ŷ������

GUESS WHAT? I never have to say “maybe this weekend I’ll finally read a Colleen Hoover novel�� again, because I finally did it. And I won’t be doing it again. Not for me really, but I see why people love this. I’m glad I did read it though because, well, this entire story is an absolute trainwreck and I do love watching a good trainwreck unfold. I mean, it’s entirely overblown to the point of absurdity and all the two main characters are more concerned with sex than the moral implications of…well, literally anything INCLUDING their sexual relations with each other, but damn does this go some places. It is entirely creepy, but also darkly funny once you know the twist because like…WHAT THE FUCK? This is successfully dark and bleak, and one you can't stop reading, I'll give it that. But like, imagining this from Verity's point of view...did she intend this as dark humor? Because wut? Also do people find this sexy? Because I have questions.
...is it like a Mr Rochester thing? Because this book does seem constructed around Jane Eyre nods in many ways.

If you don't know the plot: Lowen, a struggling writer, is hired by Jeremy to finish his wife Verity's body of work after an accident leaves her unable to finish. Lowen finds an autobiography that reveals all sorts of juicy drama and murders, but decides to just have sex with Jeremy instead of do much about it until she can find a way to ensure Verity's story will get him to run away with her instead. Ill-advised, Lowen, ill-advised. Bonus points if you just pretend this is someone finishing Sue Grafton's alphabet series. Would have preferred that, honestly.
Here's a handy guide I made:


Its unfortunate that without the narrator in the book it probably would have been a more tense storyline. Lowen is really here just for the sake of sex scenes, and there are many. You know how Murakami can’t let a breast go undescribed? Hoover does that but for cum shots. Of which there are many. But one does not enter a novel like this (gross, why would I put it that way in this context?) for the sake of good writing but for a thrilling plot. Which, I will admit, this has. Albeit poorly constructed—I mean EGREGIOUSLY bad choices are made and nobody seems all that concerned with actually doing anything useful—but it will keep you flipping pages. Mostly to see if hopefully they all fucking die instead of just keep fucking, but whatever. You do you, Lowen and Jeremy. Wouldn’t recommend it, but we’re all grown adults.

Seriously though ,so much of this book makes zero fucking sense. Like, I LOVE suspension of disbelief. But COME ON. How’d homegirl fake the brain scans?Also, Lowan is just like wow I have the answers to all sorts of wild shit but I’m only going to read a few sentences of it a day then make a trite comment and get to pantsless time with Verity’s husband. What is the time frame of this book? You are stuck in a house with possible murderers and you’re like NAH I won’t read their tell-all too quickly? But she can’t because apparently she’s gotta keep banging Jeremy, who is also technically her employer but there is no HR so fuck it, fuck. With Verity possibly watching? Christ. Also, wear a condom. Please, I beg you. What part of this tangled and weird situation made anyone think "hmmm maybe a pregnancy would help?"

Everyone is WAY too cool with murder in this too. Verity is a Medea-figure here, one who uses sex as a means of control and ranks how she values Jeremy based on the quantity of sex they are having, so I guess its no surprise she’s down to murder and not give two shits. But then there is also the ending. I wanted to like it. I mean, okay this whole book plays with ideas of duality—the twins as two sides of Verity’s personality, the two possible truths at the end—but Hoover is WAY too eager to walk you through showing to point out how clever it is. She’s practically yelling “VERITY MEANS TRUTH! GET IT?!?!?!?��

So yea, this is fun enough I guess? I see the appeal. It’ll make a great movie when it inevitably happens. It could really only be improved upon, like, maybe actors will put some personality into these lifeless characters. The biggest plot hole in this is that two different people were in love with Jeremy, he’s as unlikable and bland as possible. Imagine Lowen having sex with a loaf of stale bread that is as down to kill as it is down to bang. You can now say you’ve read Verity.

This is a book for the sake of fun and entertainment and gotta say, I was entertained. I hate everyone, I mean, these characters make Sally Rooney characters seem like wonderful people. To be fair, half the point of this book is to read some steamy sexy times, which there are many, but it sort of becomes annoying when the plot is so engaging. They break for sex again and it’s like NO, STOP, THERE ARE MORE PRESSING ISSUES, I NEED ANSWERS. Children are dead and everyone’s just like hey I’m horny. I get it, we all like sex but damn people. These people would all die in a horror film because the monster would be after them and they’d be like “fancy a quickie?�� “Sure, J-bear, why not —�� oh no my face is being eaten by this monster!�� And Jeremy would be like “HOT.�� And try to seduce the monster I guess? I don’t know.

Anyways now I can say I wasn’t lying when I told people every day of my life in a bookstore or library for the past year that, sure, I’ll give Hoover a try. Mission accomplished.

2/5

Update So I read the bonus chapter and I’m not sure who read this and thought “say more!�� but apparently enough people did to get a hardcover edition out of it. Yep, still hate everyone in it, probably more now. Low is basically haunted by Verity and some of it comes across as pretty uncool. Oh and it is no surprise Jeremy sucks more than we knew but certainly suspected. Also Low is still way too okay with Jeremy doing some murder, and like, did she think he’d just be a well-adjusted dude post-murder and not ever be dangerous again? Lol. Honestly, this is all a bit much and sort of ruins the sort-of ambiguity you could be convinced of in the last book.