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AFORE- Fine. Fine. Fine. I'll read it. I have two things to say first:

1) I am annoyed this woman can not spell her own name and have very low expectations based on that fact.
2) The vampires better be exciting.

AFTER- I could still feel warmth where his skin touched mine. The moisture of his lips was on my throat and the silken bristles of his hair brushed over my face as he drew his mouth down. The smell of him lingered in my nostrils. It was not like flowers.

I wanted him to bite me. Instead he pulled his head up and looked at me curiously. No question came, but I knew he was trying to understand. Trying to see what had brought me to this place. He looked like a cat with his head slightly cocked, as though listening for the words I couldn’t dare to utter. He was beautiful. Dark eyes aglitter, cunning written plainly on his face. Then the cat became a tiger.

“Get up.� The dream memory broke off and I opened my eyes. The tiger was alive and pacing. “Get up. NOW.� I scrambled to the other side of the wide bed, finally afraid. Two thoughts clicked into place simultaneously:

This is what he’d warned me of.
He’d been watching me sleep.

And there was no hope for me. No escape. I was alone with this beautiful man and this ravenous beast and the danger was of my own design. He’d tried to tell me but, headstrong and foolish, I didn’t believe. And now, when I believed it to the very core of my being, there was no escape. Not that I’d have wanted one anyway.

I am such a girl.
Yeah. So Twilight. I’m going to say something here that a few of you may hate me for. This book is not well written. It’s just not. Meyer’s a storyteller but this is not great literature. The typos I grumbled about? I wasn’t complaining so much about the typos themselves � okay, I kind of was - but what really bothered me was the type of typos. It’s clear someone has actually done some editing, but to improve the writing rather than to add a dropped period or correct a misspelling. It didn’t help.

And yet I enjoyed the book. I am such a girl. This is, I am convinced, where Meyer has struck the mother lode. Edward is handsome. Beautiful even. A marble statue of masculine beauty. I hesitate to say hot because the fact is he’s not. He’s cold to the touch, which makes him all the more attractive because he’s a challenge. Untouchable, so obviously all I can think of is touching him. Did I mention he’s handsome? And he likes me. Me! He spends pages and pages and pages fighting down his attraction to me but I’m so sweet smelling, so delicious, so special, he just can’t. I’m his own brand of heroin. More dreaminess: Edward’s beauteous and smart. Brains are sexy. Can I get an ‘Amen�? But so is brawn and Edward’s as agile and athletically gifted as he is beautiful. Did I already say he’s beautiful? Sorry. It’s just that he’s sooo beautiful. And rich. And he likes me. Me! And he’s bad. But he’s good. He’s fighting his bad side because he’s so good and he likes me. Me! I must really be special.

And there it is. Special. We girls like to be made to feel special. Like we’re the only one. The only one whose mind he can’t read and the only one whose mind he wants to read. The only girl he could spend all day talking to and still want to spend tomorrow with. The only girl he’s ever kissed. I’m so extraordinarily special that he’s fighting his very nature for me. Never forget Edward is a vampire. He’s dangerous. C’mon, you know you like it. And he likes me so much he’d like to feast on me. But I’m (almost, maybe, not quite) safe because he’ll protect me from himself. "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb. What a stupid lamb. What a sick, masochistic lion." Aww� He loves me�

* sigh *

Anyway. Points given for bringing my teenage daydreams to life. Points taken away for making my hero a vampire. Points given for writing a long book. Points taken for filling several pages of it with a girl googling and sending emails to her mother. Points given for not including sex in my teenage vampire love story. Points taken away for not including sex in my adult vampire love story. Points given for creativity. (Vampires sparkle in the sunlight??) Points taken for trying to undo hundreds of years worth of vampire lore in a mere 480 pages. (Several of which have been wasted on google searches for “vampire�.) What does that tally up to? I’d say three stars and two fang marks. Cause I really wanted him to bite.