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“Holmes and Watson are on a camping trip. In the middle of the night Holmes wakes up and gives Dr. Watson a nudge. "Watson" he says, "look up in the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions of stars, Holmes," says Watson.

"And what do you conclude from that, Watson?"

Watson thinks for a moment. "Well," he says, "astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meterologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful, and we are small and insignficant. Uh, what does it tell you, Holmes?"

"Watson, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!”
― Thomas Cathcart, Daniel Klein

“No: I am not tired. I have a curious constitution. I never remember feeling tired by work, though idleness exhausts me completely." ~ Sherlock Holmes”
― Arthur Conan Doyle, The Sign of Four

“Come, Watson, come!" he cried. The game is afoot.”
― Arthur Conan Doyle, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

“Un sot trouve toujours un plus sot qui l'admire.

A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him.”
― Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, A Study in Scarlet

“It is not my intention to be fulsome, but I confess that I covet your skull.”
― Arthur Conan Doyle, The Hound of the Baskervilles

“The man might have died in a fit; but then the jewels are missing," mused the Inspector, "Ha! I have a theory. These flashes come upon me at times... What do you think of this, Holmes? Sholto was, on his own confession, with his brother last night. The brother died in a fit, on which Sholto walked off the treasure! How's that?"
"On which the dead man very considerately got up and locked the door on the inside," said Holmes.”
― Arthur Conan Doyle, The Sign of Four

“Here dwell together still two men of note
Who never lived and so can never die:
How very near they seem, yet how remote
That age before the world went all awry.
But still the game’s afoot for those with ears
Attuned to catch the distant view-halloo:
England is England yet, for all our fears�
Only those things the heart believes are true.

A yellow fog swirls past the window-pane
As night descends upon this fabled street:
A lonely hansom splashes through the rain,
The ghostly gas lamps fail at twenty feet.
Here, though the world explode, these two survive,
And it is always eighteen ninety-five.”
― Vincent Starrett

“I was tired of pretending to be human. I needed a break.”
― Martha Wells, Rogue Protocol

“Only that I insist upon your dining with us. It will be ready in half an hour. I have oysters and a brace of grouse, with something a little choice in white wines. Watson, you have never yet recognized my merits as a housekeeper. ~ Sherlock Holmes”
― Arthur Conan Doyle, The Sign of Four

“I'm living in a world of goldfish.”
― Mycroft Holmes

“In the darkest corner of a darkened room, all Sherlock Homes stories begin. In the pregnant dim of gaslight and smoke, Holmes would sit, digesting the day's papers, puffing on his long pipe, injecting himself with cocaine. He would pop smoke rings into the gloom, waiting for something, anything, to pierce into the belly of his study and release the promise of adventure; of clues to interpret; of, at last he would plead, a puzzle he could not solve. And after each story he would return here, into the dark room, and die day by day of boredom. The darkness of his study was his cage, but also the womb of his genius.”
― Graham Moore, The Sherlockian

“She wondered how Dr. Watson - a clever man in his own right - had lasted so many years without bashing his roommate over the head out of sheer frustration.”
― Emma Jane Holloway, A Study in Darkness

“Interviewer: You said I'm the first psychoanalyst you've met who had a sense of humor. Meaning you've met others who didn't?

Ezra: Proper little Sherlock over here, huh.”
― Amie Kaufman, Illuminae

“Not that Dr Watson wasn't benign - he was one of the best souls in the Empire - but a man didn't get to be her uncle's right-hand man without a good uppercut and the stamina of a draft horse.”
― Emma Jane Holloway, A Study in Silks

“You look at me as if I were a conjuror,' Holmes remarked, with a laugh.”
― Anthony Horowitz, The House of Silk

“I could never, I knew then, lose myself "in love." Margery had accused me of coldness, and she was right, but she was also wrong: For me, for always, the paramount organ of passion was the mind. Unnatural, unbalanced, perhaps, but it was true: Without intellect, there could be no love.”
― Laurie R. King, A Monstrous Regiment of Women

“All lives end. All hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage." -”
― Mycroft Holmes

“Das Leben ist unendlich seltsamer als alles, was der menschliche Geist erfinden könnte.”
― Arthur Conan Doyle

“Murder was so trivial in the stories Harold loved. Dead bodies were plot points, puzzles to be reasoned out. They weren't brothers. Plot points didn't leave behind grieving sisters who couldn't find their shoes.”
― Graham Moore, The Sherlockian

“Taking your own life. Interesting expression. Taking it from who? Once it's over, it's not you who'll miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everybody else. Your life is not your own. Keep your hands off it.”
― Sherlock

“Bravo Sherlock. That's two lollipops I owe you.”
― Amie Kaufman

“A book collector is mad enough to begin with, Watson; but tempt him with some such bait as this Shakespeare quarto and he is bereft of all sanity.”
― Vincent Starrett, The Unique Hamlet: A Hitherto Unchronicled Adventure of Mr. Sherlock Holmes

“If canines can be conditioned to salivate over nonexistent food, may not men one day be likewise taught to salivate at the prospect of nonexistent facts?”
― Nicholas Meyer, The Adventure of the Peculiar Protocols: Adapted from the Journals of John H. Watson, M.D.

“The figure in the cloak had turned, waving a fist in the air in a gesture of pure spite. ‘Damn you!â€� My whispered curse came as I drew my revolver, pausing only to take aim. Two shots rang out, shattering the very air between us. I could not be sure if the heavy bullets had found their mark; the fiend whirling around behind a chimney-stack a moment after I fired. A groan from the blackness below-it was Holmes!. - John Watson, Sherlock Holmes and the Whitechapel Murders”
― Mark Sohn, Sherlock Holmes and The Whitechapel Murders: An account of the matter by John Watson M.D.

“Simply put: the easiest and most likely explanation, however mundane, is probably correct.”
― Jasper Fforde, Early Riser

“I'm not a psychopath, Anderson—I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.”
― Steven Moffat Mark Gatiss, Sherlock A Study in Pink #1 (of 6) CVR D

“I always hear, 'Punch me in the face!' when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.”
― Steven Moffat Mark Gatiss

“You ought to remember, Sherlock, I was a soldier. I killed people!'
'You were a Doctor.'
'I HAD BAD DAYS!!”
― Steven Moffat Mark Gatiss

“Anderson, don't talk out loud—you'll lower the IQ of the whole street.”
― Steven Moffat Mark Gatiss

“I will find you, and I will skinnnnnnnn youuu.
(...)
If you have what you say you have, I'll make you rich. If you don't, I'll make you into shoes.”
― Steven Moffat Mark Gatiss