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DNF at 60%

P. S. I Hate You �� maybe? A little bit?

OK, OK �� I don’t really hate this book. Hate is such an extreme word, but hard as I’ve tried to keep going, I’m two-thirds of the way in waiting for any glimmer of love to show up in my heart for this story, and it just isn’t sparking!

Here’s what I did like:

The premise. Twenty-six-year-old Maddie’s older brother Josh’s dying wish is that she travel to eight states he never got to visit and have an adventure of his choosing before scattering his ashes with the help of his best friend Dominic: the guy who broke her heart at nineteen. It had loads of potential.

The themes. I appreciate any author who draws attention to serious themes and the complexity of being human, so props to her for that. This story examined the grief journey in all its messiness, since people usually aren’t their best selves when trying to process pain. No matter how difficult it was to like Maddie’s behavior, at least I could understand it. It also dealt with chronic illness in the form of her asthma and her mother’s toxic narcissism.

Here’s what I didn’t like:

The main character. Grieving or not, Maddie herself says at one point: “I never claimed to be mature. In fact, I am often extremely immature for my age.�� It shows often and it’s pretty insufferable in the first half of the book to watch how she treats Dom in her pain. I’m sure if I kept reading, he’ll be the saint who forgives all her insults and she'll see the light about his past choices, but it feels too easy to just gloss over how utterly obnoxious she’s been by blaming all of it on her grief. Dom’s willingness to keep taking her verbal punches isn't admirable to me.

The spice. I can handle a decent amount of spice in my books, though I’ll always prefer the door slightly less open. What I can’t handle is sexuality that’s anatomically described in great detail or relies on more crass sexual terms to get me onboard with how much they want each other. Maybe I’m just getting too old for this stuff, but even my twenties self would cringe at some of the narrative and dialogue.

The audio. I’ve enjoyed Karissa Vacker’s narration for other books, but she nails Maddie’s immaturity and constant snark so well that I suspect it actually made me dislike her more than I might’ve if I’d only read it.

Anyways, the book is working well for many others as evidenced by it's overall rating, so I’ll accept that as me just being the wrong reader for it. It’s well-written - it’s just not my type, so to speak! Since it’s a DNF, I’ll withhold a rating.

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Thanks to Berkley Publishing, NetGalley and author Lauren Connolly for this digital ARC to honestly review. It's available now.