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“It's too bad GIFs are silent, because I recorded some original saxophone music to accompany my newest masterpiece. It sounds like ducks quacking on the moon, and if you've got an empty elevator that needs space to be filled, it's now FOR SALE.”
― Jarod Kintz, BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight

“I can teach you how to dance, but I can't teach you how to be sexy. Well, I mean I can, but it'll cost you an additional $19.95.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“I haven’t sold Spinning Death Kicks Disguised As Reading A Book Quietly since my third grade teacher confiscated all my camouflage material. She also snatched away my Duck Quacks In A Can (with 50% more flavor).”
― Jarod Kintz, Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“Tourists are as fleeting as holographic butterflies. The only thing permanent in this world is my Leftover Meatloaf. Branson needs to quickly learn this before I'm completely SOLD OUT.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“Your orange fanny pack reminds me of my Leftover Meatloaf Holder. I wear it when I work out or make love. My incredible level of romance can be rented by you for the unbelievably low price of $14.95 per hour.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“Knocking on a door is so violent. Instead, try talking to the door to get it to open up to you. I should write a self-help book for door-to-door salesmen.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“I deal in the ideal idea, which is love. I buy, sell, and trade—and I’m willing to lose to win.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“Women judge you by how much money you make and how prestigious your job title. That's why when women ask me what I do for a living, I tell them I'm a platinum salesman, and I source catalytic converters for discrete buyers.”
― Jarod Kintz, I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge

“I sell REAL donut holes. Unlike those fake donut holes, that are composed entirely of donut, my donut holes are made of 100% pure emptiness. There's nothing there, and THAT is how you know you've bought an authentic donut hole.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“Sales is a hard way to make money, trying to convince people to willingly pay you for a product or service. I prefer making money the old-fashioned way, by extortion, like the government does.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“These are all common principles of salesmanship. The most ignorant peddler applies them. Yet the salesman-in-print very often forgets them. He talks about his interest. He blazons a name, as though that was of importance. His phrase is, “Drive people to the stores,â€� and that is his attitude in everything he says. People can be coaxed but not driven. Whatever they do they do to please themselves. Many fewer mistakes would be made in advertising if these facts were never forgotten.”
― Claude C. Hopkins, Scientific Advertising

“M.C. Escher called. He wanted to sell me some upside-down stairs. I said I already have a few, and then I got him to buy an upwalking slinky.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Walmart told me I couldn't buy beer on Sunday. They said it was Arkansas state law. So, I didn't pay for it and I walked out with a six pack. I'm glad they made booze FREE one day a week.”
― Jarod Kintz, Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

“Capital must be stewarded â€� it must be acted upon with a spirit of responsibility.”
― Hendrith Vanlon Smith Jr, Business for Beginners: Getting Started

“Implementation, not ideas, is the key to real success.”
― Chet Holmes, The Ultimate Sales Machine: Turbocharge Your Business with Relentless Focus on 12 Key Strategies

“History is histrionic. Nothing much was happening, so historians had to fictionalize events to sell books.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music

“People don’t just buy products today; they also buy visions of a better tomorrow.”
― Steve Multer

“if you worry about taking care of the customer, you never have to worry about money.”
― Rob Liano

“Our online service search engine makes it easy to find and purchase the services you need. With a simple search, you can compare options, read reviews, and buy services from trusted providers.”
― Deliuse

“We can't allow our need for sales to cause us to vomit our business on our people.”
― Kyle Draper, Rethink Everything: You “Know" About Social Media

“Hunt for sharks, but do not forget to develop your survival skills on small fish.”
― Zuber Palawkar, Do Epic Sales: The Secret to Become a Successful Sales Professional

“Sell yourself by offering what you have into the heart of people, even for free; in the process of time, it will pave the way for your unlimited profit.”
― Daniel ANIKOR

“Many big corporations have offloaded their assets for a fraction of what they are worth as a way to minimize loss”
― David Sikhosana

“The salesman told Anna that it was pointless to try to rip off his customers, because of everything a Sichuanese person must have gone through in order to accumulate enough money for a Porsche. “The people who are capable of buying luxury cars have exhausted every means to earn profits and they have coped with all kinds of people,â€� he said. “It’s impossible to deceive them.”
― Peter Hessler

“Be so good they want to fight you.”
― Michael Jagdeo

“The only reason you look
Into my eyes is to
see your own reflection.”
― Richard Kiernecki

“A pre-recorded message, timed to go off just as the crowd was reaching a fever pitch. A way to get them to take that one step further and push them from civility and into madness. Stocks are running out. Stocks are running out. STOCKS ARE RUNNING OUT.”
― Joshua Krook, Black Friday 2050: The powerful psychological thriller set in a terrifying high-tech future

“Your elevator pitch is not an opportunity for you to sell your products and services, rather an opportunity to sell yourself.”
― Isaac Mashman, Personal Branding: A Manifesto on Fame and Influence

“Those who don’t take marketing seriously, won’t be taken seriously by the market.”
― Curtis Tyrone Jones

“If you don't care about your brand, why should I?”
― Mitta Xinindlu