Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ

It's 11:30 pm on Sunday, January 22nd, 2017, and all I can think about is how my book baby is two years old today.

A toddler.  What do you know.


The last two years included a lot of crying, a lot of fear, a lot of overcoming.  They were two years that made me a stronger person.  And I'm a better writer now, because of these two years.  I understand myself and others more.

It's all because of this book, you know.  This massive sweet little book baby that swept me up in its arms from the first paragraph.  (Usually my first lines change over time but this one had to stay the same.  So important.  So poignant for where the story ends up.)  I was over the moon writing my first contemporary, something so new and...weird.  I could suddenly mention musicians I loved and throw in Harry Potter references and the characters could use cell phones.  What the heck?!  My fantasy writing brain was overjoyed.

But this book is more than just a fun writing experience.  It's a beautiful beastie that I've used as a solid wall to lean on, a stepping stone to the next big decision of my life, a pillow to cry into when things are hard.  It stood in front of me and let me see my life and all of it's beautiful, terrible, extraordinary, scary moments - and suddenly I wasn't afraid.

For that alone, I owe this book my life.

So.

To The Color Project, my first book baby to be published and a beautiful piece of my soul.  Thank you for latching yourself onto my brain and not letting me stop thinking about you, writing you, fixing you up until you were exactly what you were meant to be.  You're about to go into the world, little baby.  I hope you're okay with this.  I know I am.  I'm so ready for you to make everyone laugh and cry and feel whole again.  I look at you now, and see that you're everything I wanted you to be when I first started writing you on January 22nd, 2015, when I was supposed to be working on draft 6 of a fantasy novel.  I thought that fantasy novel was supposed to be my first book published, and I thought very, very wrong.

You were a new vision for me and you pulled through in more ways than I can count.


You might not make everyone as happy as you make me, and that's okay.  I know there will always be somebody who doesn't love you like I do.  But today - perfect timing, right? - I saw tweets from a reviewer (pictured/linked above) that make me hopeful.  This tweet in particular pushes me forward.  Somewhere, there are more people who need you in their lives, they just don't know it yet.

I can only pray you'll make it into their hands and bless them the way you bless me every day.

Happy birthday.

I love you lots.

Imagine this scenario:

You have in your possession a credit card which you use with discretion.  You've been using it for a long time, and you pay it off responsibly, and you've earned the company's trust.   You use it on trips and at home.

You're a responsible adult.

But some months, you're a little confused.  You go over everything, but you can't be sure....  Is that an extra Starbucks?  No, you had one that day, right?  Yeah, sure, that was probably that day you were really tired and needed a boost.  What about that Amazon purchase, though?  You don't remember buying that much worth of clothes and movies, but maybe you did.  Maybe you're just not paying enough attention.  You should keep receipts better, you realize.  Or maybe call the credit card company.

You give in and call.....

....only to discover you've paid for $1,000 of a stranger's grand life without realizing it.

You die a slow and painful death.*

That's how I feel right now.

Draft 5 is wonderful, and despite my doubts, I'm really enjoying it.  HOWEVER.  I keep thinking I've deleted hundreds, possibly thousands of words......and then I look up, and I'm TWO THOUSAND WORDS over what I started with at the beginning of the draft.

HOW IS THIS HAPPENING???? I FEEL CHEATED!! I could have sworn I deleted at LEAST as many as I added.  It should be a wash, rather than jumping by so many words.  The number was big already - that's the least it could do.

But NO.

I'm doing all the right things to cut this down the best I can, and it's not enough. So basically I'M DOOMED.  AND FURIOUS.

Did I mention I feel cheated?

That is all.

*I certainly hope none of you have ever been in this scenario of dying after credit card fraud.  My thoughts and prayers go out to your families.  And your ghosts.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Do you remember adults asking you this question when you were a kid?

If you don't....I don't know what planet you come from.  Everyone has been asked this question.  It's fundamental for imagination and childhood.

Think about your answers, and the answers of the kids you know now.

Firefighter!  Cop!  Astronaut!  Doctor!  Teacher!  Engineer!

There were only a few general answers at that young age, and at one point, every kid wanted to be one of those things.

Some of them grew up and followed through with those dreams.  They became the thing they wanted to be when they grew up, and that's amazing.

Now, do you remember the kids who gave unusual and unique answers?  Maybe you were one of those kids.  I sure was.  I'm talking about the kid who wanted to be a scuba diver or a drummer or a theater director or a magician or a ballerina.

If you were that kid, think of how many people told you those were unrealistic expectations.  After all, you have to make money in this world.  You have to contribute to society.  You have to go to school and get your bachelor's degree and make your parents proud.

Yeah, I've heard that speech plenty of times in my life.  Thankfully, my parents have always been supportive of my love of writing.  They've seen my dedication and genuine passion and have supported me in all my decisions.  But other people?  Not so much.  I remember the first time a woman told me I had to get a 4-year degree because you have to learn how to write in a classroom, and that I better use my degree to become a teacher, because writing doesn't make that much money.

Um, no, that's a lie that society told you, and you bought it.

(If you're here and you agree with that woman, it might be too late for you.  But you can start .)

People get it into their heads that there are only a few ways to be successful in life, and that is to make money.  Anything that makes you money, you're on the right track.  We've known this about humanity in general for quite some time, but I didn't realize how bad it is until the other day when I was talking to one of my best friends.  She's a scientist at an aging lab at UCSF.  Someone who has a "respectable" path ahead of her, someone who will one day soon make a decent living off her research.  Someone who, to the general public, is bettering the world more than "those entertainers" ever could.

Except....she, too, gets ridiculed.  The science she's passionate about is a new branch of study, and there aren't many people involved.  Someone in the last couple of decades thought, "Hey, I have new ideas about this type of research.  Let's try it differently."  And that group of people is now constantly up against the rest of the sciences.

That's incredibly daunting.  And perfectly stupid.

It's almost like people get stuck on those 5 or 6 general career choices.  Those are the acceptable ways to make money and spend your time.  Anything else is frivolity, not worth your time, unimportant.

Wrong.  We are the ones who do what we must because we love it, not because we want to make money.  We are the ones with everything to lose.  We are the cracks and crevices in the structure of society, the thread in the fabric of our world.  We are the set designers and museum curators, the writers of fantasy and the booksellers.  We are YouTubers and wedding photographers and nannies.  We are the new scientists with new ways of thinking and the pioneers of new ideas.  We are getting the actors on stage and we are there to clean up after the show is done.

We are important.  And we want to do what we're passionate about, for that reason only - no strings attached.  We want to do what we love.  We don't mind working extra jobs ringing up food or folding clothes or stocking books or sweeping up popcorn.  We will continue to do these jobs, because what we do when we get home, exhausted and hungry, is far more important than the number in our savings account.  It's fulfillment.

I wish when That Woman told me I couldn't learn how to write outside of a classroom, because I would have gotten real with her instead of shutting up.  But guess what?  I pushed through anyway.  I kept writing.  People didn't believe me, that I could do it, that I could write something worth reading, that I had skill enough to possibly make a living one day.  So I showed them.  I proved to them that I had something to offer.

I'm still not making a living off what I love to do.  That might take several more years.  But am I happy?  Yes.  Are people blessed because of my words?  So far, yes.  More than I ever expected.  Are my efforts lost to the world in frivolity?  *snorts* No.  That, I can say with complete confidence.

There will always be someone there to tell you you're not doing enough, you're not doing it right.  In every vocation, in every pursuit of passion, there will be an obnoxious person or two or eleven who tells you that you can't do that thing you love doing, because it's not important.

Don't listen to them.  Your gifts are so damn important.  They are what make you you.  They are what change the world and open people's eyes.  You are the person who is going to earn a thousand second glances (and eventually, an audience) because your work is irresistible in a sea of mundane nonsense.

Make us proud.  Fight for what you love.

We are so excited to see what you can do.

....or at least to all websites where books are sold:

THE COLOR PROJECT
No, I didn't sell to a big publishing house.  I didn't get an agent.  I'm doing something I never thought I'd do, something I was against for a long time (for reasons I will explain).
I'm self publishing.
I'm. Self. Publishing.
But before I go into that, here's a little bit about the book.  Since I don't have an official blurb yet, here's a little bit about it straight from my heart, very personal, very unofficial.

THE COLOR PROJECT is, at its heart, about a girl with insecurities finding a community full of amazing, different, strange, beautiful people.

It's about a sweet boy and first love.

It's about heartbreak and hardship.

It's about the darkness before the dawn....and the dawn, because the sun always rises. 

It's about family - the family of your blood and the family you make.

It's about my own sufferings and trials and triumphs.

It's about my own hopes and dreams and desires.

It's about the everyman everygirl.

But I'm getting emotional.

*clears throat*

Onto the details.

You know when you're chasing one thing, headed in one direction, for a really long time, and you're getting nowhere?  And then suddenly you hit that wall, that dead-end, and you have to reevaluate?  That happened to me last weekend.
You're probably thinking, "Woah, Sierra, slow down.  Think this through.  Go over things rationally."
Trust me, this is as crazy to me as it is to you.  Possibly more crazy.  Yeah, it's way more crazy to me.  And this is about as rational as things are going to get.  I have complete peace to pursue this path, to run this race.
And, wow, let me tell you this: God has opened every single door for me this week.  Every single thing I thought I could never accomplish on my own - well, I was right.  But I'm not alone now.  I already have a professional editor who I trust and love and know is going to whip this book into shape.  I've already talked to a team of distributors and a press that I love, that has a team I'm so excited to work with.  I already have an incredible number of readers and bloggers willing to read and review and spread the word.
I am blown away by this, and so thankful to everyone I've already talked to, everyone who has offered support, and everyone who's been excited for me as I prepare to announce this.  I'm so ready to get started, but that's going to take some time.  And lots of money up front.
Ha ha ha ha YOU KNOW IT WAS COMING, RIGHT?  Because self publishing is really expensive, I am asking for your help.  If you want to help out, I've created a Crowdrise fundraiser for people to donate to.  If you don't have the funds (I completely understand) but still want to help out, you can share this post/the fundraiser link, and/or contact me about being on my street team (more official posts on that later).

TO DONATE:  
TO JOIN MY STREET TEAM: email me at [email protected] and we'll start talking details!
Here are some notes from early readers (I still cry when I read over these because ;alskdjf;alskdfj;alksdf how can these kind words be about my baby????):

"TCP made me so happy, bonded me with the characters, and fully enraptured me with it's beauty. I connected with Bee on a spiritual level (can you even do that with a fictional character?? you can now I guess), and honestly helped me through a time when I didn't want to keep on living. It brough up some painful memories, but moving on with the characters brought back memories of moving on, too. This book has literally forever changed my life." - MK

´ÊÌý

"I was a beta reader for the most recent draft of The Color Project, and I’ve got too many thoughts and feelings about the story do it justice with my puny words. For that, I apologize. However, the thing that stands out to me most about the book is the truth and rawness that the topic of terminal illness is approached. Despite the reality of someone who is loved being sick, perhaps irreparably, life keeps happening. None of the characters give up all hope of ever being happy again. People still fall in love. Mistakes are still made. Life keeps going, people keep laughing, and while it is interrupted, the powerful humanness of it never really stops.

This book spoke to me. The characters were true from start to finish, nothing of the storyline ever felt forced or rushed. The Color Project is truly hilarious, all-encompassing, and life changing all at the same time." - EC

 ´ÊÌý

"YOUR STORIES ARE LIKE WHIMSICAL AND MADE OF DREAMS AND CLOUD DUST BUT SOMEHOW STILL WONDERFULLY RAW AND REAL AND PAINFUL.  IT'S LIKE COMBINING FAIRY DUST AND RAIN CLOUDS AND DARK COLORS INTO A BLOB OF SOMETHING THAT'S SO REAL AND UNREAL AT THE SAME TIME.  just psa." - MS

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"OH MY GOODNESS YOU ARE MY NEWEST FAVORITE WRITER OF EVER AND ALSFKJASL;KFJAS;LDFA;SLFJA;SLFJASLDFJAS;DFLKJAS;FLJKASDF;LASFLASDF IT’S BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT AND WONDERFUL AND JUST GAH." - LB 

Thank you for reading this post, and for your support.  You guys are amazing.  Thank you for helping me make this dream of 15 years a reality.

"There's a million things I haven't done, but just you wait." - Hamilton: An American Musical

I've had this as a draft on Blogger for 2 months now. I keep meaning to sit down and do it, but that's exactly what this post is about.

Let me explain.
To see me in this new, good place I'm in, you must first go back in time to see me in a very sad place.
(Hold on to your pants. This is turning out to be a long one.)
I've been a write-a-holic for the last 3.5 years. Ever since I decided to quit school and write full time and work full time, I realized I had to show everyone how serious I was about writing before they'd take me seriously. I heard all the arguments - and I knew how to answer. They said I'd be a better writer by going to school (no, you become a better writer by reading and writing consistently), that publishers would pick me up faster if they saw I had a degree (every author I spoke to about this told me that's not true), that I'd make more money if I got a degree and a job and then wrote (because the economy is so bad, no job is guaranteed with or without a degree, and I'd rather not go $80,000 in debt for a degree that does not guarantee me a job, and would take away from me actually writing).
It still wasn't enough, but people sat back quietly and watched me work.
That's when I started cranking out drafts. It was fast, exciting. Every two or three months I'd have a new draft of something. I let people read my work for the first time, too - and I got a freaking amazing response. Now I had their attention. Now they knew I was serious and that, God willing, I could make a career out of this.
But let's be real - in the beginning of this endeavor, I was depressed, and I was hardly working. I had a nighttime job that I could sleep at and get paid for. I still lived with my parents, so no rent. I had minor car and phone bills.
And then I lost my job. My boss was moving, and even though there was a possible library position opening up, there was no promise.
My depression, which I denied at the time, became infinitely worse. I gained even more weight (I was already a bigger girl). I ate poorly and had terrible sleeping habits.
Needless to say, for the next year, I worked a consistent 8-12 hours a week. It was barely enough to pay the rent I was paying (I now lived next door in my parents' casita with my best friend) and buy food. I barely made it.
But the whole time, I was writing. I had time during the day - lots of it - so I wrote fast and I wrote well. I finished a lot of drafts - close to 18 in the last 3.5 years. I was even getting closer to querying. I started daydreaming about my first contemporary novel.
And then I was blessed with an amazing full-time job as a nanny. Things....started getting out of hand. Working 34-36 hours a week AND writing at this pace I'd kept up for 1.5 years was IMPOSSIBLE. But I strived. I slowed down, sure, but I tried so hard to keep up with old Sierra.
That put me deeper into depression. It was horrible.
I finished a contemporary and started a new one, all the while taking a break from my fantasy to reevaluate everything. I went with my family to China to adopt my little brother (which comes with its own set of issues, as amazing as it has been).
I was just as depressed as this new contemporary MC - and I couldn't see either of those facts. I struggled with Aspen for literally 9 months, all the while plotting new stories, editing my first contemporary (and even querying and getting full/partial manuscript requests!), and writing other things. Finally, around the time Aspen budged, I budged.
I was depressed, I realized fully, finally. So is Aspen. I was holding on to a lot of things - just like Aspen. I needed to let them go, exactly as I was describing in the book. (The details on how/why I let go are personal and spiritual, and not why I'm writing this, but if you want to know, feel free to email me or DM me on Twitter. <3)
After that, I started to see things clearly. I knew exactly what story to write next. I knew how to end Aspen's story. I knew when to start editing my fantasy again. I knew I needed help with my first contemporary and someone (a professional and someone I now consider a friend) offered at just the right time.
And then I saw the rest of my life clearly: how hard I was working to pay my bills; how badly I needed a little bit of a social life; how I had put off the people who needed me, who I needed; how I needed to change how I treated my family.
All these things were suddenly just as important as my writing. And they were going to take time. Time to overcome, and time out of my day.
Equally suddenly: I was okay with that. I wouldn't put so much pressure on myself to write 2,000 words every time I had a day off. (And I'd be okay with not blogging as much as I'd hoped to, because there was so much going on.) I'd write for an hour, I told myself, and hope the words came. If they didn't, I'd go about my day. I'd get coffee with a friend, I'd hang out with my fambam. And then later when I'd done the dishes or swept my house, I'd try again. But only for an hour, because who needs that kind of stress??
And here's the thing: MY PACE PICKED UP. I wrote more in those meager hours than I had in full days set aside for writing. The words were better, too, I realized. I was even inspired to start a new (very top secret) story that I'm almost 10K words into.
On the days I don't get to write, sure I'm bummed. I love writing, even in the hard times. But I stepped back. I reevaluated my whole life. I balanced myself.
I gave myself permission to live my life.
In doing so, I become a better writer, a better plotter, a better story teller each day. "I'm tired today (and for good reason). Maybe I'll fold clothes and watch an episode of Criminal Minds and be inspired by another writer instead." "I don't think I have a full hour, but I'll write a quick 300 words and then read." "I have the full day off and a lot of energy, but I'll set the timer for two hours of writing and then I'll go exercise."
As much as I want to make writing my career, it's not yet. I have to make a living for myself other ways in the meantime, and I have to be inspired to write by experience. I can't do either of those things if I'm trying to force myself to write words that won't come.
It's a vicious cycle.
And I broke it.
10/10 would recommend.

I used to daydream about getting 3-star reviews.

Yes, yes I did.  I used to and I laugh at myself.  Not for the reason you're probably thinking, though.  And I dreamed about 5-star reviews, too!  I used to lose myself in a daydream that involves screaming fans and movie deals and meeting Henry Cavill.  (There was also an unsurprising lack of tax paying in these daydreams.)  Of course, I was never as hung up on that as the 3-star reviews because it always seemed far-fetched.  Publishing?  Totally doable.  Making it big?  My head isn't that inflated.

But this year, both of those dreams have faded away, and it comes down to one simple fact: I'm more in love with my stories than I ever have been, and I have more confidence in the stories I'm called to write.  More than last year, the year before that, etc.  I'd say this year I've gone back to what it was like closer to when I started writing: no strings attached, no people asking to beta read, no expectations for future books from the 10-15 readers who have already beta read 2 of my books.  Just me and my imagination.

Because of this, I no longer daydream about fame and fortune.  Sure, if I end up in the top 5% (WHICH IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY), you won't see me complaining.  My only hope is that no matter what my bank account looks like, I'll always remain the same writer.  I don't want to get caught up in that; I just want to be me.  And I want to write.  And I'd like to travel.  I don't have to have millions of dollars to do those things.

Now, while it's nice to come to these conclusions and be happy with never making it big, there's a more important revelation at hand.

I'd rather you give my book 1 star and hate its horrid little guts, than give it 3 stars and say it was "just okay".

I started realizing this last year when I read a few very forgettable 3-star books.  I sat there and stared at my Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ and tried to come up with words to write about these books.  "What do I tell people?  They're not horrible but they're not great?  The characters were lame?  The writing was like everyone else's?  It didn't stand out?"  Well, those aren't mean things to say, exactly, but they sure as hell turn me off when I see them in other people's reviews.

Then I started thinking about what makes me want to read a book.  "I LOVED THIS BOOK" or "I HATED THIS BOOK" usually do the trick.  (Related:  I finish books I hate more often than books I think are "just okay".)

If a book has invoked such strong emotions in someone that they are raging and ranting about it, I'm more likely to be curious.  I'll want to try for myself.  And if I hate it as well, at least it made me feel something.

Yeah.  I'm one of those people.

I don't want you to read my book and say it was good and then forget about it the next day or week or month.  I want you to throw it at the wall at the end and say, "HOW DARE SHE WRITE THIS."  If you do this, it means one of two things.  You're either madly in love and will start getting involved with fandom and obsess over the rest of my books as they come out, OR you'll host a communal book burning.

Either way, I've made you feel something, and deeply.  That's all I ever ask for when I read, and that's all I ever want to give to my readers.  I want you to feel some emotion in a really gigantic way that changes you, even if it's just a small change.  Because that means it's big enough to talk about, worthy of discussion, and that's the reason I write.  Big ideas, hard topics, and flawed characters -- some I know you'll hate when you read about them, or at least want to bash their heads in with frustration.  And if you read it and you didn't like how it was handled or it went against your own experiences, that's okay.  I wrote what I was supposed to write, and it's important to me, and it's a part of my journey.  Thank you for coming along with me for part of it, even if you won't be here the whole way.

In summary: I don't want millions of dollars or a lot of "good" reviews.  I want to change lives and alter perspectives.

That may just be the harder path of the two.

HOLY HELL IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.

Ahem, excuse me.  I'm so sorry for the absence.  I know I warned you before, but still.  I have missed this blog so much and I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU GUYS.

But as of now, I'm going to reintroduce Music Monday, because it's my favorite thing ever, and because I have SO MANY DELICIOUS SONGS TO SHARE WITH YOU IN THE UPCOMING WEEKS.

Let's go -

*


WE HAVE IT ALL // PIM STONES







SOMEHOW, THIS MAN ONLY HAS ONE SONG (that I can find).  But it is one of the most glorious songs I've ever heard.  It has become the theme song for a new and very problematic character of mine, who you guys will hear about very soon, because he has been screeching at me for a week now.

But yes, if you need dark and melancholy inspiration for morally loose characters, please give this song a listen or ten thousand.

*

ENEMIES // SHINEDOWN




My dad showed me this song (bless him) a few days ago and ever since then I've had it playing in my head.  I love this kind of music but it's hard for me to explore.  SO I'm thankful for this song, and my dad, and this band for existing.  And for the inspiration I'm getting from it for more than one story, including the new one I mentioned above.

*

I hope you all are doing well!  What music have you been listening to/inspired by?  Any recs?  Miss you all bunches!

Lots of hugs!

XOXO,
Sierra

(Photo by Jill Greenberg!)
This weekend is query weekend.

I know one thing for sure:  Last time I sent out queries, I didn't feel this way.  I also know that last time I sent out queries, I wasn't completely ready.  I wasn't 1000% over-the-moon excited and happy with my story.  I was nervous, sure, but I was also blind to my novel's faults and the things I was too scared to fix/change.

With The Color Project, I'm more than ready.  I've had 25+ opinions, and they've been honest and glorious.  Some people read more than one draft to show me how the differences between drafts have helped the story.  And while this book isn't perfect (I believe no work of art is or can ever be, and that's the beauty of it!), it's so freakin' ready I can't even....I can't even.  When I sent out the last draft, I expected lots of notes from people.  Things for thing to catch and ask me to change.  I was worried that after all this time of me feeling like "Yes, this is it" was going to go to waste.

But my readers saw what I had seen, no questions asked.  Aside from a few typos (which I promptly fixed), everybody came to the same conclusion: it was time for me to go forward.

Well, now I'm forward, and I'm paralyzed with fear.

Like, I literally just squatted next to my bed with my head resting against the sheets, feeling this overwhelming sensation of THIS IS THE END welling up like a monster.  It was horrible.  I have hated the first 10 pages of my manuscript these last few days because of this growing fear.  I've ignored all the compliments I've received and I've forgotten every one of those 25 readers who's said they loved the book from the very beginning.

Or, more like it, I assumed they were lying to me.

That's a pretty rude assumption.  I see that now.

So after the monster grew to its full potential, I finally lost it to crying.  I needed to cry over this, because I'm just that kind of person, but maybe I should have cried over it earlier.  Maybe I should have given in faster?  I don't really know.

During my panic attack, I called my friend Cassie, who I knew would put me in my place.  Her words?  "Get over it."  I laughed (in the middle of sobbing) and when she tried to apologize, I said, "No, that's why I called you specifically.  I needed to hear you say that."  Then she gave me comfort, and reminded me that I'm ready (and this book is ready) in a way that I've never been before.

That in itself is terrifying.  But that's where I find myself chanting my mother's words of wisdom, over and over again:  "Do it afraid."  Or to quote one of my favorite books in the entire world:  "Forgo breath.  Fear, not fact, impedes you."

Because the facts are pointing straight at this book being done.  The facts are that it's finished and I'm scared of jumping into the next step because NEW TERRITORY.

Weirdly enough, I'm acting just like the MC of The Color Project, Bee.  The funny part?  I created Bee to have literally all of my character/personality.  So, I guess you could say I did an a-okay job?

*breathes into paper bag*

That might be another part of it, too.  Bee is so much of me.  The story is so much of my life.  The characters were inspired by my friends and the struggles are SO DAMN REAL.  This book -- it is my greatest vulnerability.  It is everything about me scrawled out in ink, and it's about to go out into the world to be criticized.  By professionals.

HA.  *dies*

But the thing is, they won't be criticizing me, which is what I need to get out of my head.  They'll be critiquing the story, and the grammar, and fixing things, but they won't be fixing me.  The agent and editor I one day sign with -- they're going to have the same vision for this book that I do.  That's the whole point of art: finding a vision together.  Bringing people together with that vision.  I believe this book is going to do exactly that.  I believe it already has.

So, the question begs to be asked:  What the hell am I waiting for?

HI GUYS!

I'm here with news: I'm wrapping up this draft (4) and working on my synopsis and finalizing my query letters.
I AM ALMOST DONE.
For the last two months I have been experiencing some really intense emotional stuff that relates to friendship and health. Me writing during those times has looked a lot like this:

Now that I'm in the clear on both fronts, however, I need to sit down and finish things. I have approx. 25 hours of free time coming this Thursday-Sunday, and I WILL WIN THIS. *ahem* I mean, I will calmly and rationally tackle all the tasks ahead of me.

But that means I need to take a little break. Probably 2 weeks, because 1 week for finishing + 1 week for scheduling posts. I AM VERY EXCITED FOR SOME OF THE POST IDEAS I HAVE AND I WANT TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU.
Just...not when I'm trying to be good and can't seem to focus on anything except THE END and how FREAKIN' CLOSE I AM TO TYPING IT.
So. Keep me in your prayers and send me encouragement (I'm on Twitter @yearningtoread and appreciate gifs of Sebastian Stan and Henry Cavill and BBC's Merlin) as well as a good kick in the pants on Thurs/Fri/Sat/Sun as I marathon.
You guys are the best. Rock on.


XOXO

GUYS I'M SO EXCITED TO FINALLY JOIN IN ON THIS AWESOMESAUCE FUN.

I love and , who host this lovely series.  They rock my world.  And basically...just...yes.  I'm excited, can you tell?????

I tried to decide which OTP to cover with this post, but it was too hard, so I decided to talk about both and and .  They are very different couples and have so much to offer that...I just can't resist.  (Links will take you to their book pages so you can learn what they're about/genres/etc.)

I'm also including an OTP theme song for each couple because, like, MUSIC, okay?!

TO START: BEEVI.


Levi + BeeTHE COLOR PROJECT
(ESFJ + INFJ)

How did they first meet?  LOLLL! Bee's car gets two flat tires (poor baby) and Levi works at the car shops she takes it to.  Since she's a complete dork, she ends up staring at his beautiful face awkwardly until he outright laughs at her.  (They actually meet for the first time when she picks up her car three days later.)What were their first impressions of each other?  Bee thought he was beautiful and wondered why he was wearing colorful sweaters to work at a car shop.  Levi thought she was adorkable.How long have they been a couple?  In the book, they are a couple for about 2 of the 5 months it spans.How committed/loyal are they to each other? Would they break up over a secret or a disagreement? Could stress drive them apart? Would they die for each other?  HA!  I can't say.  You'll have to read the book to find out.List 5 "food quirks" they know about each other.  Oh this is cute!  1. Levi has a thing for the donut shop down the road; 2. Bee can't live without tea; 3. Their mutual favorite food is sushi; 4. Bee stress eats; 5. Levi practically grew up on eating cookies late at night.Does anyone disapprove of their relationship?  I mean...not really? Almost everyone around them ships them.  Levi's dad, though, is kind of a freak and hates everyone.  So I guess you could count him.What would be an ideal date?  These two are so chill and cute.  An ideal date for them would be, like, eating takeout sushi under the stars and baking cookies after and then making out with floured faces.  Not an exaggeration.What are their personality dynamics? Similar? Contrasting? Do they fight a lot or mesh perfectly?  They contrast in all the right places (he's an extrovert, she's an introvert, sort of thing), and they are similar where it counts.  They do push each other out of their comfort zones, though, so that causes some fighting...when one of them finally breaks/snaps.  It's kind of awful/ugly but oh wow their love is powerful so.  Have hope, Beevi.  Have hope.What have been their best and worst moments together as a couple?  Oh gosh.  I don't think I could pick just one of each?  I mean, I think their worst is a little bit spoilery so I'm not going to say.  But they have SO MANY best moments.  They are so sweet.Where do they see themselves and their relationship in the next few years?  LOLLL Levi would say married with twins on the way.  Be would say married and decidedly not pregnant for at least four years.  They'd be running The Color Project charity in sweet honeymoon bliss, living in the attic room, totally loving life.AREN'T THEY JUST PRECIOUS BABY CINNAMON ROLLS?!


Okay, enough.  Onto my babies Sebaspen, who are literally made of 75% angst and 25% sass.


Sebastian + Aspen
THE CURE THAT NEVER WAS
(ESFJ + INTJ)


How did they first meet?  When Aspen was around 10. And Sebastian was a teenager, maybe 15/16?  They met when Aspen met her best friend, Holly, Sebastian's sister.What were their first impressions of each other?  So much hate from Aspen.  Sebastian was deplorable for a while, so I understand.  And Sebastian couldn't have cared less about her.  She was an annoying 10 year old friend of his sister's.How long have they been a couple?  I don't really know how to answer this question because it takes them a LONG TIME to figure out their issues.  So not long at all.How committed/loyal are they to each other? Would they break up over a secret or a disagreement? Could stress drive them apart? Would they die for each other?  I think they could be driven apart by a secret or a disagreement, but more in a "let's take a break from each other" sort of way.  They'd come back to each other eventually and really want to make it work.  And even though they'd struggle through a lot of things, I believe they have a love strong enough to stick it out permanently.List 5 "food quirks" they know about each other.  Um. Oh gosh.  The whole book is about the fact that they're ignoring each other in their grief and don't see each other.  When they finally have a breakthrough, it's glorious, but that's when they finally learn each others' quirks.Does anyone disapprove of their relationship?  HAHAHAHAHAHA DOES ANYONE DISAPPROVE FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK LOLLL they are actually 5-6 years apart in age?  So Aspen being 16 dating a 22 year old is a little...frowned upon.  But they do it right and Seb isn't a creeper.  (I know so many people in real life who have very successful relationships/marriages with people 5-10 years older, including teenagers, so I wanted to write about that with Sebaspen.  You know, where it isn't the older, young adult male trying to get the young girl to go off and do drugs and sneak behind her parents' backs?  Not that that doesn't happen, but I felt like the other side needed representation.)What would be an ideal date?  The entirety of TCTNW is them traveling the world together, so any date after they're a couple would have to be incredibly...exciting? Interesting? Unusual?  Maybe an exotic art museum or a night camping in Joshua Tree or a really expensive restaurant on a pier, etc.What are their personality dynamics? Similar? Contrasting? Do they fight a lot or mesh perfectly?  Oh, my God.  They hate each other so much in the beginning.  They're both pretty serious people, but their ESFJ/INTJ mix makes them pretty...weird for each other.  They have to work really hard to see from the other person's perspective, otherwise they both get stuck in their own world.  Aspen is a liar; Sebastian isn't sensitive enough.  On top of that, Sebastian likes to just chill and exist, which makes Aspen SO FLIPPING ANGRY because she wants to be ALIVE.  Both are very proud and have a mean streak (oh God so mean), so that doesn't do any good when they're fighting...which is all the time.  But once they start to learn each other, things ease up.What have been their best and worst moments together as a couple?  Best moment so far? Working together on their boating outing THE FIRST TIME THEY ACTUALLY WORK TOGETHER AND ARE NICE TO EACH OTHER, OH HUZZAH! and also their first kiss and all their kisses are quite nice actually.  And their worst moment?  Probably when she slaps him.  Or when they realize how lonely they are but they don't want to cling to each other quite yet.  Ick.  I'm getting emotional.Where do they see themselves and their relationship in the next few years?  Sebastian's settled, a firefighter in Denver, CO.  Aspen will be in school and college somewhere out of the state, so their relationship will be long distance for a while.  They'll frequently visit each other, probably with a lot of "breaks" in between, and eventually Aspen will be mature enough to handle a consistent relationship.  I see them getting married a good five to seven years after they start dating.  Oh, that would be one hell of a marriage.  In the best possible fiery way.ACK THEY ARE SO RIDICULOUS.

But here.  Let's soothe that festering wound (that's how it feels to me, anyway) with some of Samuel and Clara.  They are my first babies, my ultimate ship, the ORIGINAL SHIP.  For me at least.  And for a lot of my readers, I guess.  I haven't talked about THE FIFTH QUEEN on here a lot yet, because that's what I've been taking a break from for the last 6 months.  But I'm getting back into it soon so I wanted to include them in the party.


Samuel + Clara
THE FIFTH QUEEN
(ENFP + ISFJ)


How did they first meet?  Christmas Eve, 1890, just before Clara was swept into Samuel's world.What were their first impressions of each other?  Clara: HI HELLO YOU ARE A STRANGER WHY ARE YOU SO IMPORTANT ALL OF A SUDDEN; Samuel: Hello, yes, I'm madly in love with you, have been for four years, let's get married ASAP and have babies.How long have they been a couple?  Erm...they aren't really a couple until book 2, and after that things are rocky, not between them but around them, so...I actually don't know how to answer for them, either.  Circumstances are weird.  Situation is spoilery.  You understand.How committed/loyal are they to each other? Would they break up over a secret or a disagreement? Could stress drive them apart? Would they die for each other?  God, so committed.  There's so much blood and death and sadness around them that when they're together and happy, they choose to stay that way out of fear that they'll lose each other to the war the next day.  So, no, there isn't much that could wedge in between them......but of course I find the one thing that would and make it happen.  It's actually the most integral part of the last 2 books in the series.  Even though everyone knows they will always love each other and always fight for each other/would totally die for each other, this thing is quite a scare.List 5 "food quirks" they know about each other.  Agh.  Quirks in general...  Clara mutters to herself in threes when she's stressed.  Samuel tries to explain things away when he's nervous.  Clara doesn't know much about Samuel's world in the beginning, so he lets her try all his favorite foods.  Samuel is resilient and doesn't eat much while traveling....  I think that's five?Does anyone disapprove of their relationship?  Elliott, Samuel's bro-in-law.  Elliott's prickly and mean and sad and boo Elliott, but he does have his reasons.  Even though Clara's like "DUDE IMMA PROVE YOU WRONG" and oh gosh I love Clara.  *ahem* anyway.  Also a certain someone who wants both of them dead through the entire series but I can't say who?  And sometimes this other character whose name I can't mention. (GUYS IT'S REALLY HARD WRITING A 6-BOOK SERIES AND NOT BEING ABLE TO SAY SPOILERY THINGS.)What would be an ideal date?  Climbing trees or sitting in towers, curled up with a story book and a map and a candle.What are their personality dynamics? Similar? Contrasting? Do they fight a lot or mesh perfectly?  Actually, they're really compatible.  Like I said, not a lot would drive them apart, and they're just so happy to finally be together, ya know?  Oh goodness they make me so happy.What have been their best and worst moments together as a couple?  Best: When they discover something about their relationship that I can't quite divulge.  Worst: The aforementioned thing from question #4.Where do they see themselves and their relationship in the next few years?  *laughing maniacally* If they're still alive?  Raising a child, for sure.  Samuel will want to build a house for them somewhere magical and quiet and safe, where they can let the children run around while Clara practices knife-throwing and Samuel serves the ruler(s)-who-shall-not-be-named.Honestly, doing this has got me so riled up to start editing TFQ again.  DRAFT EIGHT CAN'T GET ME DOWN.  WON'T. NUH-UH.
So that's it.  Those are my three main character couples right now (although I have sooooo many ships I can't wait to share with you one day).  What did you think?  Who is your favorite couple?  Who do you think you would relate to most?  Leave links below for your Beautiful People posts, if you have them, and I will check them out!
XOXO