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“Hold onto who loves and honor you.
Not everyone will know how to.
Some souls don't even know how to love and honor themselves, let alone you.”
― Lalah Delia

“People pleasing doesn't allow you to receive.”
― Abiola Abrams, The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love

“I am good enough, attractive enough, important enough just as I am. I do not have to fix, help, or caretake others to earn their love.”
― Shary Hauer

“I do not NEED a man. That was an impossible thought when I married John thirty years ago. It was unimaginable even seven years ago. I finally understand why lasting love has eluded me: the relationship I've been searching for all along was with myself.”
― Shary Hauer, Insatiable: A Memoir of Love Addiction

“At first, his charisma made it addictive to be around him; but over time I recognized it was also a façade. There was a wounded boy inside of him. He had grown up without a dad, so it made sense to me that he sought constant validation. I found it endearing, humanizing; until he started to indulge that little boy. There were tantrums, there was acting out, there was his need to control things that he no business controlling, but he was still that boy, and I loved him.



So I stayed thinking it would get better, and then one morning I woke up to one of life’s clarion calls. I deserved better than this. That night I said I was leaving.”
― Steven Rowley, Lily and the Octopus

“How could I castrate my mind--neuter it!--and build up a resistance to know what was mine from what was everyone else's, and finally be in the world in my own way? That endless capacity for empathy--which you have to really kill in order to act freely, to know your own desires!”
― Sheila Heti, How Should a Person Be?

“I expected it would be exciting;  I expected that the freedom from routine was somehow greater than the freedom to determine your own routine. I wanted to get up in the morning and not know exactly what I was going to do that day. But now that I don't, it's terrifying.”
― Sara Baume, Spill Simmer Falter Wither

“Contacting and living from our True Self is the central task of personal growth.”
― Charles Whitfield, Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self

“Co-dependent tennis is not a good game. When you serve the ball, someone should hit it back to you. If no one tries, the match should be over as far as you're concerned. Put your racket away, go home, find another game tomorrow. Stop returning your own serves, lobs, and volleys. Stop playing off your own energy, needs, and desires. Quit kidding yourself.”
― Lionel Fisher, Celebrating Time Alone: Stories Of Splendid Solitude

“Co-dependency essentially revolves around the sentence: “I am not enough.â€� A co-dependent person will always need another person to validate their worth, their feelings, their ideas and even their existence. This either shows itself as a need to manipulate and control surroundings; or as a need to bend over backwards to make other people feel good, the reason being that “I can’t feel good if you don’t feel good.”
― Gudjon Bergmann, Create a Safe Space: An Inspirational Guidebook for Yoga Teachers Who want to Further Serve their Students

“When we experience inner impoverishment, love for another too easily becomes hunger: for reassurance, for acclaim, for affirmation of our worth.”
― Sharon Salzberg, Real Love: The Art of Mindful Connection

“Love chained becomes bondage”
― RJ Blizzard

“The real tragedy is; they rely on each other for the very existence of their identity, which they confuse with their reality. They both need each other. The broken need the ‘perceived perfectâ€� to validate a hope and a future trust to substitute in their heart that one day, maybe one day, God will bless them. The beautifully blessed need the broken to validate that God has shown His favor on their worth. Both views rest on a cornerstone from the Father of Lies who keeps them blind, brokenhearted, and in bondage”
― RJ Blizzard

“It shamed her that she hadn't been able to escape sooner, that they'd stuck together in such a sickly, co-dependent, useless sort of life.”
― Zoje Stage, Baby Teeth

“John Bowlby understood that our need for someone to share our lives with is part of
our genetic makeup and has nothing to do with how much we love ourselves or how fulfilled we feel on our own. He discovered that once we choose someone special, powerful and often uncontrollable forces
come into play.

New patterns of behavior kick in regardless of how independent we are and despite our conscious wills.

Once we choose a partner, there is no question about whether dependency exists or not. It always does. An elegant coexistence that does not include uncomfortable feelings of vulnerability and fear of loss sounds good but is not our biology. What proved through evolution to have a strong survival advantage is a human couple becoming one physiological unit, which means that if she’s reacting, then I’m reacting, or if he’s upset, that also makes me unsettled. He or she is part of me, and I will do anything to save him or her; having such a vested interest in the well-being of another person translates into a very important survival advantage for both parties.”
― Amir Levine, Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love