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I wonder if the converse holds true. I always forget people's names, so I never refer to them by name. That explains my enormous popularity with everyone except kindergarteners. Kindergarteners despise me.

Jan

You're right Conrad, overusing someone's name makes you seem unctuous, but using their name in a natural, conversational manner probably does warm them to you, albeit ever so slightly.

Bravo! I agree with your assesment of his techniques.

I wish you had read the book! 'Names' is merely the first couple pages.

I did read the book. I was 13. It's been awhile, so lighten up, Nick!

Conrad wrote: "It's also aimed at salespeople and not regular humans."

Heeheehee!

Also, Nicksprague, Dale Carnegie gets five stars? I don't think I gave Huckleberry Finn five stars. I must've missed a few chapters.

Conrad wrote: "Also, Nicksprague, Dale Carnegie gets five stars? I don't think I gave Huckleberry Finn five stars. I must've missed a few chapters."

you are a harsh reviewer! haha. Tom Sawyer would be worth 5 stars, not so sure about Huck Finn.
At any rate, you should give Dale Carnegie another chance. He has some pure gold as far as how to get along with people.

Conrad wrote: "Also, Nicksprague, Dale Carnegie gets five stars? I don't think I gave Huckleberry Finn five stars. I must've missed a few chapters."

Seriously, five stars? What the fuck? I'm mean I've only browsed through it, but...really? Dale Carnegie?

Also, some of you may find this interesting. Gaddis used to teach a course at Bard College on the "Literature of Failure". The syllabus is pretty fucking funny.

MyFleshSingsOut wrote: "Conrad wrote: "It's also aimed at salespeople and not regular humans."

Heeheehee!"

Also...heeheeheeeheeeheeeheee!

Jimmy wrote: "Conrad wrote: "Also, Nicksprague, Dale Carnegie gets five stars? I don't think I gave Huckleberry Finn five stars. I must've missed a few chapters."

Seriously, five stars? What the fuck? I'm mea..."

Fair enough criticism Jimmy. Perhaps my verdict was a little enthusiastic? I did find it a breezy, quick, and informative read, but it is by no means perfect. It seems like a lot of others here are finding flaws in it, so there are quite likely some problems. I do appreciate you folks giving it a shake though. For a book so old, I'm sure Dale himself would just be impressed it was even getting talked about! Kind regards, Nick

This book has alot of techniques that are applicable for 'influencing people' and they, maybe are the ones you think relate to businessmen/women.

If you read this for the sake of it or wanted to have more friends, yet yours social skills are already of a level where you're not a complete social reject than this may not help you, in that case just be nicer and one thing that can apply always
"Get people to say yes in discussion where they disagree with you" that's something socrates did alot >.<
And also let people keep talking about a passion of theres and only talk when they talk to you, the most common thing people do is half-listen to someone but they are truly wanting to interrupt and brag about something they know or tell a story they think is funny.

however, what you got out of this book is not what I did so I cannot say you're wrong, but I disagree fundamentally with your statement.

Nathanf wrote: "This book has alot of techniques that are applicable for 'influencing people' and they, maybe are the ones you think relate to businessmen/women.

If you read this for the sake of it or wanted to ..."

Oh the internet; the only forum in which I'd ever discuss a subject with someone who finds valuable suggestions for effective social etiquette in the writings of Dale Carnegie.

Seriously though guys, this joke is going a little too far.

Conrad I would rather sound like a patronizing creep than an insolent and arrogant creep who has not developed the social skills to criticize without insulting. Nick why would you apologize to those who disagree with your rating? I think the sales of this book show the value so don't let a few people who think they are above the rest of us affect your decisions. I mean come on you have Jimmy disparaging a book he hasn't read? Can you spell "ignorance?"

Jack wrote: "Conrad I would rather sound like a patronizing creep than an insolent and arrogant creep who has not developed the social skills to criticize without insulting. Nick why would you apologize to tho..."

Speaking of books that I haven't read, you're taste in books makes me want to run to the bathroom. Why should I read the book, when I basically know that most of the trash in the vein of Carnegie is made-up self help gibberish that deliberately appeals to the meekest, lowest common denominator imaginable? Authors such as Chopra, Burns, Dyer, Carnegie, et all, are a bunch of evil hucksters praying off of the emotionally feeble and the socially inept. I'm not sure if you're defending Carnegie because you're as naive as these people, or because you sincerely like his books. Either way, it's really annoying.

Now, now everyone. Play nice. Luckily we are all entitled to our opinions. One man's gold is another man's scrap metal. Sure, it may be foolish to form an opinion on something that you've never read, but there are worse crimes in the world. I've never lost sleep over what someone thinks of my reading habits, thats for sure! One day Jimmy may decide to pick up this book (used copies are about 5 cents I think!), find out what all the hubbub is about, and form his own opinion of it.

I can understand your viewpoint where saying someone's name repeatedly would become annoying very quickly. But using someone's name once or twice in a short conversation (in the beginning and towards the end) can really make a difference in their demeanor towards you. A cashier at a fast food restaurant was just another cashier to me until she struck up a light-hearted conversation with me and used my first name. I hadn't given it to her. It then dawned on me she had been clever enough to get it from the front of my credit card. Hearing her use my first name made me wonder if we had met before. It certainly made her appear a lot more friendly and on my level than when I had first walked in.

Anyway, I'm just saying using the person's name can have a nice affect, but I agree you shouldn't overdo it.

If it's aimed at particulary one group of people, salespeople, why rate the book so undeservingly, it is your unawareness that is to look at.

Now a days and ages, most of the people you work with are at a kindergarten level. I work on a cruise ship and to be honest, that's what the world is: a huge kindergarten. This book is a huge asset to communicate in that environment. We need this great book.

This book is certainly not perfect. Even though I have given this book 5-stars, for a second thought i may hover between 4-5 stars. But we should also consider that no book is perfect. WE MAKE THE MEANING OF A BOOK PERFECT BY ADDING OUR UNDERSTANDING, EXPERIENCES AND IDEAS TO IT.

As far as using a person's name in a conversation is concerned, we need not use it repeatedly. However, we can use it couple of times during the conversation where we want to lay more emphasis.

So, now by adding our own understanding and application tactics we make the suggestion of the book more productive.

All depends how YOU apply a thing. May be purely as the author says or in your own bit modified version.

You can either blunder your way through life upsetting everyone or you can use this book to build great relaionships. What ever you do in life you need the help of a lot of people. People help people they like.

Just like everything else in life, it's all about application of knowledge. But I respect your opinion Conrad. ;)

Just like he stated in the book, pick what works for you! The same approach doesn't work for everyone. It isn't a magic formula

Sir, I like you.

After reading half the book I have concluded it's a how to manipulate and get away with being fake in hopes of achieving what you want at the cost of anyone and everybody else.....not impressed to say the least

Chuckles
How many people here are applying the lessons of the book in this commentary?
Funny

Loved the comment on the sales people :)
Face the wall, they said!
Igor

Thanks

This one about names : popular now in marketing, for the sake of "personalization". I should know, I'm a marketer.
As a person, I find it very irritating (admittedly, not everyone does).
Brands, marketing and salespeople don't know us : thanks to IT, what they know is what we buy. That's very different from knowing us.
That's about it. And that's very different from being intimate enough to be called by our names by totally random people, or worse, machines.

馃槅

Not all the advice doled out ages well, either. Carnegie says that our desire to be appreciated (and socialization) separates us from animals but why the heck do dogs try to please us then? Generally, the book reinforces some good points about how to please others but when your aim is to put someone in a good mood by complimenting some physical feature you're not being some selfless master of interpersonal relations- you're feeling good about your ability to elicit such a response.

What do you mean, Conrad? Conrad, I think it is a very good idea to call people's names so often, Conrad. I instantly feel a better connection then, Conrad

I actually don't like when people do that. Makes me feel like they are talking to a slow person (or a dog) and need to keep their attention.

Iris, are you by any chance related to the legendary Bart de Graaf?

Igor

I'm not, lol, besides his name was with double "f"

Ok then - but you do know the guy's clips and sketches right?
Igor

Comprehension seems to be the issue here. To remember names, he said it to himself several times until he could write it down.
As far as the 'being fake to have your way' complaint, that is not the case at all. Several times the author mentioned being genuine in your dialogue with others. This important step will be hard a first for most, but over time people actually become interested in others, which is when your words and actions seem much more genuine.
This book is not a blueprint for rules or methods to do in your life, but a guide on how to observe how you currently interact with others, and how you can improve yourself. Simple modifications of ones statement to exclude a negative for the same intended meaning, but with a positive feel will make said person more willing to do as you suggest.
As I read through all the comments, it crosses my mind that people either did not read the book or simply could not absorb the information.
Much of what is within this book is common sense mixed with research into different personality types.

I think the issue re: name-repetition is tonal -- my grandpa taught me the name thing when I was really young. If you're good at it the person you're talking to won't even notice you're doing it, whereas if you're not you're going to wind up putting emphasis on the name and, yeah, come of sounding like some weird asshole. I think it's probably the case that his premise -- that most people respond positively to hearing their name -- is probably true.

It's also very cultural and language-specific - in some places, you just don't do that.
Igor

That's all you got out of the book?

It is like talking to some character from pre-ww2 black and white holywood movie 馃槀

What? Your just trying to put this book down because you know Dale it is 100 times more successful than you

I don't think he meant to say their names 3 times in one sentence. Obviously that sounds weird. But it's a pretty proven fact that people will feel good when you remember their name and use it when you talk to them.

I met a guy who mastered the name thing. He even told you he was trying to make sure he remembered your name, because, you know, most people don't bother. People were both in awe of his ability and flattered by his effort. There was no subterfuge here and to him it mattered. And because it mattered to him, folks around him appreciated it. And I for one was envious.

Hehe.My phone 2years is it

That's the only thing you took from this book? This book is much more. But everyone has different taste.

I think Dale is life changing, not the worse writer on earth

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It is so obvious when politicans have read this because they will keep saying the journalist's name in an interview and yes you hit the nail on the head about it being patronising.

I have to agree. I hate when people say my name several times.