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“Recent studies have shown that approximately 40% of authors are manic depressive. The rest of us just drink.”
― Melodie Campbell, Rowena Through the Wall

“I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster."
-GLaDOS, Portal 2 trailer”
― Valve

“Science isn't about WHY, it's about WHY NOT!”
― J.K. Simmons

“This is your fault. I'm going to kill you. And all the cake is gone.
You don't even care, do you?”
― J.K. Simmons

“I'd ask you to think outside the box on this, but it's obvious your box is broken. And has schizophrenia.”
― Ted Kosmatka, Portal 2: Lab Rat

“I been thinken'. when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade!! get mad! I dont want your damn lemons! demand to see life's manager! Do you know who I am?!? I'm the man who's gonna' burn your house down! with the lemons!”
― Cave Johnson Portal 2

“The enrichment center would like to announce a new employee initiative of forced voluntary participation.

If any Aperture Science employee would like to opt out of this new voluntary testing program, please remember; science rhymes with compliance.

Do you know what doesn't rhyme with compliance?

Neurotoxin.

Due to high mortality rates, you may be reluctant to participate in the new initiative.

The enrichtment center assures you this is a strictly selfish impulse on your part, and why can't you love science like [insert co-worker's name here]?”
― Ted Kosmatka, Portal 2: Lab Rat

“Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person...I'm serious, that's what it says: "A horrible person." We weren't even testing for that. Don't let that horrible-person thing discourage you. It's just a data point...If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.”
― GLaDOS

“The enrichment center would like to announce a new employee initiative of forced voluntary participation.

If any Aperture Science employee would like to opt out of this new voluntary testing program, please remember; science rhymes with compliance.

Do you know what doesn't rhyme with compliance?

Neurotoxin.”
― Ted Kosmatka, Portal 2: Lab Rat

“Speaking of boxes...

Do you know that thought experiment with the cat in the box with the poison? Theory requires the cat to be both alive and dead until observed.

Well, I actually performed the experiment. Dozens of times. The bad news is reality doesn't exist. The good news is we have a new cat graveyard.”
― Ted Kosmatka, Portal 2: Lab Rat

“They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. —Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch, no hand-holding.”
― JK Simmons

“Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor. Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.”
― Cave Johnson - Portal 2

“The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now. Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place. Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.”
― Cave Johnson - Portal 2