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“Dude. If that was a Shakespearean quote duel, he just kicked your ass.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hexed

“You will respect my authori-tah!' Oberon said, in a passable imitation of Eric Cartman. I reminded him that I needed to concentrate. Sometimes dogs forget; they just get too excited.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hounded

“She thinks petting me is an honor. This is an unexpected position to take for a goddess of slaughter, but I applaud her defiance of convention.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hexed

“That’s what a skinwalker is: a mean asshole with a meaner spirit squatting inside.â€�
"I’ve run into some of those at the dog park," Oberon said. "They’re usually attached to Chihuahuas.”
― Kevin Hearne, Tricked

“Will you tell me about Genghis Khan’s whores while I’m in the bath?" "Hordes, not whores. He had both, though, now that you mention it." "Sounds like he was a busy guy." You have no idea.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hounded

“She's kind of like a Mary Poppins just before she turns to the dark side of the Force," Oberon said. He was still behind the counter, but he had a good lok at her as she exited. "Let go of your anger, Malina! There's still good in you! The Emperor hasn't driven it from you fully!”
― Kevin Hearne, Hounded

“I saw Oberon charge into the fray on a huge black warhorse, glamour swirling around him, and sweep a hand toward the thickest of the fighting. Vines and roots erupted from the ground, coiling around the Iron fey, strangling them or pulling them beneath the earth. Atop a rise, Mab raised her arms, and a savage whirlwind swept across the field, freezing fey solid or impaling them with ice shards. The armies of Summer and Winter howled with renewed vigor and threw themselves at the enemy.”
― Julie Kagawa, The Iron Queen

“That is a noble idea, though I think it far to generous," Jupiter said. "Once a decade should be sufficient."
"I would rather be too generous than not in such cases."
"As you wish."
[One day, Atticus was amazed to discover that when Jupiter said, "As you wish," what he really meant was "I love you."]”
― Kevin Hearne, Hunted

“Heh. I think you made your point, Atticus.
Gods Below, Oberon, that was horrendous! You just violated the Schwarzenegger Pun Reduction Treaty of 2010.
What? No, that didn't qualify!
Yes, it did. Any pun related to a weapon's destructive capabilities or final disposition of a victim's body is a Schwarzenegger pun, by definition. That's negative twenty sausages according to the sanctions outlined in Section Four, Paragraph Two.
My hound whined. No! Not twenty sausages! Twenty succulent sausages I'll never snarf? You can't do that - it's cruelty to animals!
You can't argue with this. Your pawprint is on the treaty, and you agreed that Schwarzenegger puns are heinous abominations of language that deserve food-related punishments for purposes of correction and deterrence.
Auggh! I still say it's your fault for renting Commando in the first place! You started it!”
― Kevin Hearne

“But be warned, Queen Mab, this is not yet over. One way or another, I will have my daughter back." Oberon”
― Julie Kagawa, The Iron Daughter

“We don’t need to play her witch’s games. They always want to get you and your little dog, too." "I knew I never should have let you watch The Wizard of Oz." "Toto didn’t deserve that kind of trauma. He was so tiny.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hounded

“Oh, I know. They’re dwarfs pretending to be elves.

No, they’re not dwarfs either.

Okay, okay, they’re “little people,â€� I’m sorry! Can’t believe I have to be politically correct when you’re the only one who can hear me.”
― Kevin Hearne, Clan Rathskeller

“Did Genghis Khan take his coffee black?" Oberon asked me. After my bathtime story, he wanted to be the Genghis Khan of dogs. He wanted a harem full of French poodles, all of whom were named either Fifi or Bambi. It was an amusing habit of his: Oberon had, in the past, wanted to be Vlad the Impaler, Joan of Arc, Bertrand Russell, and any other historical figure I had recently told him about while he was getting a thorough cleansing. His Liberace period had been particularly good for my soul: You haven’t lived until you’ve seen an Irish wolfhound parading around in rhinestone-studded gold lamé.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hounded

“Are you going to kick somebody’s ass?

I don’t know. Maybe.

Well, I’m not going to worry. I’ve watched you spar with that martial arts dummy in the backyard lots of times, and you always win.

Thanks, buddy. I’ll see you soon.”
― Kevin Hearne, Kaibab Unbound

“That’s what a skinwalker is: a mean asshole with a meaner spirit squatting inside.â€�

Oberon said. ”
― Kevin Hearne, Tricked

“But we are spirits of another sort:
I with the morning's love have oft made sport,
And, like a forester, the groves may tread,
Even till the eastern gate, all fiery-red,
Opening on Neptune with fair blessed beams,
Turns into yellow gold his salt green streams.”
― William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream

“You don't even know if she really likes you, Oberon said as we exited and I unlocked my bike.
She could be doing her customer service routine and stringing you along in hopes of a big tip the next time you come in. With dogs you just go up and smell their asses and you know where you stand, it's so much easier.
Why can't humans do that?”
― Kevin Hearne, Hounded

“I’m totally a ninja wolfhound. This car is ridiculous, though. He has a revolting citrus air freshener in here. Do you know when his birthday is? We should get him one that smells like steak or Italian sausage.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hounded

“I think life is like a ham bone if you live it right. You enjoy it and then you bury it when you’re finished. If you don’t enjoy it and let it go to waste you still have to bury it, so you might as well savor everything you can.”
― Kevin Hearne

“All right. I do not think she will attack, though. She is a nice inhuman." "You mean nonhuman. Inhuman is an adjective," I said, as I rose from the lawn and padded softly around the left side of the house to the backyard. "Hey, I’m not a native speaker. Give me a break.”
― kevin hearne, Hounded

“Revelry isn't just the debauched pursuit of mindless, excessive--and often cruel-- pleasures as King Oberon and Titania have turned it into. It is supposed to be a place of art. No matter how seemingly frivolous, art can give a laugh, a light, a spark of pleasure relieves sorrow and uplifts the soul. It can tell truths and reach hearts better than dry, pedantic tomes. That's the true purpose of the Court of Revels.”
― Tara Grayce, Stolen Midsummer Bride

“With dogs you just go up and smell their asses and you know where you stand. It’s so much easier. Why can’t humans do that?”
― Kevin Hearne, Hounded

“ You mean nonhuman. Inhuman is an adjective, I said, as I rose from the lawn and padded softly around the left side of the house to the backyard. ”
― Kevin Hearne, Hounded

“I don’t remember the whole thing, because it was very long, but Atticus recited it for me once, and there was a line that went like this: “Cry ham hock and let slip the hogs of war!â€� I know you might not agree, but for me that was the best thing Shakespeare ever wrote."

You mean, “Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war� from Julius Caesar?

"No, I don’t think that’s it. There was ham in there; I’m sure he was talking about ham. They were going to battle hunger."

I think you might have been hungry when you heard it, Oberon.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hunted

“I inhale and a zephyr enters my body. The earth tilts its axis, changing my view of the heavens. Two clouds appear in the shape of trumpets. They part and rays of sunlight burst in. The sunlight speaks, 'Seek a new experience.”
― Lawren Leo, Love's Shadow: Nine Crooked Paths

“I’ve never run this far before," he said at one point. "Or this fast for so long. It’s better than sticking your head out a car window, that’s for sure."

My theory is that Oberon might be a master of Tao. He always sees what we filter out. The wind and the grass and something in the sky, sun or moon, shining on our backs as we run: They are gifts that humans toss away like socks on Christmas morning, because we see them every day and don’t think of them as gifts anymore. But new socks are always better than old socks. And the wind and grass and sky, I think, are better seen with new eyes than jaded ones. I hope my eyes will never grow old.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hunted

“I dispelled my invisibility for a few seconds in his full view, a finger resting provocatively on my lower lip, giving him a come-hither look under a streetlight. His jaw and the bottle of Å»ubrówka dropped at the same time. It shattered, drawing his eyes to the sidewalk, and I took the opportunity afforded by his distraction to disappear again.

"That was mean," Oberon said, watching the man look wildly around for me and pawing at his eyes as if to clear them.

Why? I asked. I’ve done him no harm.

"Yes, you have. You will haunt him for the rest of his life. I know from experience."

You’re haunted by someone flashing you on a street corner?

"No. It was a dog park. Atticus and I were just arriving and she was leaving."

Oh, here we go.

"She was so fit and her coat was tightly curled and she had a perfect pouf on the end of her tail like a tennis ball. I saw her for maybe five seconds, until she hopped into a Honda and her human drove her away. And now I can’t see a Honda without seeing her."

But that’s a good thing, isn’t it? Kind of romantic? A vision of perfection you can treasure forever, unspoiled by reality.

"Well, I don’t know. In reality I’d like to try spoiling her, if she was in the mood."

Look, Oberon, that man is lonely. He’s too skinny and sweaty, and I’m willing to bet you five cows that he’s socially awkward or he wouldn’t be staggering drunk at this hour. But now, for the rest of his life, he will remember the na**d woman on the street who looked at him with desire. When people treat him like something untouchable, he will have that memory to comfort him.

"Or obsess over. What if he starts wandering the streets every night looking for you?"

Then he’s misunderstood the nature of beauty. It doesn’t stay, except in our minds.

"Oh! I think I see. That’s true, Clever Girl! Sausage never stays, because I eat it, but it’s always beautiful in my mind.”
― Kevin Hearne, Hunted

“Oberon: Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania.
Titania: What, jealous Oberon! - Fairies, skip hence:
I have forsworn his bed and his company.”
― William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream

“[I don't get it. You guys look down on chimps for flinging their own poo but you think it's fine to fling other kinds of poo around? I mean, you get opposable thumbs and this is what you do with them?]”
― Kevin Hearne, Carniepunk: The Demon Barker of Wheat Street

“My children, I cannot say that I am entirely pleased with you, but I suppose this works both ways. Let it be. I leave you with my blessing, which is more than a formality.”
― Roger Zelazny, The Courts of Chaos