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“I've never had a spicy chicken sandwich worth getting stabbed over. But that's the kind of organic marketing experience I'd like to bring to duck farming.”
― Jarod Kintz, One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production

“Poe is to poetry what I am to duck farming. You can quote me on that. And if that’s not good enough, you can go quote a raven.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“Duck farming has taught me that my day-to-day thinking changes in a gradient that's subtle and unnoticeable when observed in 24-hour blocks, but becomes obvious when seen in longer time frames. In the past two years I've changed from pink to blue, but it was all purple to me.”
― Jarod Kintz, Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“Sometimes my kitchen sink doubles as a duck pond. Problem is, I can't exactly move my diving board, so I have to relocate Greg Louganis Hour to another slot, like one on the toaster.”
― Jarod Kintz, Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“Why did I start duck farming? Because these are the days of decay, after the days of decadence. The first is a result of the second.”
― Jarod Kintz, Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“Duck farming is a 24/7 thing. But that's OK, because I'm a caffeine junky. I'm also addicted to cheese. Why does alcoholism get classified as a disease, but I get no sympathy for fiending for brie?”
― Jarod Kintz, Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“I’m a duck farmer, and that’s not something you go to school to be. If you did, there certainly wouldn’t be any kickball classes.”
― Jarod Kintz, Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“I’m a duck farmer, and I’m trying to raise them to be productive members of society. It’s hard, because so many of them seem to want to join a gang.”
― Jarod Kintz, BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight

“I'm too busy duck farming to watch many movies, so I don't know: Is it ScarFace, or is it ScarfAce? Either way, I am a knitting gangster.”
― Jarod Kintz, Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“When people think about farmers, they think about people who grow things. Well, I'm a duck farmer, and what I grow is impatient waiting for some committee to recognize duck farming as an Olympic sport.”
― Jarod Kintz, Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“A bicycle rode itself to my house, where I gave it swimming lessons at 15 bucks an hour. So it paid me 37 cents, before telling me I should write a book on Duck Farming.”
― Jarod Kintz, BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight

“If I give my all to becoming wealthy, and take no thought to being charitable, all I’ll wind up with in the end is the wind. I'd rather be The Dandelion of Love, and trade a present for one for a future for more than a few. That's why I started duck farming.”
― Jarod Kintz, Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“I am king over my ducks. What does that mean? That means they get to eat and drink and play, and give no thought to where their food and water comes from, and I have to deliver both regularly, while also worrying about protecting them and keeping them absolutely safe.”
― Jarod Kintz, Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“We are duck farmers. We are The Overlooked. The most glamorous type of farmer is the cattle rancher, because they were made famous by cowboys. But people forget the humble duck farmer, and last time I checked, cows don’t lay eggs needed to bake superior cakes.”
― Jarod Kintz, World Farming Championship