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“What a dull lifeless quality this bitterness is. If I could, I would write with love, but if I could write with love, I would be another man. I would never have lost love.��

Love in all its splendour, obsession in all its madness, and regret in all its solemnity is what we have at this end of this affair. I know books divide opinions but never before has a book divided my own opinion this much �� yes that’s a first and straight into why.

The writing is stunning and when well written this subject matter often brings its intriguing combination of drama and tragedy, but then the ‘religion�� threads / reflections in this book felt contradictory and over written.

So, 5/5 for the stunning writing, 5/5 for the story, 1/5 for the authors battles with religious piety and conscience. This is incredibly thought provoking but not always in a good way because this is about love, anger, resentment, and obsession, which to me highlighted a level of hypocrisy in the author himself �� eek.

Why do I say this about a well known author, a master of his trade? Because he is the adulterer in the story. He is writing about himself and his own affair with a married woman and then curses God for taking away the object of his obsession. It was a bit of a challenge feeling empathy for this man, although I did feel sympathy for the many hearts this book represents, and also some was reserved for this broken man.

The Story of this Affair

The story is about an affair between Maurice Bendrix, the author in the book (and also the real author Graham Greene), and Sarah Miles, who is married to the couple’s friend Henry Miles.

The indulgent, prohibited and sometimes brazen affair between Sarah and Maurice ends abruptly, when Sarah breaks off contact from Bendrix with little explanation. Obsessed with the only woman he has ever loved, Bendrix begins work with a private investigator to uncover the new object of Sarah’s desire. However, it is only after Sarah falls ill and Bendrix is presented with the opportunity to read her diary, that he comes to appreciate that this third man is not another lover but ‘God��. A symbol of Bendrix’s hate and Sarah’s guilt.

The story becomes less of a story and more of an exploration of love and how desire, obsession and lust conflicts with religious piety and devotion. Whether you believe this was cause or excuse, for the end of the affair is entirely up to you as the reader.

Review and Comments

On one side I thought this was one of the most evocative, raw and sobering portrayals of lost love I have ever read. On the other, it was at times an indulgent self-pitying monologue of one man who lashed out at God for an affair �� that according to his religion should have been off limits in the first place. This is what happens when an author controversially puts themselves at the heart of the story.

Religion aside, it was incredibly brave and self-effacing for an author to write such a personally inspired story, and to portray himself as the ‘loser�� in this contest over one woman’s affections and love. For large parts of this book, I could feel the heartache and sense of loss which made this Bendrix / Greene’s story painful, deeply moving, and dramatic.

The author sharing his own insecurity was one of the most touching and agonising moments of this story when he acknowledges his own weaknesses, with comments like... “Insecurity is the worst sense that lovers feel; sometimes the most humdrum desireless marriage seems better. Insecurity twists meanings and poisons trust.�� because this man knew his obsession would destroy the relationship he had, even if God didn't!!!.

In my quest to acquaint myself with less comfortable and unfamiliar topics, I sought this one out. I knew it would stir my emotions and like I said at the beginning of this review, this book divided my own opinion, more than I expected.

Glad I read it? �� yes absolutely and I will read again because I want to see if I can experience something different the next time I indulge in this evocative story of one man’s lost love and now obsession. A love that was tarnished by insecurity and doubts that poisoned the trust between these lovers and then a man who looked to God not for answers but to blame.

Beautifully written, but also sad and gorgeous, raw but also sensual, thought provoking, evocative, and painful.