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160 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1951
"The sense of unhappiness is so much easier to convey than that of happiness. In misery we seem aware of our own existence, even though it may be in the form of a monstrous egotism: this pain of mine is individual, this nerve that winces belongs to me and to no other. But happiness annihilates us: we lose our identity."
"When I began to write I said this was a story of hatred, but I am not convinced. Perhaps my hatred is really as deficient as my love. I looked up just now from writing and caught sight of my own face in a mirror close to my desk, and I thought, does hatred really look like that?"
"鈥業t鈥檚 nice to see you,鈥� I said. 鈥楤een out for a walk?鈥�
鈥榊别蝉.鈥�
鈥業t鈥檚 a filthy night,鈥� I said accusingly, and Henry added with apparent anxiety, 鈥榊ou鈥檙e wet through, Sarah. One day you鈥檒l catch your death of cold.鈥�
A clich茅 with its popular wisdom can sometimes fall through a conversation like a note of doom, yet even if we had known he spoke the truth, I wonder if either of us would have felt any genuine anxiety..."
"I said to God, 鈥楽o that鈥檚 it. I begin to believe in you, and if I believe in you I shall hate you. I have free will to break my promise, haven鈥檛 I, but I haven鈥檛 the power to gain anything from breaking it... You let me sin, but you take away the fruits of my sin. You make me drive love out, and then you say there鈥檚 no lust for you either. What do you expect me to do now, God? Where do I go from here?鈥�"
"Dear God, I鈥檝e tried to love and I鈥檝e made such a hash of it. If I could love you, I鈥檇 know how to love them. ... I believe you are God. Teach me to love. I don鈥檛 mind my pain. It鈥檚 their pain I can鈥檛 stand. Let my pain go on and on, but stop theirs. Dear God, if only you could come down from your Cross for a while and let me get up there instead. If I could suffer like you, I could heal like you."
"What a fool I had been during three years to imagine that in any way I had possessed her. We are possessed by nobody, not even by ourselves."
"O God, You've done enough, You've robbed me of enough, I'm too tired and old to learn to love, leave me alone for ever."
鈥淚f you think God鈥檚 there, He is. If you don鈥檛, He isn鈥檛. And if that鈥檚 what God鈥檚 like, I wouldn鈥檛 worry about it.鈥�