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Duck Farm Quotes
Quotes tagged as "duck-farm"
Showing 1-30 of 32
“I once played golf. That day I caught five new ducks to add to my farm collection.”
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
― To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“Both a rose and a cactus have thorns, and while the rose may say, "I love you," the cactus says, "Fuck off." I think that's important to remember, and it's the ideal way to farm ducks.”
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Sometimes my kitchen sink doubles as a duck pond. Problem is, I can't exactly move my diving board, so I have to relocate Greg Louganis Hour to another slot, like one on the toaster.”
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“My duck farm is my side hustle. Only, there's no hustle in my side hustle. It's more like a gentle saunter, or even a waddle.”
― Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
― Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“I walk my ducks into their pen every evening. I saunter, and they sprint in front of me. Each knows to not deviate from the group's direction, because if one gets out of line I make it do push-ups.”
― Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
― Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“Life isn't about winning or losing. Between those two extremes there is a middle ground, and that middle ground is where I let my ducks roam and graze on and lay their eggs—which are now ON SALE at Trophies For All prices.”
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Why did I start duck farming? Because these are the days of decay, after the days of decadence. The first is a result of the second.”
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Duck farming is a 24/7 thing. But that's OK, because I'm a caffeine junky. I'm also addicted to cheese. Why does alcoholism get classified as a disease, but I get no sympathy for fiending for brie?”
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Your golf course is my duck farm. I am The John Daly of raising avians.”
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“The PGA has transitioned from three letters into five: LGBTQ. For me, real progress in golf would mean turning all the courses into duck farms.”
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Why aren’t more news articles written about duck farms? Is it because the end product doesn’t produce obscene violence? It’s true, people do stab each other over spicy chicken sandwiches, but think of the savagery over my eggs that’ll take place when all that’s left in the grocery store is Beyond Meat.”
― One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
― One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
“To collect rainwater on your duck farm, dig a ditch and line it with empty taco shells. It’s not the best solution, but it’s better than the alternative, which is Italian food.”
― One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
― One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
“A pond is just a giant bowl of Rain Soup. BearPaw Duck Farm has one that's one quarter full, or three quarters empty, depending on if you are a realist or a realist. I myself am a realist, which is like a pessimist's pessimist.”
― BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
― BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“A slap is a high-five to a face. People are so selfish these days that they could really benefit from that kind of support. Here on my duck farm, I provide that service to select customers for FREE.”
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I own the world’s first Meme Farm that also raises ducks. I teach them how to swim. But not the ducks, because they are born knowing that water skill.”
― BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
― BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“Winter reminds me of that one time I went ice fishing. I caught a few beers. But I had to throw them back, because they were just babies. On this duck farm I only drink geriatric fermented barley.”
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“How do you catch Ozarks fog in a net? It’s like fishing for silence. Teach a man to grow quiet, and he'll starve for the rest of his life. That's why I farm ducks, because trees have feelings, too.”
― BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
― BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“The only way to kill a holographic squiblob is to shoot it with a light-beam arrow. Come on, man. You'd know that if you'd take off your virtual reality goggles and start living in the real world. I have space FOR RENT here on my duck farm.”
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“While it seems like I did just outright claim to be The Duck Farming Champion, it’s not an entirely baseless claim, because I followed up that bold statement with actual action: I went to The Trophy Store, and for ONLY $19.95, I made my title official. Now I have a gold-colored medal to prove it.”
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“No matter how expert I become, even on my own duck farm, I want to wear a name tag that says "Trainee." Customers are more patient when they think you are just beginning the learning process. Plus, it's easier to dazzle them when they have zero expectations.”
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Just down the road from my duck farm, thieves broke into a local bookstore and stole shelves of literature. The police are still trying to get a read on the situation.”
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I am king over my ducks. What does that mean? That means they get to eat and drink and play, and give no thought to where their food and water comes from, and I have to deliver both regularly, while also worrying about protecting them and keeping them absolutely safe.”
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
― Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“We are duck farmers. We are The Overlooked. The most glamorous type of farmer is the cattle rancher, because they were made famous by cowboys. But people forget the humble duck farmer, and last time I checked, cows don’t lay eggs needed to bake superior cakes.”
― World Farming Championship
― World Farming Championship
“When I'm on a backhoe, I'm shaping clay. I am a sculptor. I am a farm artist.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“I'm growing as a person. I'm self-farming. That's the highest form of farming, even greater than being a duck farmer, which, as you can imagine, is pretty great.”
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“The old saying is true: You are who you associate with. That makes me 72 ducks.”
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“It was a foggy morning, and those are always full of mystery. I had Miss Marple watch my ducks, so the whole scene became a Murder-Free Zone.”
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“Bubble baths are good. But why not soak your body in aqua infused with sonic waves provided by waterproof speakers pulsing the healing music of Enya? That's what my ducks swim in, and that's why they taste like Amelia Earhart's final flight.”
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“Earth, water, and sky—ducks are birds of those three elements. And their passion for play embodies the fourth—fire.”
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“I took up duck farming in The Ozarks in 2020. I guess I did it mainly because the YMCA Aquatic Center in Orlando was operating at full occupancy with a geriatric aerobics class, and the instructor wouldn't let me ride my unicycle in the pool.”
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
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