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201 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1999
“Her picture of reality is shattering, as if the television screen had exploded that day and the war had simply spilled into her apartment. Now she herself is caught up in this rushing torrent. If she wants to survive, she will have to obey those who have the weapons. Her life, like her death, is no longer a matter of choice.�
“The moment the armed men appeared in their village, each one of them had ceased to be a person. Now they are even less so, they have been reduced to a collection of similar beings of the female gender, of the same blood. Blood alone is important, the right blood of the soldiers versus the wrong blood of the women.�![]()
"Perhaps that happens to people in wartime, words suddenly become superfluous because they can no longer express reality. Reality escapes the words we know, and we simply lack new words to encapsulate this new experience."
"Only now does S. understand that a woman's body never really belongs to the woman. It belongs to others—to the man, the children, the family. And in wartime to soldiers."
"Now, however, she sees that for her war began the moment others started dividing and labelling her, when nobody asked her anything any more."
"In the meantime, her life has become something different, unrecognizable. Or perhaps unimaginable. Lying in her hospital bed in Stockholm she still does not know what to call it, although she knows that the word is: war. But for her, war is merely a general term, a collective noun for so many individual stories. War is every individual, it is what happened to that individual, how it happened to that individual, how it happened, how it changed that person's life. For her, war is this child she had to give birth to."
“That was the only time she heard the women talk about rape. They did not talk about it later, they did not mention it again. If word got around that they had been defiled they would not be able to go back home to their villages, their husbands or parents. So they hold their tongues, they really believe they will go back home, S. thinks to herself.�
"These people seem to her unable to understand that for these armed men they are guilty simply because they exist, because they are different, because they are Muslims. And that that is reason enough for them."
"In a single day we had all been reduced to the lowest possible denominator, to brute existence...
"The day seems to have gone by so quickly and the turn of events has left her no time to think."
"Stories spread through the camp about torture and about the thousands of people killed in the men's camp...
"S. does not know what to make of these rumours. She's afraid that people exaggerate and invent the most horrible stories.
"You believe it only if you yourself see it. Perhaps this deliberate blindness is a form of self-preservation."
"She has to prove to herself that she still exists as a person, as S., if only through her belongings. Until that summer her identity had seemed indisputable. She knew who she was, she had family and friends, a job, interests...Now, however, she is inhabiting an underground world where the rules are different. She is connected to her previous world by the slim hope that it is still possible to be the same person, but already senses the fragility of this hope, the uncertainty of her own existence.
"She feels like a cracked bowl which is slowly leaking water. Even her memories are becoming remote and inaccessible."
"These pictures are her strongest proof that there truly did exist a person named S., twenty-nine years of age, a graduate of the Teacher Training College, temporarily employed in the village of B. as a home-room teacher, single, 1.68 meters tall, brown hair, brown eyes, no birthmarks..."
"The aim is to humiliate people. The internees cease to be human beings and their bodily needs, like their bodies themselves, become part of the machinery whose workings and aim they can only guess...the first lesson of survival in a camp [is] selfishness...
"It is better not to approach the guards, not to have anything to do with them. You never know how it will end. They do not need much of an excuse to whack somebody or do something even worse than that. It is better to become invisible."
"S. notices that she no longer has a will of her own, it has been replaced by something else, as if a robot has taken control of her body, making it move and react in her stead. Again, it is happening to someone else and to her at the same time.
"If the women prisoners cannot count on one another, then there is nothing she can trust any more...It is perfectly clear to her now that she cannot trust anyone...
"What upsets her is the feeling of diminishment, impoverishment and effacement. She wonders what else she will have to give up and what is the minimum of things with which one can survive without losing the feeling that one is human?"
"...We are all infected by the camp in the some way, she thinks. Of tainted blood, we are all the same. Women exist here only in the plural now. Nameless, faceless, interchangeable. There are only two categories, young and old."
"S. sometimes forgets that there is no real solidarity here, merely the struggle for bare existence."
"Opening up inside her again is the hole that swallows up everything that is human about here."
"We're not human any more, thinks S., the camp has stopped us from feeling human."
"More clearly than ever before she feels stripped of her right to herself, completely dispossessed of her own body."
"The women's room...is a storehouse of women, in a room where female bodies were stored for the use of men...This is nothing other than a soldiers' brothel...their task is to rape you...So, for them, the prisoners are garbage."