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mark monday's Reviews > A Storm of Swords
A Storm of Swords (A Song of Ice and Fire, #3)
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by
it's time again for... A Game of Heroes and Zeroes!
spoilers ahead
__________
HEROES
he's the Revenant Robin Hood, leader of a band of merry men whose purpose is to steal from the wicked, give to the needy, ransom the royalty, hang the bad guys, and maybe get laid some. Lord Beric comes equipped with a nifty super-power (courtesy of the Lord of Light, 'natch)... he gets to come back from the dead! unfortunately, his various hideous wounds get to come back with him. but so what... all those scars (and missing eye, and noose-blackened neck, and crushed-in head) only make him more manly. he's just the dreamiest!
so what if she's socially awkward, mulishly stubborn, and entirely unimaginative... this young miss may be the last remaining True Knight in the realm! she kicks some serious ass, is loyal to a fault, and she brings out the human in that Jaime Lannister. at one point she stops to take a break by burying some random dead people hanging from a tree. what a big heart she has, it's adorable. you go, girl!
ha, ha - you thought he was the villain! joke's on you, sucker/reader. this gifted songster is not only the leader of the Free Folk (and what's not to like about them? they believe in freedom, equality, and the pursuit of happiness - even their tendency to steal women is sorta charming)... he is a man who turned his back on the rigid class system and general stuck-upedness of Westeros society for the charms of anarchic wildlings. he's just trying to get all his people away from those infernal Others. goodbye, mysterious villain... hello, brave hero!
sure, her eyes glow red. sure, she's a little bloodthirsty. sure, she wants to sacrifice some children. what of it? we all have our flaws. don't judge this sorceress... her only goal is to, um, SAVE THE ENTIRE WORLD FROM UTTER DESTRUCTION. have some sympathy for her goals already. it's not like you could do a better job at trying to SAVE THE ENTIRE WORLD FROM UTTER DESTRUCTION. i want her on my team!
***
~ and a special shout-out to classy old-timer Lady Olenna, Queen of Thorns. well finally someone realizes that King Joffrey's shenanigans are truly intolerable. extra bonus points for naming your personal bodyguards "Left" and "Right". ~
__________
ZEROES
hey, King Asshole, ever hear of keeping your word? seriously, Promiseslayer, what's wrong with you? you may win your battles, but you break your vow over a little punani? and what's up with chopping off the head of your own bannerman? not too bright, son. and all the good intentions in the world doesn't excuse your tendency towards Usurping the Rightful King. duh. my gosh, as far as common sense goes... the apple sure doesn't fall far from the tree.
good grief, two winners in one family - those lucky Starks! hmmm, let's see... you capture the wrong guy in book 1... you free an enemy in book 2... you seriously underestimate the most obvious "secret" villain in the world in book 3. what the hey? clearly you should have retired years ago. but i sense some redemption in your future. i know you have some bloodthirstiness in you, so let that freak flag fly in book 4 and get down to some serious villain-killing already!
wow, i used to love you so much. until i realized you were getting sorta inappropriate with Danerys. yeah, she's brave and beautiful and a queen and she frees entire cities worth of slaves and she has three lovely dragons. but didn't you notice that she's about a third your age? and on top of that, you're a jealous liar. get outta here, Creepy McCreeperson!
come on, wolfie - Arya is supposed to be your soulmate! she's running all over Westeros just trying to get back to the fam, clearly needing a helping hand or paw... so why are you off galivanting about the countryside, chasing deer and hanging out with your new wolfpack buddies? well you did save her ass by taking down some of those Brave Companions - but that's a case of too little, too late. and here i thought that wolves are a girl's best friend. silly me. i guess your stomach is so much more important.
***
~ a special Zero mention must be made for Tyrion the Imp. where did that brain of yours go? why are you getting your ass handed to you again and again? well at least you unstuck your head from that ass and finally delivered some seriously overdue comeuppance... but i had to read 900 pages to get to that part. i want my old Tyrion back, stat! ~
__________
no review necessary, there are enough excellent ones out there. i loved this book, as i loved its predecessors. my favorite parts were the scenes with Sandor Clegane and Arya Stark. those two vicious killers were made for each other and their relationship was both laugh-out-loud funny and strangely moving. awww. at long last, a father figure that a child can truly look up to, and a daughter surrogate who knows what it means to really, really want to get some payback.
and now on to the next one!
spoilers ahead
__________
HEROES
he's the Revenant Robin Hood, leader of a band of merry men whose purpose is to steal from the wicked, give to the needy, ransom the royalty, hang the bad guys, and maybe get laid some. Lord Beric comes equipped with a nifty super-power (courtesy of the Lord of Light, 'natch)... he gets to come back from the dead! unfortunately, his various hideous wounds get to come back with him. but so what... all those scars (and missing eye, and noose-blackened neck, and crushed-in head) only make him more manly. he's just the dreamiest!
so what if she's socially awkward, mulishly stubborn, and entirely unimaginative... this young miss may be the last remaining True Knight in the realm! she kicks some serious ass, is loyal to a fault, and she brings out the human in that Jaime Lannister. at one point she stops to take a break by burying some random dead people hanging from a tree. what a big heart she has, it's adorable. you go, girl!
ha, ha - you thought he was the villain! joke's on you, sucker/reader. this gifted songster is not only the leader of the Free Folk (and what's not to like about them? they believe in freedom, equality, and the pursuit of happiness - even their tendency to steal women is sorta charming)... he is a man who turned his back on the rigid class system and general stuck-upedness of Westeros society for the charms of anarchic wildlings. he's just trying to get all his people away from those infernal Others. goodbye, mysterious villain... hello, brave hero!
sure, her eyes glow red. sure, she's a little bloodthirsty. sure, she wants to sacrifice some children. what of it? we all have our flaws. don't judge this sorceress... her only goal is to, um, SAVE THE ENTIRE WORLD FROM UTTER DESTRUCTION. have some sympathy for her goals already. it's not like you could do a better job at trying to SAVE THE ENTIRE WORLD FROM UTTER DESTRUCTION. i want her on my team!
***
~ and a special shout-out to classy old-timer Lady Olenna, Queen of Thorns. well finally someone realizes that King Joffrey's shenanigans are truly intolerable. extra bonus points for naming your personal bodyguards "Left" and "Right". ~
__________
ZEROES
hey, King Asshole, ever hear of keeping your word? seriously, Promiseslayer, what's wrong with you? you may win your battles, but you break your vow over a little punani? and what's up with chopping off the head of your own bannerman? not too bright, son. and all the good intentions in the world doesn't excuse your tendency towards Usurping the Rightful King. duh. my gosh, as far as common sense goes... the apple sure doesn't fall far from the tree.
good grief, two winners in one family - those lucky Starks! hmmm, let's see... you capture the wrong guy in book 1... you free an enemy in book 2... you seriously underestimate the most obvious "secret" villain in the world in book 3. what the hey? clearly you should have retired years ago. but i sense some redemption in your future. i know you have some bloodthirstiness in you, so let that freak flag fly in book 4 and get down to some serious villain-killing already!
wow, i used to love you so much. until i realized you were getting sorta inappropriate with Danerys. yeah, she's brave and beautiful and a queen and she frees entire cities worth of slaves and she has three lovely dragons. but didn't you notice that she's about a third your age? and on top of that, you're a jealous liar. get outta here, Creepy McCreeperson!
come on, wolfie - Arya is supposed to be your soulmate! she's running all over Westeros just trying to get back to the fam, clearly needing a helping hand or paw... so why are you off galivanting about the countryside, chasing deer and hanging out with your new wolfpack buddies? well you did save her ass by taking down some of those Brave Companions - but that's a case of too little, too late. and here i thought that wolves are a girl's best friend. silly me. i guess your stomach is so much more important.
***
~ a special Zero mention must be made for Tyrion the Imp. where did that brain of yours go? why are you getting your ass handed to you again and again? well at least you unstuck your head from that ass and finally delivered some seriously overdue comeuppance... but i had to read 900 pages to get to that part. i want my old Tyrion back, stat! ~
__________
no review necessary, there are enough excellent ones out there. i loved this book, as i loved its predecessors. my favorite parts were the scenes with Sandor Clegane and Arya Stark. those two vicious killers were made for each other and their relationship was both laugh-out-loud funny and strangely moving. awww. at long last, a father figure that a child can truly look up to, and a daughter surrogate who knows what it means to really, really want to get some payback.
and now on to the next one!
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Reading Progress
Finished Reading
February 26, 2011
– Shelved
July 13, 2011
– Shelved as:
fantasy-modern
January 24, 2012
– Shelved as:
rain-man-reviews
October 21, 2013
– Shelved as:
alpha-team
Comments Showing 1-50 of 69 (69 new)
thanks Jessi! i agree, HBO needs to keep those scenes completely intact, dialogue and dagger and axe thrown and everything. my gosh that last chapter when Arya rides off without him was sorta heartbreaking. they were good together. and now we'll just have to wait an interminable 1 or 2 more seasons before we even get to see those scenes in the series. too long!
The more I hear about this the more I am tempted to read/watch this series. Plus Sean Bean and his dulcet tones gets a big northern thumbs up from me (well mostly for those nifty uniforms he used to wear in Sharpe, but whatever)
i'm curious as to what you'd think - although, honestly, i fear the worst! the writing is dense, at times poetic, with strong characterization and complex plotting...but this is pure genre writing nonetheless, with primarily narrative and structurally based pleasures to be enjoyed (rather than the pleasures that can be had with contemplating well-developed themes and/or challenging stylistic decisions). and that perhaps could be a turn-off for some folks.
Well I might give the series a go, or at least the first one. And even if i don't like it too much i promise not to let on this time!
Niyaniyanniya, readers are raving to read this book!
Where do you find these pictures? Hahahahaha!!!
they were fun to look for! i just did a google image search for pictures and then fancied them up on photobucket.
That is seriously awesome. I laughed my ass off.
I was glad to see the Queen of Thorns get a shoutout. She's my role model. Love.
she's one of my favorite supporting characters. also, Prince Oberyn of Dorne. he's my role model! r.i.p.
This was fantastic work. And great character summaries. =D
you're too hard on the King in the North. otherwise, this was a fun read :) and brilliant fancying up of the pictures by the way!
i'm only hard on him because i liked him so much and his actions were so disappointing! oh the bitterness of being let down. that said, he is a great character in the first 3 novels, with a vivid, memorable, heartbreaking ending. Martin did a great job with poor King Robb.and thank you for the nice words!
My favorite review of SoS in all Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ (along with Jessi's). Funny stuff Mark!
While I enjoyed this throughly and giggled lots and lots I have to point out that you are wrong about Mance as he is the one digging up the "others"
This was an awesome review...Loved it!!
thanks Renuka!Kirstin, don't know if you'll even see this because it is about 2 months overdue... but are you sure? i didn't get the impression that it is Mance's fault that the Others are returning. did not get that impression at all! i thought it was a sort of seasonal thing?
Sweet spoilers. Other than that I like your enthusiasm.
just added a spoiler warning, thanks for pointing that out Nate.
rofl what is Nymeria doing?It looks like she a peeping tom getting excited watching a phoenix through a window.
it is the eternally burning flame of R'hllor. she wants to eat it!
So now we know where Fawkes went after dumbledore.A cabin in the riverlands being stalked by Nymeria.If Arya got together with Nymeria that would probably mean the extinction of life in Westeros.
i never saw the connection between R'hllor & Fawkes before your post. but now it is so obvious, they are one of the same. the poor people of Westeros have no clue that soon the Dark Phoenix will extinguish all life on Westeros. if they did, they would embrace those Others as their icy protectors. go, Others, go! save Westeros from the burning flames!
is it me,or does that picture of mance rayder look like he should be standing next to mick jagger and keith richards
wow, insult Jorah all you want. He stayed true to himself. Daenarys is going mad with power like her father (whom she still believes is innocent). Just pathetic. Dany, I used to love you.
but Leonard, Dany is trying to do the right thing! failing, yes, but still trying. to me, trying to do the right thing makes all the difference in the world. i think the recent novel makes it clear that this series is all about what can be done with power. Dany is trying to actually be a good leader who does right by all people - which is so unlike everyone else in the series, besides Jon Snow.
I just finished the book that's why now's the only time I read your review. Haha this is so funny! I would agree with most of the things you say regarding the characters.
thanks md. hope you still continue to enjoy the series... the next book has a really mixed response, but i loved it.
Loved this. Wish I had finished the book before I read this but I'm always spoiling it! :P Loving this book and loved your reveiw/slideshow.
I was on the fence about picking this up and reading it. I was exhausted after finishing the second one. You just gave me the motivation to tackle this monster. Thanks!
i'm glad! it is excellent. now don't reread this review or read any other spoilery reviews - in the slim hope that you will forget any or all details! it is a book full of surprises.
HBO was flawless for the first season, decent for the second season. Love the third book so far, I am nervous for the next two seasons.
i'm nervous as well. but you know, i thought the second season was actually superior to the first. why do you feel the opposite? it is one of my favorites (both the series and the tv show), so i'm always eager to hear what folks think about it.
About Robb: there's a fan theory (a bit stronger than that actually) that Robb might have been given a love potion sort of thing by the girl (or her mother), because her grandma was a maegi, and that the girl didn't drink a fertility potion as she told Cat, but a birth control one. This was planned by her mother and/or Tywin (he told Tyrion that people whom he considers stupid might know something he doesn't when they talked about why the Westerlings joined Robb's side). This would explain why Robb was so stupid and why he didn't keep his word.It's debated though how much Jeyne knew and whether Tywin planned it ALL so that the Freys break up with Robb and the Westerlings just followed orders, OR the Westerlings planned it out after Robb proposed to Jeyne.
(Sorry for my grammar, English isn't my native :) )
all of that with Robb/love potion/grandma maegi... fascinating! although i'm not sure i buy it because that conspiracy theory seems a little tortured. but at the same time i remember thinking a lot about the odd family that Jeyne came from and if that was going to go anywhere... and it never did! a lot of set-up for her character and then... nothing. not that i minded it; it was all interesting and made her backstory pretty rich. who knows, maybe she'll reappear.
I totally don't agree with Robb being a zero... Try being a king when you're just 15! It can't be easy. But Cat is totally a loser. She started all of it!
LOL DUDE!!This is hilarious. Especially the starks in the zeroes categories
I had a laugh reading this, thank you =)I really dont understand why so many people like the Starks so much...
hahaahhhaahahaa i loved it !! niice review maaaan u said it alll
( holding up a card that says 10) Yeeeehaw!
Agree with everything except Tyrion and Robb, they're some of my favourite characters. The below part contains a !!SPOILER!!R.I.P. Robb Stark!
yes, RIP! poor StarksTyrion is also one of my favorite characters. but not so much in this book.
Luckily I know enough not to need to read these books, thanks to a great review, mark.
Dear HBO do not feck with these scenes, the point when they were searching their latest victim for valuables and Sandor tosses Arya the little dagger. If you did not think that was the sweetest moment of the book then you are a robot. It was adorable(in a busted kind of way)