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Annie's Reviews > Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss
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The book should have been titled "Start at No in Negotiations." Often, a "no" means "wait" or "I'm not comfortable with that." Probe deeper and listen carefully to uncover key information behind the "no" (such as "I want to but I don't have the money now" or "it is actually my spouse, not me, who doesn't agree"). This is a much more effective approach than trying to get the counterpart to say "yes," which the person might say just to get rid of you.

The author, who is a former FBI hostage negotiator, included too many hostage stories. These situations where lives are on the line, the negotiator would never split the difference (e.g., you take 2 hostages and I take 2 hostages) and hence, the book title. But for everyday situations (like negotiating with a family member, buying a car, or working with colleagues), the stories aren't that useful and such a perspective on negotiations isn't practical.

I recommend starting with Chapter 9 to understand the types of people in negotiations:
Analyst - methodical and diligent; need time to go over facts and consider the options
Accommodator - builds rapport through a continuous free-flowing exchange of information; not necessarily focused on the desired outcome
Assertive - direct and candid; getting it done quickly is more important than spending more time on getting it done right

Then start from the beginning and practice the skills, including:
Mirror - repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said to draw out more information from the person
Label - validate someone's emotions and fears by acknowledging it (such as "it seems like you feel you're not being appreciated")
Accusation List - list the worst things the counterpart could say about you (such as "you probably think I don't spend enough time on this project") and give statements to alleviate that concern (such as "You can trust me to do my part without supervision" and "we all want this project to be successful").

Ask questions, collect information, and consider creative ways to get to your goals (such as non-monetary items - amenities, upgrades, positive reviews, and referrals). There is much more in the book that goes through the nuances of what to say, how to say it, and how to behave. It is a book that you need to read slowly, take notes, and practice the tips before moving on to the next chapter.
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Reading Progress

April 21, 2018 – Started Reading
April 21, 2018 – Shelved
April 29, 2018 – Finished Reading

Comments Showing 1-9 of 9 (9 new)

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message 1: by Kenneth (new) - added it

Kenneth Kinyanjui Thanks for taking the time to share your approach on how to read the book.


Annie You're welcome. I'm glad you find it useful.


message 3: by Sifallah (new) - added it

Sifallah Ben Jediane I appreciate your time to write a comment, thanks Annie


Amanda this was a really helpful summary / review. i'm about halfway through and wish i read this post earlier. it's still helpful though & i plan to write down what you've said in my notebook. much appreciated!


Annie Great to hear. Thanks.


message 6: by Geri (new)

Geri Very helpful, Annie�. Thanks!


Annie You're welcome


Chanchana This is a very helpful and practical review.


Pablo María Fernández One of the most useful reviews I read at Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ (and I've read a lot!) :) Thanks!


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