欧宝娱乐

Inspired by Paul Legault's brilliant idea of translating Emily Dickinson's poems into English, I thought immediately - I have to steal that idea. So here are some of the Ariel poems of Sylvia Plath translated into English. I have, of course, tried my utmost to perform this task with tact, discretion and good taste.

ARIEL TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH

ELM.

Look, let's get this straight. I am a tree, you are a woman. We can never be together, not in the way you'd like, anyway. Plus, you're kind of irritating.

THE RABBIT CATCHER

I went out with this guy once and then I found out he liked to catch rabbits. So he was toast. I should have dimed the bastard.

BERCK-PLAGE

I went on holiday. Every single person in the whole hotel was talking about me behind my back. I don't like bikinis. Don't even get me started on nude beaches.

THE OTHER

I have something dead in my handbag. Tee hee. Also, I scratched myself and made myself bleed. I don't really recommend marriage.

A BIRTHDAY PRESENT

I got a present. But I was thinking that if I unwrapped it, it would bite my face off. So I didn't. Hah.

THE BEE MEETING

I thought I'd like to join in village life and get involved with local societies and all that. So I went to the bee keepers' meeting. It was like something out of Alfred Hitchcock. I liked it.

STINGS

Now I'm a real bee keeper. I get blase about stings. It's like a metaphor.

THE SWARM

Bees are kind of like Nazis. Or the French. I can't decide.

WINTERING

Country life can suck. I wish I was a bee. No, I don't really. That would be silly. I think it would be silly. Maybe it wouldn't be silly.

A SECRET

Men are like big babies that drink beer and want you to wear high class lingerie. Okay, that's not much of a secret.

THE APPLICANT

I got this job as a temp. So I was filing and I knew I could destroy them if I chose, just like that, but I didn't choose to that day.

DADDY

When I was little and my dad used to dress up in his SS uniform I used to think he looked so smart and handsome. Of course, later, the penny dropped.

LESBOS

You really shouldn't have taken the kittens and given them to the neighbours without a by-your-leave. I think I am going to pour sulphuric acid on your head while you are sleeping. I'll do it tonight. Yes.

FEVER 103

I got one of those 48 hour bugs. That's why he's still alive. If I had any strength in my limbs I would have sulphuric-acided his head last night.

CUT

I nearly cut my fucking thumb off when I was making a casserole for a man. I jumped about swearing. I could have cut off something useful, like his member, but no, it had to be my thumb.

POPPIES IN OCTOBER

Have you noticed that everything is slowly dying of carbon-monoxide poisoning?

LADY LAZARUS

I like to commit suicide like some people like to visit their grandparents. You really don't want to, it's kind of a drag and there's nothing to do there, but you just feel you have to because you're a good person.

LETTER IN NOVEMBER

Dear Ted - Fuck you - Sylvia

DEATH & CO

Cheer up, things could be worse, I could be dead. Oh no, wait a minute - this is worse, that would be better. Hmm.

SHEEP IN FOG

Well, you know sheep aren't that bright to begin with. So when you mix 'em up with a thick fog, the results are hilarious.