Sign in with Facebook
Humour Quotes
Quotes tagged as "humour"
Showing 181-210 of 7,886
“I remember Peyton [Manning] called me as soon as I got out to Denver. He started the conversation by asking me, ‘When did you get in?â€� We mainly just talked to get familiar with each other.”
― Playing Ball: Life Lessons from My Journey to the Super Bowl and Beyond
― Playing Ball: Life Lessons from My Journey to the Super Bowl and Beyond
“Maybe you could be mine / or maybe we’ll be entwined / aimless in this sexless foreplay.”
― EyeLeash: A Blog Novel
― EyeLeash: A Blog Novel
“You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'
IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.
IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
'What if she cuts herself?'
THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.”
― Hogfather
IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.
IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
'What if she cuts herself?'
THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.”
― Hogfather
“Charlie said your friend’s disappeared,â€� chirped Wendy.
“No, he hasn’t.� Adam denied it. “He’s in the house. Now, look, what’s all this you’ve been telling them?�
“Nothing, I haven’t told them anything.� Charlie looked drunk.
“He said you’ve turned your friend into a crayfish,� insisted Wendy.
“He’s always making little jokes like that, and you fell for it. How am I supposed to do that, for heaven’s sake?� Adam was angry.
“With your little book you found. What’s that under your arm?”
― Get Rich or Get Lucky
“No, he hasn’t.� Adam denied it. “He’s in the house. Now, look, what’s all this you’ve been telling them?�
“Nothing, I haven’t told them anything.� Charlie looked drunk.
“He said you’ve turned your friend into a crayfish,� insisted Wendy.
“He’s always making little jokes like that, and you fell for it. How am I supposed to do that, for heaven’s sake?� Adam was angry.
“With your little book you found. What’s that under your arm?”
― Get Rich or Get Lucky
“For a terrifying moment I thought he was going to hug me, but fortunately we both remembered we were English just in time. Still, it was a close call.”
― Moon Over Soho
― Moon Over Soho
“My point is that I am going to figure this out, like I always do. First, we’re going to find a way to get into Artemisia. We’re going to find Cress and rescue Cinder and Wolf. We’re going to overthrow Levana, and by the stars above, we are going to make Cinder a queen so she can pay us a lot of money from her royal coffers and we can all retire very rich and very alive, got it?"
Winter started to clap. "Brilliant speech. Such gumption and bravado."
"And yet strangely lacking in any sort of actual strategy," said Scarlet.
"Oh, good, I'm glad you noticed that too," said Iko. "I was worried my processor might be glitching.”
― Winter
Winter started to clap. "Brilliant speech. Such gumption and bravado."
"And yet strangely lacking in any sort of actual strategy," said Scarlet.
"Oh, good, I'm glad you noticed that too," said Iko. "I was worried my processor might be glitching.”
― Winter
“Our relationship wasn't the sun, the moon, the stars, but it wasn't bullshit, either.”
― This Is How You Lose Her
― This Is How You Lose Her
“I like the way you've let your hair go curly," he finally said. "Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,"
Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum”
― One for the Money
Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum”
― One for the Money
“Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You'd have a chance at least. You could lie there thinking: Well, at least I'm not dead.”
― Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
― Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
“All worthy work is open to interpretations the author did not intend. Art isn't your pet -- it's your kid. It grows up and talks back to you.”
―
―
“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”
― To All the Boys I've Loved Before
― To All the Boys I've Loved Before
“Please, amigo. We need you, Kimosabe, O Mighty Powerful One. We need you more than the earth rises in the west."
The sun rises in the east, dickhead."
Only if you're standing on the earth. If you're on the moon, the earth rises in the west.”
― Rules of Attraction
The sun rises in the east, dickhead."
Only if you're standing on the earth. If you're on the moon, the earth rises in the west.”
― Rules of Attraction
“Plants are more courageous than almost all human beings: an orange tree would rather die than produce lemons, whereas instead of dying the average person would rather be someone they are not.”
―
―
“The man had a smooth voice, like velvet. “I’m Detective Inspector Me. Unusual name, I know. My family were incredibly
narcissistic. I’m lucky I escaped with any degree of humility at all, to be honest, but then I’ve always managed to exceed expectations. You are Kenny Dunne, are you not?�
“I am.�
“Just a few questions for you, Mr Dunne. Or Kenny. Can I call you Kenny? I feel we’ve become friends these past few seconds. Can I call you Kenny?�
“Sure,� Kenny said, slightly baffled.
“Thank you. Thank you very much. It’s important you feel comfortable around me, Kenny. It’s important we build up a level of trust. That way I’ll catch you completely unprepared when I
suddenly accuse you of murder.”
― Death Bringer
narcissistic. I’m lucky I escaped with any degree of humility at all, to be honest, but then I’ve always managed to exceed expectations. You are Kenny Dunne, are you not?�
“I am.�
“Just a few questions for you, Mr Dunne. Or Kenny. Can I call you Kenny? I feel we’ve become friends these past few seconds. Can I call you Kenny?�
“Sure,� Kenny said, slightly baffled.
“Thank you. Thank you very much. It’s important you feel comfortable around me, Kenny. It’s important we build up a level of trust. That way I’ll catch you completely unprepared when I
suddenly accuse you of murder.”
― Death Bringer
“She told me later that her parents had told her to steer clear of me at school.
"My mum said that nobody really knew where you came from. And that you might be dangerous." "Why didn't you listen to her?" I asked.
"Because nobody knew where you came from, Simon! And you might be dangerous!"
"You have the worst survival instincts."
"Also, I felt sorry for you," she said. "You were holding your wand backwards.”
― Carry On
"My mum said that nobody really knew where you came from. And that you might be dangerous." "Why didn't you listen to her?" I asked.
"Because nobody knew where you came from, Simon! And you might be dangerous!"
"You have the worst survival instincts."
"Also, I felt sorry for you," she said. "You were holding your wand backwards.”
― Carry On
“For Children: You will need to know the difference between Friday and a fried egg. It's quite a simple difference, but an important one. Friday comes at the end of the week, whereas a fried egg comes out of a chicken. Like most things, of course, it isn't quite that simple. The fried egg isn't properly a fried egg until it's been put in a frying pan and fried. This is something you wouldn't do to a Friday, of course, though you might do it on a Friday. You can also fry eggs on a Thursday, if you like, or on a cooker. It's all rather complicated, but it makes a kind of sense if you think about it for a while.”
― The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
― The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
“I love you all, even those I don’t particularly like. That’s you, Beryl.”
― Skulduggery Pleasant
― Skulduggery Pleasant
“You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs any more," said Yo-less. "It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons.”
― Johnny and the Bomb
― Johnny and the Bomb
“My congratulations to you, sir. Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good. ”
―
―
“Now-what’s our game plan?â€�
Coach Hedge belched. He’d already had three espressos and a plate of doughnuts, along with two napkins and another flower from the vase on the table. He would’ve eaten the silverware, except Piper had slapped his hand.
“Climb the mountain,� Hedge said. “Kill everything except Piper’s dad. Leave.�
“Thank you General Eisenhower,â€� Jason grumbles.”
― The Lost Hero
Coach Hedge belched. He’d already had three espressos and a plate of doughnuts, along with two napkins and another flower from the vase on the table. He would’ve eaten the silverware, except Piper had slapped his hand.
“Climb the mountain,� Hedge said. “Kill everything except Piper’s dad. Leave.�
“Thank you General Eisenhower,â€� Jason grumbles.”
― The Lost Hero
All Quotes
|
My Quotes
|
Add A Quote
Browse By Tag
- Love Quotes 99.5k
- Life Quotes 78k
- Inspirational Quotes 74.5k
- Humor Quotes 44.5k
- Philosophy Quotes 30.5k
- Inspirational Quotes Quotes 27.5k
- God Quotes 26.5k
- Truth Quotes 24k
- Wisdom Quotes 24k
- Romance Quotes 23.5k
- Poetry Quotes 22.5k
- Life Lessons Quotes 20.5k
- Death Quotes 20.5k
- Happiness Quotes 19k
- Quotes Quotes 18.5k
- Hope Quotes 18k
- Faith Quotes 18k
- Inspiration Quotes 17k
- Spirituality Quotes 15.5k
- Religion Quotes 15k
- Motivational Quotes 15k
- Writing Quotes 15k
- Relationships Quotes 15k
- Life Quotes Quotes 14.5k
- Love Quotes Quotes 14.5k
- Success Quotes 13.5k
- Time Quotes 12.5k
- Motivation Quotes 12.5k
- Science Quotes 12k
- Motivational Quotes Quotes 11.5k
