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“It is as if my life were magically run by two electric currents: joyous positive and despairing negative - which ever is running at the moment dominates my life, floods it.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

“I couldn鈥檛 trust my own emotions. Which emotional reactions were justified, if any? And which ones were tainted by the mental illness of BPD? I found myself fiercely guarding and limiting my emotional reactions, chastising myself for possible distortions and motivations. People who had known me years ago would barely recognize me now. I had become quiet and withdrawn in social settings, no longer the life of the party. After all, how could I know if my boisterous humor were spontaneous or just a borderline desire to be the center of attention? I could no longer trust any of my heart felt beliefs and opinions on politics, religion, or life. The debate queen had withered. I found myself looking at every single side of an issue unable to come to any conclusions for fear they might be tainted. My lifelong ability to be assertive had turned into a constant state of passivity.”
― Rachel Reiland, Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder

“No neurotic harbors thoughts of suicide which are not murderous impulses against others redirected upon himself.”
― Sigmund Freud, Totem and Taboo

“Imagining that you are deep and complex, but others are simple, is one of the primary signs of malignant selfishness.”
― Stefan Molyneux

“You are a warrior in a dark forest, with no compass and are unable to tell who the actual enemy is, So you never feel safe ..”
― Anonymous

“recognizing how even poison is a form of medicine when used the right way.”
― Kiera Van Gelder

“Unbearable pain that is expressed and acknowledged becomes bearable. But borderlines received no such responses in their childhood. Therefore, they are stuck in the past, trying to elicit what they needed as a child鈥攙alidation of their unbearable pain.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“Although borderline mothers may love their children as much as other mothers, their deficits in cognitive functioning and emotional regulation create behaviors that undo their love. Borderline mothers have difficulty loving their children patiently and consistently. Their love does not endure misunderstandings or disagreements. They can be jealous, rude, irritable, resentful, arrogant, and unforgiving. Healthy love is based on trust and is the essence of emotional security.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“Therapists hear horrifying stories of child abuse that never make the headlines. The media seem drawn to stories about children who die, as if the suffering of those who survive is any less terrifying.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“Children who live with a predatory mother become unconsciously preoccupied with reading their mother鈥檚 moods. A fleeting glance, a furtive gesture, deceleration, and a shift of direction are signals of an approaching Turn. Bracing, hiding, or merely holding on gives children a much-needed sense of control. Shutting down, avoiding eye contact, and getting away are other means of establishing control.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“It is rare for even adult children to abandon their mother, regardless of how many times their mother has abandoned them.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“Therapists sometimes warn family members not to depend on the person with BPD to validate their self-worth, yet young children have no choice. They can and will do anything to hold onto the good mother (the loving, caring person) who unpredictably turns into the Witch mother (the terrifying, raging beast).”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“Attacks by the Witch mother are like tornadoes: random, devastating, and unpredictable. Naturally, her children are on constant alert for changes in the atmosphere that might indicate when and where she will 鈥淭urn.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“Witch mothers possess a laser-like ability to detect areas of vulnerability in others. Like the witch in Hansel and Gretel, the borderline Witch has 鈥渁 keen sense of smell鈥� for human weakness. Witch mothers know what to say to hurt or scare their children, and use humiliation and degradation to punish them.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“As a child, did you feel like you fell short, disappointing a parent, stepparent, or caretaker because you weren鈥檛 good enough, didn鈥檛 do enough, or just weren鈥檛 able to please, no matter how hard you tried? Did you feel responsible for your parent鈥檚 happiness and guilty if you felt happy yourself? Did you feel damned if you did and damned if you didn鈥檛, that whatever you did or said was the wrong thing (and boy would you pay for it)? Were you accused of things you hadn鈥檛 done? Did you feel manipulated at times? Feel appreciated one minute and attacked the next? Thought you must be 鈥渃razy鈥� because a parent鈥檚 actions or reactions didn鈥檛 make any sense? Question your own intuition, judgment, or memory, believing you must have missed or misinterpreted something? Did you feel on guard all the time, that life with your parent was never predictable?

You weren鈥檛 crazy. Not then,聽and聽not聽now.”
― Kimberlee Roth, Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem

“When enraged, some divorced borderlines may deprive their children of contact with their father either to punish him or the children.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“Borderline mothers have difficulty allowing their children to grow up. The dependency of a newborn can be intensely satisfying to the borderline mother, but as the child becomes increasingly independent, conflict erupts.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“The relationship between a borderline mother and her child may change dramatically when the child is approximately 2 years old, begins to speak, and expresses a separate will. The mother鈥檚 anxiety intensifies because the child is no longer totally dependent and cannot be completely controlled.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“Because she lives in a state of alarm, she notices things that others miss.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“The voices of children are easily silenced by the fear of not being believed. If 3-year-old Michael Smith had somehow miraculously survived, would he have told anyone that his mother tried to drown him? Would anyone have believed him? No one wants to believe that a mother would sacrifice her own child, especially the child.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“Witch mothers are more likely to bring their children for treatment than to seek help for themselves. They project their own pathology onto their child, and often expect the child to be institutionalized. Because the no-good child is the target of the Witch鈥檚 projections of self-hatred, the mother may wish for the child to be sent away.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“Ernest Wolf (1988) explains that 鈥渕erger-hungry鈥� personalities need to control others completely. The borderline Witch鈥檚 merger-hungry personality leaves her children feeling devoured, suffocated, oppressed, and imprisoned. Even as adults, her children may dream about prison camps, holocausts, invasions, wars, and natural disasters. They fear for their survival.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“Suicide is not a way of ending pain, it's just a way to redistributing it.”
― Mishell Baker

“Hear me out. The idea of 'radical acceptance' is that sometimes in order to reduce suffering, you have to stop fighting the situation and do the counterintuitive thing. Wholeheartedly embrace reality, spiky bits and all.”
― Mishell Baker, Phantom Pains

“The effects of parental abandonment, abuse, and neglect can be mitigated if children have access to a relationship with a loving adult such as a teacher, a minister, a neighbor, or a relative who is empathically attuned to the child鈥檚 feelings.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“The desperate hunger of the borderline Queen is akin to the behavior of an infant who has gone too long between feedings. Starved, frustrated, and beyond the ability to calm or soothe herself, she grabs, flails, and wails until at last the nipple is planted securely and perhaps too deeply in her mouth. She coughs, gags, chokes, and spits, eyeing the elusive breast like a wolf guarding her food. Similarly, the Queen holds on to what is hers, taking more than she can use, in case it might be taken away prematurely.”
― Christine Ann Lawson, Understanding the Borderline Mother

“She looks so much like a person hurt beyond belief, with her rubbed-to-fuzz hair and her screaming and her blistered eyes. Nothing else matters but her pain, the biggest, loudest thing in the world, unimaginable, a way that people only ever expect to feel maybe once in their life, if ever at all, and maybe never even really recover from. She gets this way all the time. Ripped to shreds when a relationship ends. Is this real? Could this possibly be real? Can real grief even happen this many times to a single human body?”
― Ainslie Hogarth, Motherthing

“Dubious is the restless heart
The nerves pathed by melancholy
As the heart pulsates with hope
It is but, crushed with a pressing might,
the conniving mind,
presses against the soul
with an impetus so powerful
the body thuds
falls with a cry
A cry for help
But in that land of nothingness
Who is to hear,
but her deceiving mind?

- Inked Confessions: The Untold Psych Ward Letters”
― Fathima Valliyangal

“Beneath your pain, the foundation of you is love, has always been. Even when people are unworthy of it, you give love with your whole heart. Even if it tears you to pieces.”
― Mishell Baker, Impostor Syndrome

“Do what you're supposed to do, regardless of what you're feeling. Regardless of whether it feels right or wrong in the moment. Ignore your thoughts. Just Do the Thing.”
― Mishell Baker, Phantom Pains