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Kat Kennedy's Reviews > Dark Seeker
Dark Seeker (Seeker, #1)
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Kat Kennedy's review
bookshelves: books-that-deserve-painful-death, death-by-paranormal-romance, just-plain-bad, kat-s-book-reviews, kat-s-rants, to-ya-or-not-to-ya, ya-pnr-maddness, too-painful-to-finish
Jan 25, 2012
bookshelves: books-that-deserve-painful-death, death-by-paranormal-romance, just-plain-bad, kat-s-book-reviews, kat-s-rants, to-ya-or-not-to-ya, ya-pnr-maddness, too-painful-to-finish
I thought it was illegal to fail this hard without a permit.
I mean, if it were possible for a book to despise humanity and turn against people in general, this would be its first step down the path to villainy.
This book is how they torture state secrets out of spies.
Reading this was like using a pineapple for a prostate exam.
In all honesty, it's not like there was a shortage of female protagonists who could charitably be described as useless, pathetic twats. I think Janie almost takes the cake as Queen of the Oxygen Thieves. I'd say she's more useless than someone who uses a Masterball on a Magikarp. She couldn't fight her way out of a paper bag if she had a map, GPS, and all her enemies were bunnies. Dead bunnies. If Kai wasn't there to wipe her ass for her, she stab herself with the toilet seat.
Her idea of a clever plan is to check both ways before getting stabbed with a knife.
I made it approximately halfway through the book in which she'd had about half a dozen fights with the supernatural. She didn't make it through a single one of them without Kai mysteriously showing up to rescue her. She's supposedly been trained since childhood for this position - presumably by the people who keep greenlighting Eddie Murphy movies, based entirely on the amount that Janie fails.
I guess what I was expecting was that someone who had spent years training as a feared warrior would be... competent? Able? Spend far less time on her ass watching other people do her job?
Kai was your requisite mysterious, dangerous, love interest. If you mistake him for a shadowy handpuppet reflection on your livingroom wall then you're not alone.
The writing is enough to make you weep with how disjointed, poorly structured and stagnant it is. The concept is convoluted and, frankly, laughably dumb. This is the cheesiest, silliest, worst homage to Buffy I've ever read. I had to check to see if it was trying to be ironic but, sadly, this was an honest attempt at story telling.
The only positive thing I have to say about this one?
Still a better love story than Twilight.
Then again... what the fuck isn't?
I mean, if it were possible for a book to despise humanity and turn against people in general, this would be its first step down the path to villainy.
This book is how they torture state secrets out of spies.
Reading this was like using a pineapple for a prostate exam.
In all honesty, it's not like there was a shortage of female protagonists who could charitably be described as useless, pathetic twats. I think Janie almost takes the cake as Queen of the Oxygen Thieves. I'd say she's more useless than someone who uses a Masterball on a Magikarp. She couldn't fight her way out of a paper bag if she had a map, GPS, and all her enemies were bunnies. Dead bunnies. If Kai wasn't there to wipe her ass for her, she stab herself with the toilet seat.
Her idea of a clever plan is to check both ways before getting stabbed with a knife.
I made it approximately halfway through the book in which she'd had about half a dozen fights with the supernatural. She didn't make it through a single one of them without Kai mysteriously showing up to rescue her. She's supposedly been trained since childhood for this position - presumably by the people who keep greenlighting Eddie Murphy movies, based entirely on the amount that Janie fails.
I guess what I was expecting was that someone who had spent years training as a feared warrior would be... competent? Able? Spend far less time on her ass watching other people do her job?
Kai was your requisite mysterious, dangerous, love interest. If you mistake him for a shadowy handpuppet reflection on your livingroom wall then you're not alone.
The writing is enough to make you weep with how disjointed, poorly structured and stagnant it is. The concept is convoluted and, frankly, laughably dumb. This is the cheesiest, silliest, worst homage to Buffy I've ever read. I had to check to see if it was trying to be ironic but, sadly, this was an honest attempt at story telling.
The only positive thing I have to say about this one?
Still a better love story than Twilight.
Then again... what the fuck isn't?
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Reading Progress
January 25, 2012
–
Started Reading
January 25, 2012
– Shelved
January 26, 2012
–
Finished Reading
February 21, 2012
– Shelved as:
books-that-deserve-painful-death
February 21, 2012
– Shelved as:
death-by-paranormal-romance
February 21, 2012
– Shelved as:
just-plain-bad
February 21, 2012
– Shelved as:
kat-s-book-reviews
February 21, 2012
– Shelved as:
kat-s-rants
February 21, 2012
– Shelved as:
to-ya-or-not-to-ya
February 21, 2012
– Shelved as:
ya-pnr-maddness
February 21, 2012
– Shelved as:
too-painful-to-finish
Comments Showing 1-32 of 32 (32 new)
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Thanks Adriana! You're probably doing a good thing by staying away! Saves you the brain spasms that I often get.
Reading this was like using a pineapple for a prostate exam. Best bit in the review and probably in the book as well?
Still a better love story than twilight? I'd take the pineapple to the bum and still call that a happy ending. I'm starting to think that authors get a check from Joss Whedon for making his series look that much better than yours if you make it into a malformed devil child of his own series.
"I'd say she's more useless than someone who uses a Masterball on a Magikarp."As someone who did that when she picked up her first Pokémon Gameboy game, I can perfectly visualize the level of uselessness you are trying to convey here XD
And here I was about to buy this one because it came highly recommended. Thank you and your awesome and ridiculously hilarious review for saving me from this book :D
"Masterball on a Magikarp"!! Best review line ever!!!
Thank you, everyone!Rayne, I once played Pokemon on my brother's gameboy and deleted his saved game. I was in so much trouble for that!
But I've done it before too. Not on a Magikarp but on something equally ridiculous.
You're fantastic. Even when I don't agree with you I wait with baited breath for your reviews. In this case I do agree and wonder what alter I have to worship at to get your gift of saying exactly what I want to say but never can. I could never come up with that many appropriate metaphors or use them as well as you do.One thing though. I've been reading your blog for a while and now the new one and I have read your opinion on the Twilight books several times.
They seem like harmless enough stories, pretty much like most YA paranormal romances and I rather liked the half sleepy, lyrical writing. Why do they bring forward such venom in you and certain other reviewers I admire? In a way the books have been made more popular simply by virtue of how well-hated it is.
When I first read Twilight I was 19 and had never read a YA paranormal before. It seemed a novel concept. I liked the story and looked forward to the next one, but I was a little surprised at the explosion of demand for them. It was like Harry Potter all over again, though in case of the latter I hadn't been surprised.
Then after all the books were out I saw another explosion and this time it was against the series. This confused utterly - because, really, while I liked the books I didn't think they were special enough to provoke this kind of bipolar reaction all over the world.
Anyway, I got sidetracked. Loved this review, just like most of your reviews and really like the new blog - especially the fact that you and Stephanie have put up alternate reviews of some of the same books. Great stuff.
Still a better love story than Twilight is a meme - a funny one.This is the thing - I don't hate Twilight, but there are elements I do hate that have carried over into the genre.
Now I usually can't make fun of books like Dark Seeker because so few have read the book. But you see, Twilight encapsulats many of the flaws and so many people have read it and thus it becomes the target for scorn.
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THIS IS THE FUNNIEST REVIEW I HAVE EVER HAD THE PLEASURE OF READING!!I mean first of all you should write freaking humour books.
Each one-liner was delicatly woven to rip the laugh out of the reader's guts!
I wanted to put each sentence that was funny but... they all are.
I'm going to check out the sample of this book.lol.
I've actually added this book to read list, but I think I'll take it out now, thanks Kat!!
Kat wrote: "Still a better love story than Twilight is a meme - a funny one.This is the thing - I don't hate Twilight, but there are elements I do hate that have carried over into the genre.
Now I usually c..."
That...is a really good point. I guess it did make itself a very large and tempting target.
A question - could you always write this well? As I said, I've read many of your reviews and as Kenya here says, you could write really funny books. You could possibly also write really good books that are not remotely funny. So, have you always been able to express yourself so well, or did you spend years collecting funnies in a little notebook till they became second nature to you?
I collect striking conversations or really funny situations, but they haven't helped me make great strides in creative writing just yet. :)
I don't think anyone just wakes up and starts writing well. Whatever skill I can claim to have has come from more than a decade of practice. I began writing and putting my work on the internet at 13 and have done it ever since.It wasn't until I was 17 that I started to even like my own work. My dramatic stuff I felt I improved at a lot earlier than any comedic ability I had. I think comedy is really hard actually.
I don't keep stuff. I know some people that do and I think it can have the bad effect on originality since your brain tends to record it - you lose the memory of where it came from and assume it as your own. Then you end up accidentally quoting other people's words in your writing instead of coming up with your own.
Hope that helps!
Kat wrote: "I don't think anyone just wakes up and starts writing well. Whatever skill I can claim to have has come from more than a decade of practice. I began writing and putting my work on the internet at..."Comedic IS hard. I suck at it. haha
You don't keep the things you write Kat? Except for like WIP, I suppose?
I have pretty much everything I've ever written, so I guess I'm the opposite. :) It's hard to go back and read it, though. It makes me cringe, some of it. Ah well.
I meant I don't keep funnies. I thought the question Honour asked was about collecting funny things I'd read.I've kept most stuff but unfortunately due to computer changes, a lot has been lost.
I go back and read old stuff compulsively because it teaches me where my weaknesses are. Especially for the comedy.
Kat wrote: "I meant I don't keep funnies. I thought the question Honour asked was about collecting funny things I'd read.I've kept most stuff but unfortunately due to computer changes, a lot has been lost.
..."
Do you write stories? I used to find dialogue writing impossibly difficult. Even if the characters spoke fluently in my mind, as soon as I tried writing it all down the life in them vanished. I think I'm better at it now after three years of writing rubbish, so I hope someday my funnies would improve too.
I get your point about collecting other people's stuff and then confusing them with your own inventions. I do collect other people's dialogues, jokes, but very rarely. Most of what we know is after all simply stuff we heard from others or read from someone else's writing - we get inspired from the mundane that everyone knows but everyone sees differently.
What I mostly jot down are the some times unexpected displays of wit around me, odd humour emerging from a situation that seemed utterly frustrating, images (sort of movie stills) of imaginary characters acting in a funny way or doing something idiotic that I don't want to forget...so on.
So. Do you write stories?
That's a good idea. I honestly don't do that, but I don't know why.Yes, I write stories. I have two completed novels in the editing process and I've written two other complete/edited novels.
have you discussed this in your blog? I might not have reached stalker-levels yet but I thought I'd read your articles pretty thoroughly.I hope I like your stories. Is it possible to not like fiction by someone whose general writing you like so much?
I know it takes serious determination to actually finish a novel after the flush of starting one has worn off. You finished four! Do you intend to try and publish all of them or are some just for your own collection?
"Still a better love story than Twilight. Then again... what the fuck isn't?"
Um...Hush, Hush?
I love Twilight (sure its corny and the main character Bella is depressing and uninteresting... and the vampires sparkle... and Edward is mopy.... why do I like the damn series again?)! I hate Hush Hush though..... Great cover horrible story!
Zero - it's a meme - not a definitive evaluation of every book ever written in comparison to Twilight.Kenya - so right. hush hush was truly hideous!
Kat wrote: "Zero - it's a meme - not a definitive evaluation of every book ever written in comparison to Twilight.I know, I was just being an idiot.
Super funny review. I loved Buffy and by your summary of the book, this book is nothing like it. Hello, Buffy never needed Angel to save her ass!
I cannot begin to tell you how much I enjoyed this review. I actually had to pause reading for a couple of minutes so I could stop laughing so hard and breath properly again.
You've just inspired me not to read this book...love the review
Omg! .. That review was Hilarious! .. Never before reading YA have I encountered so many very Spechal young girls, so equipped to fight, Taalk Alot about what they will Do ... Yet, get *seemingly* defeated/deflected almost instantly!
DISCULPA TU ESTE LIBRO LO LEISTE EN ESTA PAGINA ES QUE NO SE COMO LEERLO
Yelling at me in a language I don't speak has historically been a terrible way to communicate your issues. I believe science will also back me up on this one.
She's asking how she can read this book...
On kindle. Purchase.
Your review is hilarious!! and so true. I hated this book too.
This is why I love you (/o_o)/ Your snark is like sweet, tasty orange juice and luckily I haven't brushed my teeth beforehand! (glug glug)
LOL
I've been following your reviews for a while and just wanted to stop by and say that they're awesome. However, I'm appalled at the mountains of YA books that follow the trend of the helpless little girl and the mysterious, handsome stranger. That's why I'm not a fan of the genre, but if I ever want to give it another try, I'll have youre reviews and ratings to guide me. :)