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Reading this book was like watching Sinbad or Atlantis or any other one of those rubbish Disney movies that wanted to be like their original Princess classics but also new and fresh and imaginative.

It's lame. It wants to be classic and awesome but also new and different (and I use the word "different" with all the superiorly quasi-amusement of someone trying to praise a child and has nothing more positive to say. "Yes, Jenny, I see that you've put glue in your hair. That's so...different...")

The problem is that it utterly fails at new and different. Supernatural creature + human = Twue loff!

Except when the supernatural creature is the chick and she still manages to be lamer than Bella Swan, I call dibs on throwing popcorn (or bomb-infused popcorn depending on my mood.)

To be honest, I could go on about the many mistakes I saw within the first few chapters before I tossed the book out and decided I HAVE A LIFE, DAMNIT! (Wait, so Gabriel, who is not THE archangel Gabriel is a few centuries old - yet later you tell us he was there for the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah? Dude, that's not a few centuries old, that's several thousand years old.

I could talk about the writing or the I'M A CHARACTER!! style of characterization. But really, what's the point? It was written by a teenager who's only just barely drinking her first shots of passion-pop. That's like taking potshots at a toddler because he doesn't draw inside the lines. She'll hopefully grow and learn and get better.

Besides, I'm not even the target audience. This book is CLEARLY geared toward the kind of teenage girls who WANT to be helpless and taken care of and protected and cherished. Well, I'm not a girl, I'm a woman and I'm not interested in reading about pretty little princesses who would trip over their own billowing hemline if the charming hero wasn't around to rescue them (dashingly, may I add.)

So I'm not going to tear into it and lose my temper and imagine that with each punchy sentence and angry jab, I'm stabbing the author in the face. No. I'm going to do what I do when any other child proudly shows me their work with a big corny grin. I won't lie but I won't be mean either. The cover art is lovely, Adornetto, and I really like how you managed to get all the print onto the page!

So there you are. No supermean review. Seriously. She's a teenage girl. Sure the book pretty much sucks beyond all reckoning but I like to think I'm adult enough to give her a pat on the head, tell her to go play with the other kids while I talk to the adults.

But that doesn't mean I want to spend money on this shit...