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“Sometimes it helps to scold yourself, to give yourself advice.”
― R.L. Stine, The Haunted Mask II

“You guys are just jealous because i'm a natural athlete and you can't cross the street without falling on your face." -(Bird) Doug”
― R.L. Stine, Say Cheese and Die!

“So Miss Curdy said I had to be punished.
She gave me a choice of punishments. One: I could come into the gym after school every day and inflate all the basketballs � by mouth � until my head exploded.
Or two: I could coach the first-grade soccer team.
I chose number two.
The wrong choice.”
― R.L. Stine, The Haunted Mask II

“Here I was, locked inside this creepy old library with a monster, and I was worried about getting scolded for being late for dinner!”
― R.L. Stine, The Girl Who Cried Monster

“Stupid Ginny and her karate kicks. Why did Mom have to take her to that martial-arts school anyway? My life has been miserable ever since. She’s only ten, but she fights way better than I do. I’ve got the bruises to show it.”
― R.L. Stine, Bad Hare Day

“My dream is that Cole gets punished for mouthing off the way he usually does. And his punishment is that he has to feed the chickens for the rest of his life.
Everyone has to have a dream â€� right?”
― R.L. Stine, Chicken Chicken

“Vanessa,â€� he murmured.
I stared at him. I knew instantly what he meant.
I had been thinking the same thing all along.
Remembering the horrible moment we spilled Vanessa’s groceries.
“Yes,� I agreed. “I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to believe it. But Vanessa did this to us. Vanessa is BLUUUUCK BLUCCCK turning us into chickens.�
“Chicken chicken,â€� he clucked.”
― R.L. Stine, Chicken Chicken

“So, when Cole was two and I was four, we moved to Goshen Falls. Lucky us! The whole town is three blocks long. We have a cute little farm with a cute little farmhouse. And even though Mom and Dad are computer programmers â€� not farmers â€� we have a backyard full of chickens.”
― R.L. Stine, Chicken Chicken

“But I could hear Mitzi nearby. She was still upstairs. If she saw me reading the comic book, she’d run downstairs and tell Dad for sure. Mitzi’s hobby is being a snitch.”
― R.L. Stine, Attack of the Mutant

“One thing about me is that I have a really good sense of direction. Mom and Dad always say they don’t need a map when I’m around. I almost always know when I’m heading the wrong way.”
― R.L. Stine, The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb

“Behind me, Mom busily cleaned out the refrigerator, making room for the groceries Dad was out buying. I was dying to tell her about the scary mask. I wanted to show it to her. Maybe put it on and make her scream.
But I knew she’d ask too many questions about where I bought it, and how much it cost, and how much of my allowance I used up to pay for it.
All questions I couldn’t answer.”
― R.L. Stine, The Haunted Mask II

“Lawn Lovely is a store two blocks from our house. It’s the place where Dad buys his lawn ornaments. A lot of lawn ornaments.
Dad is as nuts about lawn ornaments as he is about gardening. We have so many lawn ornaments in our front yard, it’s impossible to mow the lawn!
What a crowd scene! We have two pink plastic flamingos. A cement angel with huge white wings. A chrome ball on a silver platform. A whole family of plaster skunks. A fountain with two kissing swans. A seal that balances a beach ball on its nose. And a chipped plaster deer.”
― R.L. Stine, Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes

“Two hours after the melon disaster, I sprawled on the floor of my room. Grounded. With nothing to do.”
― R.L. Stine, Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes

“I had a camera. My parents had given me a really good camera last Christmas.”
― R.L. Stine, The Girl Who Cried Monster

“I told Ginny I’d turn her into a rabbit, I explained, still dazed. To get back at her for ruining all my magic shows. And now she is a rabbit!”
― r-l-stine

“I told Ginny I’d turn her into a rabbit,â€� I explained, still dazed. “To get back at her for ruining all my magic shows. And now she is a rabbit!”
― r-l-stine

“I was stunned. “I wished it,â€� I murmured. “And now it’s come true.â€�
“What are you talking about?� Foz demanded. He grabbed me by the shoulders. “Get it together, Tim. We’ve got to do something! What’s going to happen when your parents get home?�
“I told Ginny I’d turn her into a rabbit,â€� I explained, still dazed. “To get back at her for ruining all my magic shows. And now she is a rabbit!”
― R.L. Stine, Bad Hare Day

“Politeness is so important,â€� Vanessa said, holding us up to her face. “Especially for young people. That’s what I care about more than anything else in the world. Good manners.â€�
She narrowed her eyes at us. “That day in front of the grocery,� she scolded, “you didn’t apologize for crashing into me. So I had no choice. I had to punish you.� She studied us, tsk-tisking.
So that’s why Anthony wasn’t turned into a chicken, too! I realized. Before he ran away, Anthony had called out to Vanessa that he was sorry.
If only Cole and I had apologized then! We wouldn’t be peeping little chicks today.”
― R.L. Stine, Chicken Chicken

“That was my costume for the past five years.
A hobo. Actually, it wasn’t much of a costume. I wore one of Dad’s baggy old suits with patches on the pants. Mom rubbed charcoal on my face to make me look dirty. And I carried a knapsack on a fishing pole over my shoulder.
Bor-ring!”
― R.L. Stine, The Haunted Mask II

“Todd had dinner at Danny’s that night. Danny’s mother served fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Then she and Danny’s father argued all through dinner about where to go on their vacation, and whether or not they should save the money and buy a couch instead.
Danny seemed really embarrassed about his parents� loud arguing.
But Todd didn’t mind it at all. He was so happy to relax and eat and not worry about finding any long, purple worms on his plate or in his glass.”
― R.L. Stine, Go Eat Worms!

“Mr. McCall cradled his four casaba melons in his hands. They were still attached to the vine.
“I came out to water my casabas and I found this... this...� He was too upset to finish. He held the melons out to us.
“Whoa!� I cried in amazement.
No raccoon could have done this.
No way.
Someone had taken a black marker and drawn big, sloppy smiley faces on each melon!”
― R.L. Stine, Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes

“Brandy stood up and tossed the bits of eggshell to the ground. She flashed Mom her best dimpled smile. “Next year for my birthday, can we have a Make Your Own Ice-Cream Sundae party?”
― R.L. Stine, Egg Monsters from Mars

“Of course, neat and tidy Mindy can’t stand the lawn ornaments. Neither can Mom. Every time Dad brings a new one home, Mom threatens to toss it into the garbage.”
― R.L. Stine, Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes

“When he took out his math notebook an hour later, he found a mass of long purple worms crawling around near the binding and between the pages.
The kids sitting near him saw them and started pointing and screaming.
“Todd,� Mr. Hargrove, the math teacher, said sternly, “I think we saw enough of your worms at the Science Expo. I know you’re attached to them. But do you have to bring them to math class?�
Everyone laughed. Todd could feel his face growing hot.
“Todd’s saving them for lunch!� Danny exclaimed from two rows behind him.�
Everyone laughed even louder.
Thanks a bunch, Danny, Todd thought angrily. He scooped the worms up, carried them to the window, and lowered them to the ground.”
― R.L. Stine, Go Eat Worms!

“The weekend passed slowly. Todd and Danny went to a movie on Saturday. It was a comedy about space aliens trying to run a car wash. The aliens kept getting confused and washing themselves instead of the cars. In the end, they blew up the whole planet.
Danny thought it was very funny. Todd thought it was dumb, but funny.
On Sunday, Regina came home from Beth’s. The whole family drove upstate to visit some cousins.”
― R.L. Stine, Go Eat Worms!

“Then Dad had to yell at Pat because of his Game Boy. “I told you not to bring that thing!â€� Dad shouted. Dad is big and broad, kind of like a bear. And he has a booming voice.
It doesn’t do him much good. Pat and Nat never listen to him.
Pat walked along, eyes on his Game Boy, his fingers hammering the controls.
“Why are we hiking in the woods?� Dad asked him. “You could be home in your room doing that. Put it away, Pat, and check out the scenery.�
“I can’t, Dad,â€� Pat protested. “I can’t quit now. I’m on Level Six! I’ve never made it to Level Six before!”
― R.L. Stine, The Beast from the East

“I peered inside. My room was filled with cartons. Big boxes from floor to ceiling.
Wow!
“Are all those presents for me?� I asked.
Mom laughed. “Presents? All those boxes? Of course not!� She cracked up.
I knew it had to be too good to be true.
“Well—what’s the surprise, then?� I asked.
“Matt,â€� she began, “I’ve been thinking about what you said the other day. And I decided you were right. Your room is too small for you. So I’ve turned it into a storage closet.”
― R.L. Stine, Don't Go to Sleep!

“It was a no-worms weekend,â€� Todd told Danny over the phone after dinner on Sunday evening.
“Way to go!� Danny replied enthusiastically.
“Not a single worm,â€� Todd told him, twisting the phone cord around his wrist.”
― R.L. Stine, Go Eat Worms!

“Nearly a whole year has gone by, and we haven’t tried to scare Carly Beth once. I don’t think Carly Beth can be scared. Not anymore.
After last Halloween, I don’t think anything scares her.
She is totally fearless. I haven’t heard her shriek or scream once the entire year.”
― R.L. Stine, The Haunted Mask II

“So are you going ahead with your plan?â€� Danny demanded.
“Yeah. Sure,� Todd said. “I have to. They just took the weekend off. For sure. Tomorrow is school. That means more worms in my backpack, in my books, in my lunch.�
“Yuck,â€� Danny murmured on the other end of the line.”
― R.L. Stine