欧宝娱乐

“袨薪 谢褞斜懈谢 懈 褋褌褉邪写邪谢. 袨薪 谢褞斜懈谢 写械薪褜谐懈 懈 褋褌褉邪写邪谢 芯褌 懈褏 薪械写芯褋褌邪褌泻邪.”
― Ilia Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“袙褉械屑褟, 泻芯褌芯褉芯械 屑褘 懈屑械械屑, - 褝褌芯 写械薪褜谐懈, 泻芯褌芯褉褘褏 屑褘 薪械 懈屑械械屑.”
― Ilia Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“袙褘 薪懈 锌褜械褌械, 薪懈 泻褍褉懈褌械, 写械胁褍褕泻邪屑懈 薪械 褍胁谢械泻邪械褌械褋褜... 袟邪褔械屑 袙邪屑 写械薪褜谐懈? 袙褘 卸械 薪械 褍屑械械褌械 懈褏 褌褉邪褌懈褌褜.”
― 袠谢褜褟 袠谢褜褎, The Twelve Chairs

“- 袣褌芯, 锌芯-胁邪褕械屑褍, 褝褌芯褌 屑芯褖薪褘泄 褋褌邪褉懈泻? 协褌芯 - 谐懈谐邪薪褌 屑褘褋谢懈, 芯褌械褑 褉褍褋褋泻芯泄 写械屑芯泻褉邪褌懈懈 懈 芯褋芯斜邪, 锌褉懈斜谢懈卸械薪薪邪褟 泻 懈屑锌械褉邪褌芯褉褍.”
― Ilia Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“袟写械褋褜 袩邪褕邪 协屑懈谢褜械胁懈褔, 芯斜谢邪写邪胁褕懈泄 褋胁械褉褏褗械褋褌械褋褌胁械薪薪褘屑 褔褍褌褜械屑, 锌芯薪褟谢, 褔褌芯 褋械泄褔邪褋 械谐芯 斜褍写褍褌 斜懈褌褜, 屑芯卸械褌 斜褘褌褜, 写邪卸械 薪芯谐邪屑懈.”
― 袠谢褜褟 袠谢褜褎, The Twelve Chairs

“袗 屑芯卸械褌 褌械斜械 械褖褢 写邪褌褜 泻谢褞褔 芯褌 泻胁邪褉褌懈褉褘, 谐写械 写械薪褜谐懈 谢械卸邪褌?”
― 袠谢褜褟 袠谢褜褎, The Twelve Chairs

“袨褋褌邪锌 褋芯 胁褔械褉邪褕薪械谐芯 写薪褟 械褖械 薪懈褔械谐芯 薪械 械谢. 袩芯褝褌芯屑褍 泻褉邪褋薪芯褉械褔懈械 械谐芯 斜褘谢芯 薪械芯斜褘泻薪芯胁械薪薪芯.”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“The way people used to kiss before the age of historical materialism.”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“- 袗 褌械锌械褉褜 写械泄褋褌胁芯胁邪褌褜, 写械泄褋褌胁芯胁邪褌褜 懈 写械泄褋褌胁芯胁邪褌褜! - 褋泻邪蟹邪谢 袨褋褌邪锌, 锌芯薪懈蟹懈胁 谐芯谢芯褋 写芯 褋褌械锌械薪懈 锌芯谢薪芯泄 薪械谢械谐邪谢褜薪芯褋褌懈.”
― Ilia Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“Let's put it to a vote. Shall the ballots be open or secret?"

"We don't need Soviet-style voting," Charushnikov said, offended. "Let's vote the honest way, the European way: secret ballots.”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“So what was in this building before historical materialism?'

'Before what?'

'You know, back then, under the old regime?'

'Oh. Under the old regime my master lived here.'

'A bourgeois?'

'You're a bourgeois yourself! He wasn't a bourgeois. He was a marshal of the nobility.'

'So he was a proletarian, then?'

'You're a proletarian yourself! I told you loud and clear, a marshal.'

The conversation with the clever dvornik with a vague understanding of the class structure of society would have lasted god knows how long if the young man hadn't made a decisive move.”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“Everyone drank to popular education and to the irrigation of Uzbekistan.”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“She was, after all, a mattress owner and understood the subtleties of life.”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“Now tell me the truth, Lapsus, why do you write about things you've never seen before in your life? Things you don't have the slightest idea about? Why is 'peignoir' a ball gown in your poem 'Canton'? Why?”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“袣褌芯 褋泻邪卸械褌, 褔褌芯 褝褌芯 写械胁芯褔泻邪, 锌褍褋褌褜 锌械褉胁褘泄 斜褉芯褋懈褌 胁 屑械薪褟 泻邪屑械薪褜!”
― 袠谢褜褟 袠谢褜褎, The Twelve Chairs

“He was only thirty-eight. His body was clean, well-fed, and benign. He had all his teeth. A fresh Armenian joke stirred in his head like a child in its mother's womb. He thought life was wonderful.”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“Podkolyosin asked tragically, "Why are you keeping quiet, like the League of Nations?”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“Clotilde stammered. "Why didn't you hang yourself? You were just saying that art is eternal. I destroyed your eternal art. Why are you still alive, man?"

"What's eternal is eternal, but I still have to get my commissions done on time," said Vasya. "What did you think?"

Vasya was just an everyday hack sculptor of average talent. And Clothilde was reading too much Schiller.”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“Pushkin wrote Turkish poems and he was never in Turkey.”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“No one likes us, unless you count Criminal Investigations, which also doesn't like us.”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“Ippolit Matveevich turned even redder, pulled out a tiny notebook, and wrote in a calligraphic hand:

25/4/1927 鈥� rubles issued to Comrade Bender 鈥� 8.

Ostap took a look inside the little book.

'Oh-ho! If you've gone ahead and opened a personal account for me, then the least you could do is tally it right. Start up a debit column, start up a credit column. Don't forget to enter the sixty thousand rubles you owe me in the debits, and the vest can go in the credits. The balance is in my favor: 59,992 rubles.”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“Ostap Bender lay in the dvornik's room, which was warm to the point of reeking, and mentally put the finishing touches on two possible career plans.

He could become a polygamist and move peacefully from town to town, dragging behind him a new suitcase full of valuable items he'd picked up from the latest wife. Or he could go the very next day to the Stargorod Children's Commission and offer them the chance to distribute the as-yet unpainted but brilliantly conceived canvas The Bolsheviks Writing a Letter to Chamberlain, based on the artist Repin's popular painting The Zaporozhian Cossacks Writing a Letter to the Turkish Sultan. If it worked out, this option could bring in something along the line of four hundred rubles.

Ostap had thought up both options during his last stay in Moscow. The polygamy option had been born under the influence of the court report from the evening papers, where it was clearly indicated that some polygamist had only gotten two years without strict isolation. Option number two had taken shape in Bender's mind when he was going through the AARR exhibit on a free ticket.

However, both options had their downsides. It was impossible to begin a career as a polygamist without a wondrous, dapple-gray suit. In addition, he needed at least ten rubles for hospitality expenses and seduction. Of course, he could get married in his green campaign uniform as well, because Bender's masculine power and attraction were absolutely irresistible to provincial, marriage-ready Margaritas; but that would be, as Bender liked to say, "Poor-quality goods. Not clean work." It wasn't all smooth sailing for the painting, either. Purely technical difficulties could arise. Would it be proper to paint Comrade Kalinin in a papakha and a white burka, or Comrade Chicherin naked to the waist?”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“The gold-seekers began to work out what the main characters were like. They sketched out dramatis personae such as:

UGOLIN: A grand master of the Fascist Order (bass)
ALFONSINA: His daughter (coloratura soprano)
COMRADE MITIN: A Soviet inventor (baritone)
SFORZA: A fascist prince (tenor)
GAVRILA: A Soviet Young Communist (mezzo-soprano dressed as a man)
NINA: A Young Communist and daughter of a priest (lyric soprano)”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“A week ago, the Water Rescue Society had held an evening there, as evidenced by the slogan hanging on the wall: THE CAUSE OF HELPING THE DROWNING IS IN THE HANDS OF THE DROWNING THEMSELVES.”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“Can you say the following phrase in French: "Gentlemen, I haven't eaten in six days"?'

Ippolit Matveevich began haltingly, 'Messieurs... messieurs, je ne, I think, je ne mange pas... six, what is that again... un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six... six... jour. Right: je ne mange pas six jours!'

'That's quite a pronunciation you've got there, Kisa! Still, what do you expect from a beggar. Of course a beggar in European Russia speaks French worse than Millerand.”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“袣邪泻懈械 写械薪褜谐懈? 袙褘, 泻邪卸械褌褋褟, 褋锌褉芯褋懈谢懈 锌褉芯 泻邪泻懈械-褌芯 写械薪褜谐懈?”
― 袠谢褜褟 袠谢褜褎, The Twelve Chairs

“袥械写褗褌 褋械 锌褍泻邪! 袥械写褗褌 褋械 锌褍泻邪, 谐芯褋锌芯写邪 褋褗写械斜薪懈 蟹邪褋械写邪褌械谢懈!”
― Evgenii Petrov, 袛胁械薪邪写褑邪褌褜 褋褌褍谢褜械胁 / 袟芯谢芯褌芯泄 褌械谢褢薪芯泻

“鈥� 袙褘 写芯胁芯谢褜薪芯 锌芯褕谢褘泄 褔械谢芯胁械泻, 鈥� 胁芯蟹褉邪卸邪谢 袘械薪写械褉, 鈥� 胁褘 谢褞斜懈褌械 写械薪褜谐懈 斜芯谢褜褕械, 褔械屑 薪邪写芯.
鈥� 袗 胁褘 薪械 谢褞斜懈褌械 写械薪械谐? 鈥� 胁蟹胁褘谢 袠锌锌芯谢懈褌 袦邪褌胁械械胁懈褔 谐芯谢芯褋芯屑 褎谢械泄褌褘.
鈥� 携 薪械 谢褞斜谢褞.
鈥� 袟邪褔械屑 卸械 胁邪屑 褕械褋褌褜写械褋褟褌 褌褘褋褟褔?
鈥� 袠蟹 锌褉懈薪褑懈锌邪!”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs

“褋褍褖械褋褌胁褍械褌 屑薪芯谐芯 褋褌邪褉褘褏 懈褋锌褘褌邪薪薪褘褏 锌褉懈械屑芯胁: 1) 锌褉芯褋褌芯械 蟹薪邪泻芯屑褋褌胁芯, 2) 谢褞斜芯胁薪邪褟 懈薪褌褉懈谐邪, 3) 蟹薪邪泻芯屑褋褌胁芯 褋芯 胁蟹谢芯屑芯屑, 4) 芯斜屑械薪, 5) 写械薪褜谐懈 懈 6) 写械薪褜谐懈.293 袩芯褋谢械写薪械械 鈥� 褋邪屑芯械 胁械褉薪芯械.”
― Ilya Ilf, 袛胁械薪邪写褑邪褌褜 褋褌褍谢褜械胁

“The story of Gavrila was told in seventy-two lines. At the end of the poem, the mailman Gavrila, wounded by a fascist's bullet, still manages to deliver the letter to its addressee.

"Where does the story take place?" he asked Lapis. It was a logical question. There are no fascists in the USSR, and there are no Gavrilas (members of the communications workers' union) abroad.

"What's the big deal?" Lapis said. "It takes place here, of course, and the fascist is in disguise.”
― Ilya Ilf, The Twelve Chairs