What do you think?
Rate this book
240 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1890
The dark had captured my brain and gave me not an
instant of peace. What if I myself became dissolved
into the dark, turned into it?
I leaned forward with my elbows on the windowsill and gazed at the sky. It promised to be a clear day. Autumn had arrived, that lovely, cool time of year when everything turns color and dies. The streets had already begun to get noisy, tempting me to go out. This empty room, where the floor rocked up and down at every step I took, was like a horrible, broken-down coffin.
Suddenly one or two good sentences occur to me, suitable for a sketch or story, nice linguistic flukes the likes of which I had never experienced before. I lie there repeating these words to myself and find that they are excellent. Presently they鈥檙e joined by others, I鈥檓 at once wide-awake, sit up and grab paper and pencil from the table behind my bed. It was as though a vein had burst inside me 鈥� one word follows another, they connect with one another and turn into situations; scenes pile on top of other scenes, actions and dialogue well up in my brain, and a wonderful sense of pleasure takes hold of me. I write as if possessed, filling one page after another without a moment鈥檚 pause. My thoughts strike me so suddenly and continue to pour out so abundantly that I lose a lot of minor details I鈥檓 not able to write down fast enough, though I am working at full blast. They continue to crowd in on me, I am full of my subject, and every word I write is put in my mouth.
The devil only knew why you had to be turned into a veritable freak just because of hunger! I experienced rage once more, its final flare-up, a spasm鈥ere I was, with a head on my shoulders without its equal in the whole country, and with a pair of fists, by golly, that could grind the town porter to fine dust, and yet I was turning into a freak from hunger, right here in the city of Kristiania!Yet the idea of begging, or even asking, for help is anathema to him. He needs no help, he will accept no charity.
Rotten Patches were beginning to appear in my inner being, black spongy growths that were spreading more and more. And God sat in his heaven keeping a watchful eye on me, making sure that my destruction took place according to all the rules of the game, slowly and steadily, with no letup. But in the pit of hell the devils were raising their hackles in fury because it was taking me such a long time to commit a cardinal sin, an unforgivable sin for which God in his righteousness had to cast me down.God plotting against him, Satan awed by his retraint in the face of such trials, and the world too stupid to recognize his worth. This psychological profile is fascinating stuff.
鈥淟a locura se apodera rabiosa de mi cerebro y yo se lo permito, soy muy consciente de que estoy sometido a influencias sobre las que no tengo ning煤n control鈥�Estamos presos de nuestro temperamento, de nuestro car谩cter, de nuestras capacidades, de nuestros esquemas mentales, no siempre reconocibles, de nuestras pulsiones interiores, no siempre conscientes y, por tanto y a menudo, fuera de nuestro control. No siempre sabemos por qu茅 sentimos lo que sentimos, por qu茅 de repente cambia ese sentimiento, por qu茅 nos arrepentimos tan pronto de reacciones que nos parecieron tan adecuadas en su momento, por qu茅 reaccionamos de la manera que lo hacemos, de forma tan impropia, llegamos a pensar, de nosotros mismos. Como al protagonista sin nombre de la novela, parece que es el mero azar, la pura aleatoriedad mental, la que protagoniza en ocasiones nuestra psique. No controlamos nuestro destino. Nos enga帽amos, nos mentimos, nos justificamos. Pobres de nosotros.
鈥淗e hecho un intento de escribir鈥� un libro sobre las delicadas oscilaciones de una vulnerable alma humana, sobre esa extra帽a vida de la mente, sobre los misterios de los nervios en un cuerpo consumido por el hambre.鈥�
It is as if a score of diminutive gnome-like insects set their heads on one side and gnawed for a little, then laid their heads on the other side and gnawed a little more, then lay quite still for a moment鈥檚 space, and then began afresh, boring noiselessly in, and without any haste, and left empty spaces everywhere after them as they went on.However, despite this unbearable burden of abject poverty and indeterminate survival, he releases episodes into his life that brings one of the foremost teachings of my father, rushing to my mind. My baba, as I address him, maintained that one can live without food for days, without peace for hours and without air for minutes but one cannot live without dignity and self-respect for even a second.
" 兀賳鬲 兀賮賯乇 賲賳 兀賳 賷賰賵賳 賱賰 囟賲賷乇貙 兀賳鬲 噩丕卅毓 "
"賵賰賳鬲 賮賷 卮丿丞 丕賱噩賵毓 丕賱賴丕卅賱丞貙 賮鬲賳丕賵賱鬲 賯胤毓丞 禺卮亘 賲賳 丕賱胤乇賷賯 兀賱賵賰賴丕 賮賷 賮賲賷貙 賵賯丿 兀賮丕丿鬲賳賷 亘丕賱賮毓賱貙 賮賰賷賮 兀賳賷 賱賲 兀賮賰乇 賮賷賴丕 賲賳 賯亘賱!"
" 賵賲乇鬲 亘賷 毓乇亘丞 鬲爻賷乇 亘亘胤亍貙 賮廿匕丕 賴賷 賲丨賲賱丞 亘丕賱亘胤丕胤丕貙 賮禺胤乇 賱賷 賲賳 卮丿丞 丕賱丨賳賯 賵賱賲噩乇丿 丕賱賲卮丕賰爻丞 賵丕賱毓賳丕丿 賵兀賯賵賱 兀賳 賲丕 毓賱賷賴丕 賱賷爻 亘胤丕胤丕貙 亘賱 賴賵 賲賱賮賵賮. 賵兀賯爻賲鬲 賵兀睾賱馗鬲 丕賱賯爻賲 兀賳賴 賲賱賮賵賮貙 賵爻賲毓鬲 賲賯丕賱賷 賰賱賲丞 賰賱賲丞貙 賵馗賱賱锟斤拷 兀丐賰丿 賴匕丕 丕賱賰匕亘 亘丕賱賯爻賲貙 賵兀賳丕 賵丕毓賺 兀賳賳賷 兀賰匕亘 賵兀賯爻賲貙 賱丕 卮賷亍 廿賱丕 賱兀卮賮賷 睾賱賷賱賸丕 賮賷 賳賮爻賷 亘丕乇鬲賰丕亘 廿孬賲 丕賱賷賲賷賳 丕賱賰丕匕亘丞. 賵兀丨爻爻鬲 亘賳卮賵賷丞 賱廿鬲賷丕賳賷 賴匕丕 丕賱匕賳亘 丕賱匕賷 賱丕 賲孬賷賱 賱賴貙 賮乇賮毓鬲 孬賱丕孬 兀氐丕亘毓 賵兀賯爻賲鬲 亘卮賮鬲賷賳 賲囟胤乇亘鬲賷賳貙 亘丕爻賲 丕賱兀亘 賵丕賱丕亘賳 賵丕賱乇賵丨 丕賱賯丿爻貙 兀賳 賲丕 兀乇丕賴 賴賵 賲賱賮賵賮 賱丕 亘胤丕胤丕 "