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“We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's liberating. But we also know it's not an easy concept. -He's not just into you”
― Greg Behrendt

“When did you get so smart?"
He tapped his forehead. "Brain transplant. They put in a whale's. I'm passing all my classes with my eyes closed now, but I just can't get over this craving for krill." He shrugged. "And I feel sorry for the whale that got my brain. Probably swimming around Florida now trying to catch glimpses of girls in bikinis.”
― Maggie Stiefvater, Lament: The Faerie Queen's Deception

“Finally, the intercom crackles and Hatmitch's acerbic laugh fills the studio. He contains himself just long enough to say, 'And that, my friends, is how a revolution dies.”
― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

“Try patting them on the back or shoulder and telling them everything is going to be fine. Lots of times when girls cry, they don't want you to fix the problem, they just want to be consoled.”
― Kiera Cass, The Selection

“My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“She was an idiot. An adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet, sexy idiot.”
― Sarah Mayberry, Her Best Friend

“Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!”
― Eoin Colfer, The Atlantis Complex

“An old battleax of a woman said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband I would put poison in your tea." Churchill's response, "Ma'am if you were my wife I would drink it.”
― Winston S. Churchill

“In a traditional German toilet, the hole into which shit disappears after we flush is right at the front, so that shit is first laid out for us to sniff and inspect for traces of illness. In the typical French toilet, on the contrary, the hole is at the back, i.e. shit is supposed to disappear as quickly as possible. Finally, the American (Anglo-Saxon) toilet presents a synthesis, a mediation between these opposites: the toilet basin is full of water, so that the shit floats in it, visible, but not to be inspected. [...] It is clear that none of these versions can be accounted for in purely utilitarian terms: each involves a certain ideological perception of how the subject should relate to excrement. Hegel was among the first to see in the geographical triad of Germany, France and England an expression of three different existential attitudes: reflective thoroughness (German), revolutionary hastiness (French), utilitarian pragmatism (English). In political terms, this triad can be read as German conservatism, French revolutionary radicalism and English liberalism. [...] The point about toilets is that they enable us not only to discern this triad in the most intimate domain, but also to identify its underlying mechanism in the three different attitudes towards excremental excess: an ambiguous contemplative fascination; a wish to get rid of it as fast as possible; a pragmatic decision to treat it as ordinary and dispose of it in an appropriate way. It is easy for an academic at a round table to claim that we live in a post-ideological universe, but the moment he visits the lavatory after the heated discussion, he is again knee-deep in ideology.”
― Slavoj Žižek, The Plague of Fantasies

“To whomever swapped my tattoo cream for toothpaste........ well played.”
― R.D. Ronald

“My grandmother said, ‘It doesn’t really matter where you had to go, where you got the ring, or where you played the Super Bowl, all that matters is that you put in the work, you deserved it, and you earned it.”
― Vernon Davis, Playing Ball: Life Lessons from My Journey to the Super Bowl and Beyond

“This faulty light fitting at the front door with the dangerously flickering bulb looks rather festive. Who says I don't do Christmas?”
― R.D. Ronald

“Today I plan to smile a lot, only so people who know me will be freaked the fuck out.”
― R.D. Ronald

“People who can change and change again are so much more reliable and happier than those who can’t”
― Stephen Fry, Moab Is My Washpot

“If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead.”
― Jess C Scott, Rockstar

“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.”
― Dave Barry

“The only thing worse than having a party that no one attends is having a party attended only by two vastly, deeply uninteresting people.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Color of Magic

“Morning, noon & bloody night,
Seven sodding days a week,
I slave at filthy WORK, that might
Be done by any book-drunk freak.
This goes on until I kick the bucket.
FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT”
― Philip Larkin, Philip Larkin: Letters to Monica

“There was a family joke that Lucy's first words were, "Nicholas is bugging me!”
― Alyxandra Harvey, My Love Lies Bleeding

“Is he all scarred now?â€�

“Magic gets rid of most physical scars, but I like to think I scarred him emotionally.”
― Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

“Sure you can manage that broom, Potter?" said a cold, drawling voice.
Draco Malfoy had arrived for a closer look, Crabbe and Goyle right behind him.
"Yeah, reckon so," said Harry casually.
"Got plenty of special features, hasn't it?" said Malfoy, eyes glittering maliciously. "Shame it doesn't come with a parachute - in case you get too near a Dementor."
Crabbe and Goyle sniggered.
"Pity you can't attach an extra arm to yours, Malfoy," said Harry. "Then it could catch the Snitch for you.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

“I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Why are you so weird?"
"Because my weird has to be able to cancel out your weird, Lady Cross-stitch."
"At least what I do is considered an art form."
"Yes, in ye olde medieal Europse you would've been quite the catch-”
― Alexandra Bracken, The Darkest Minds

“I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Simon: You're in a dangerous line of work, Jayne. Odds are you'll be under my knife again, often. So I want you to understand one thing very clearly: No matter what you do or say or plot, no matter how you come down on us, I will never, ever harm you. You're on this table, you're safe... 'cause I'm your medic. And however little we may like or trust each other, we're on the same crew. Got the same troubles, same enemies, and more than enough of both. Now, we could circle each other and growl, sleep with one eye open, but that thought wearies me. I don't care what you've done, I don't know what you're planning on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think you should do the same. 'Cause I don't see this working any other way.
River: Also, I can kill you with my brain.”
― Ben Edlund

“Hypocrite: The man who murdered his parents, and then pleaded for mercy on the grounds that he was an orphan.”
― Abraham Lincoln

“I'll go," he said.
"And that's safer because?"
"I'm a guy."
"Right, and having a pair of dingle balls makes you invincible how?”
― Gemma Halliday, Deadly Cool

“Angela spared a glare for Kami, and then resumed her marathon glaring session at Jared. 'It's too weird. I'm going to call you Carl.'
Jared scowled. 'I don't want you to call me Carl.'
'That's interesting, Carl,' said Angela, cheering up.”
― Sarah Rees Brennan, Unspoken

“Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives.”
― Amy Sedaris, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence