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“Yeah, all right, but everyone knows they torture people," mumbled Sam.
"Do they?" said Vimes. "Then why doesn't anyone do anything about it?"
"'cos they torture people.”
― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

“Vimes had got around to a Clean Desk policy. It was a Clean Floor strategy
that eluded him at the moment.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thud!

“The important thing is not to shout at this point, Vimes told himself. Do not鈥hat do they call it鈥o postal? Treat this as a learning exercise. Find out why the world is not as you thought it was. Assemble the facts, digest the information, consider the implications. THEN go postal. But with precision.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thud!

“It wasn't by eliminating the impossible that you got at the truth, however improbable; it was by the much harder process of eliminating the possibilities. You worked away, patiently asking questions and looking hard at things. You walked and talked, and in your heart you just hoped like hell that some bugger's nerve'd crack and he'd give himself up.”
― Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay

“Sometimes it鈥檚 like watching a wasp land on a stinging nettle: someone鈥檚 going to get stung and you don鈥檛 care.”
― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

“Men marched away, Vimes. And men marched back. How glorious the battles would have been that they never had to fight!”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“People are content to wait a long time for salvation, but expect dinner to turn up within the hour.”
― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

“Where do you think they've gone?' he said.
'Where what?' said Lady Ramkin, temporarily halted.
'The dragons. You know. Errol and his wi - female.'
'Oh, somewhere isolated and rocky, I should imagine,' said Lady Ramkin. 'Favourite country for dragons.'
'But it - she's a magical animal,' said Vimes. 'What'll happen when the magic goes away?'
Lady Ramkin gave him a shy smile.
'Most people seem to manage,' she said.
She reached across the table and touched his hand.”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“That just goes to show that you never know, although what it is we never know I suspect we'll never know.”
― Terry Pratchett, Snuff

“He asked you to shoot at people who weren鈥檛 shooting back,鈥� growled Vimes, striding forward, 鈥淭hat makes him insane, wouldn鈥檛 you say?鈥�
鈥淭hey are throwing stones, Sarge,鈥� said Colon.
鈥淪o? Stay out of range. They鈥檒l get tired before we do.”
― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

“The world does not deal well with those who don鈥檛 pick a side.鈥�
鈥淚 like the middle,鈥� said Vimes.
鈥淭hat gives you two enemies. I鈥檓 amazed that you can afford so many, on a sergeant鈥檚 pay.”
― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

“鈥ut young Sam was watching him, across thirty years. When we break down, it all breaks down. That鈥檚 just how it works. You can bend it, and if you make it hot enough you can bend it in a circle, but you can鈥檛 break it. When you break it, it all breaks down until there鈥檚 nothing unbroken. It starts here and now.”
― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

“Gods, it felt good. Hot water was civilization. Vimes could feel the stiffness in his muscles melting away in the warmth.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

“Heroes get kingdoms and princesses, and they take regular exercise, and when they smile the light glints off their teeth, ting ”
― Terry Pratchett

“Be generous, Sir Samuel. TRULY treat all men equally. Allow Klatchians the right to be scheming bastards, hmm?”
― Terry Pratchett

“You mean we鈥檒l be in a famine situation?鈥� said Reg, the light of hope in his eyes.
鈥淚f we aren鈥檛, Reg, I鈥檓 sure you could organize one,鈥� said Vimes.”
― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

“I bet he鈥檚 only just been made a captain, thought Vimes. Just think of the lives I could save by accidentally cutting his head off now. Look at those blue eyes. Look at that stupid curly mustache. And he鈥檚 only going to get worse.”
― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

“Vimes looked at the imp - which gave him a willing grin.
'Can you go through all of my in-tray..'
'...floor...' - murmured Sybil
'...and tell me what's important?'
'Happy to, Insert Name Here! Only one question, Insert Name Here. What is important?'
'Well, the fact that dunnikindivers cart took a whole lot of muck out of the city is pretty damn important, don't you think?'
'I wouldn't know, Insert Name Here' said the imp. 'I do not, in fact, think, as such. But I surmise that, if I had drawn your attention to such a fact a month ago, you would have told me to stick my head up a duck's bottom'
'That's true' said Vimes, nodding. 'I probably would.”
― Terry Pratchett, Thud!