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“I didn't lie, I was writing fiction with my mouth."

Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on."

Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!"

Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“D'OH!”
― Matt Groening

“Did you hear something?"

"No."

"Did I hear something?"

"...I don't know...”
― Matt Groening

“Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No."
--Leonard Nimoy”
― Matt Groening

“Lisa, I apologize to you, I was wrong, I take it all back. Always be yourself. If you want to be sad, honey, be sad. We’ll ride it out with you. And when you get finished feeling sad, we’ll still be there. From now on, let me do the smiling for both of us.”
― Matt Groening

“Ned, have you considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same."
--Reverend Lovejoy”
― Matt Groening

“When will people learn? Democracy doesn't work!"

(Homer Simpson)”
― Matt Groening

“Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons."
--Mr. Burns”
― Matt Groening

“You're like Christopher Columbus. You discovered something millions of people did before you.”
― Lisa Simpson

“There’s three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!

“Isn’t that the wrong way?�

“Yeah, but faster.”
― Max Power

“Lisa: I pick up books like you pick up beers!
Homer: Then you have a serious reading problem.”
― The Simpsons

“Playing the maze game on Microsoft Encarta, downloading Simpsons episodes on IRC, geocities and angelfire websites so shitty it was beyond hilarious, violent stick figure animations made with Macromedia Flash on StickDeath, StickSuicide and SFDT, no moderation on forums, what was a place for elitists and sophisticated outcasts primarily from western countries became streamlined starting with kids getting cellphones around 2000 and texting each other on a keypad that wasn't made for it. By 2003 or 4 hardly any kids went outside during summer.”
― stained hanes, 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat

“meantime, here is a list of degrees for five of the nerdiest writers: J. STEWART BURNS BS Mathematics, Harvard University MS Mathematics, UC Berkeley DAVID S. COHEN BS Physics, Harvard University MS Computer Science, UC Berkeley AL JEAN BS Mathematics, Harvard University KEN KEELER BS Applied Mathematics, Harvard University PhD Applied Mathematics, Harvard University JEFF WESTBROOK BS Physics, Harvard University PhD Computer Science, Princeton University”
― Simon Singh

“This special was followed one month later by “Bart the Genius.â€� This was the first genuine episode of The Simpsons , inasmuch as it premiered the famous trademark opening sequence and included the debut of Bart’s notorious catchphrase “Eat my shorts.â€� Most noteworthy of all, “Bart the Geniusâ€� contains a serious dose of mathematics. In many ways, this episode set the tone for what was to follow over the next two decades, namely a relentless series of numerical references and nods to geometry that would earn The Simpsons a special place in the hearts of mathematicians.”
― Simon Singh, The Simpsons and Their Mathematical Secrets

“Heehee. Look at this country. 'You are gay.”
― Homer Simpson

“When will you people learn? In America we stopped using corporal punishment and things have never been better. The streets are safe, old people strut confidently through the darkest alleys and the weak and nerdy are admired for their computer programming abilities. So, like us, let your children run wild and free, for as the old saying goes, 'Let your children run wild and free.”
― Homer Simpson

“There is an almost invisible world out there which most people have been unable to see. And that is how the world is run, because nearly all our leaders, our judges, our top police officers, and our celebrities are members of the Jesuit Freemasons, or another of a dozen or so secret societies which control the world. They have sworn allegiance to these groups, and are to a certain degree owned by them, and only answer to them, not the sovereign citizens. In fact, their one and only agenda is to bring in the New World Order, an enslaved population under a one world government and army. This plan was forged ten years or so after the first of May 1776 when the Illuminati were formed in Bavaria, Germany. Now you know the real reason why Communist countries celebrate the first of May. One thing the cult do is to show you in plain sight their plans. In this regard you will struggle to find a historical English author who was not in some way connected to the Freemasons. This includes the so called “predictorsâ€� such as George Orwell and Aldous Huxley. Just like the Simpsons today, they were not predicting but showing. H G Wells himself published the book The New World Order in 1940. He was also a member of the Fabian Society (as is Tony Blair). Wells also made a film in 1936 called Things to Come, in which the main character describes the New World Order as “The brotherhood of efficiency. The freemasonry of science.â€� And of the course the motto of the Freemasons is ordo ab chao, which means order out of chaos. Anyone wishing to research this matter further should start with the brilliant 1967 speech and warning of Myron Fagan.”
― Jack Freestone

“Hi, I'm Troy McClure, You might remember me from such films as Lead Paint, Delicious But Deadly and Here Comes The Metric System”
― Matt Groening