She could only stare up at him with a kind of wonder." / "He laughed shortly, without humor, and saw her flinch. It made him hate himself more."

I mean, seriously. I can cope with drab description, but why lay the angst on so thick the reader has to close the book because they're spasming with laughter? HMMM? Spasming with laughter until they CAN REACT NO LONGER. It only MAKES THEM HATE THEMSELVES MORE for reading this effing book!

"'Stefan, I had to come--' she began, and broke off short, because a flash of lightning lit the sky just as the figure in the corner whirled around. And then it was as if every foreboding and fear and nightmare she'd ever had were coming true all at once. It was beyond screaming at; it was beyond anything."

Beyond publishable writing, even.

This is like a first draft of something I've written--I've written stuff this bad, possibly worse--but the thing is, I hide my first draft and massage the weary sentences until they don't suck quite so hard (NO PUN INTENDED YOU GUYS).

I made it to the end of the book but only just barely. Hey, maybe twenty years ago it was cutting edge, but today it's one worn, badly prosed paragraph after another. Please, LJ Smith, give it up.