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“Welcome to gym. Where the quads and glutes and delts and pects, are the gods of brutes and svelte and sex.”
― Martin Boronte, I Mean It, Daphne!

“It absolutely stinks to have to pay to use public toilets, whether it’s for just a quick tinkle or for a more drawn-out doo-doo. Either way, it’s a shockingly foul business that makes millions from our blameless bladders, and where the only barriers to entry, it seems, are a couple of murky turn stiles, presumably soiled â€� for free â€� by non-coin collectors and fantastically ironic dogs. Next time we’ll remember to bring a bottle. And cork.”
― Martin Boronte, I Mean It, Daphne!

“The human body, and parts thereof, should be no more censored, pixelated or blurred, for an adult TV-watching public, than accepting as the norm, from birth, the obscenely vulgar and perverted showing of erect guns everywhere.

Sham! Bang! Fuck you Sam.”
― Martin Boronte, I Mean It, Daphne!

“Golf.

The noble game of honour, equality and fair play. Unless, that is, we happen to be packing a few quid in our back pockets, behind the score-card, in which case we can just pull out our custom made precision driver, with adjustable perimeter weighting and heavy bias in our favour, and hoick for six* our unique, spherically-tiled, tetrahedral, catenary, aerody¬namic ball � plus any remaining notion of glory, parity and fairness.

See you on the green.
__________
*A cricketing term, usually referring to someone with fortune on their side, who’s not playing with a straight bat**.
**Another cricketing term.”
― Martin Boronte, I Mean It, Daphne!

“People snapping up gossip mags of celebrities snapping their heels at the snapping paparazzi, and snapping them up even more (the mags) when they start snapping at them for snapping them.”
― Martin Boronte, I Mean It, Daphne!

“Farting is as natural as gas light and should not be frowned upon (unless it's one of those putrid puffs, upon which frown away and immediately seek shelter), or indeed lit (unless we've reached the televised stage of a talent show).”
― Martin Boronte, I Mean It, Daphne!

“Here's to swimmin' without toe-webbed cretins”
― Martin Boronte, I Mean It, Daphne!

“E = m-c (Evolution, monkey, church)”
― Martin Boronte, I Mean It, Daphne!