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CONTRACT between the recent reader of Honoré de Balzac's Illusions perdues, hereinafter the party of the first part, and His Satanic Majesty Lucifer, Prince of Darkness and Father of Lies, hereinafter the party of the second part:

WHEREAS it is amply revealed in the aforementioned work of Balzac that Paris during the third decade of the nineteenth century offers unparalleled opportunities for the gifted and unscrupulous reviewer to exploit his skills to commercial and other advantage;

WHEREAS the party of the first part, having possession of such skills, desires to receive adequate recompense for them;

WHEREAS the party of the second part, having supernatural powers that place Him above the confines of space and time, is capable of effecting the necessary bodily transport of persons to other ages and places;

NOW THEREFORE IT IS HEREBY AGREED

1. That the party of the first part will at their convenience be transported to the Paris of 1821, with their literary talents transposed into corresponding abilities in the French of the relevant period;

2. That the party of the first part will be provided by the party of the second part with a guide, suitably conversant with Parisian society, who will undertake to introduce them into the journalistic circles where the party of the first part may make appropriate use of their talents;

3. That the party of the first part will within a delay not exceeding ten (10) working days receive adequate recompense for their literary productions, such recompense including but not necessarily limited to gold coins, magnificent dinners at fashionable restaurants, fawning servility from well-known authors in need of positive reviews, offers from publishing houses to print works of prose and poetry written by the party of the first part, and beautiful actresses inviting the party of the first part to their beds and declaring their undying love;

4. That the party of the first part will enjoy the aforementioned benefits as long as they continue to produce reviews, newspaper columns, occasional articles and other writings as further specified in Schedule A;

5. That in exchange for the above considerations, the party of the first part solemnly pledges to transfer their immortal soul to the party of the second part, to be the property of the party of the second part throughout all eternity;

IN WITNESS WHEREOF

the agreement is duly executed as of the date first written above.

[Signatures]

A. Reader

His Satanic Majesty Lucifer

CODICIL

The above notwithstanding, if the party of the second part determines a more conveniently located but otherwise equivalent venue where the party of the first part may receive adequate recompense for their reviewing skills, the party of the second part reserves the right instead to transport the party of the first part to the alternate venue, all other clauses to persist in force unchanged.

[Initials]

A.R.

H.S.M.L.