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“There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It's been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls.”
― Janet Evanovich

“Babe," Ranger said. "You're looking a little strung out. Is there anything I should know?"
I'm on a sugar withdrawal. I've given up desert and it's all I can think about." That had been true five minutes ago. Now that Ranger was standng in front of me I was thinking a cupcake wasn't what I actually needed.
Maybe I can help you get your mind off doughnuts," Ranger said.
My mouth dropped open, and I think some drool might have dribbled out.”
― Janet Evanovich

“Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early."
-Ranger”
― Janet Evanovich, Lean Mean Thirteen

“Stephanie had no problem doing what she
was told, just so long as she was given a good reason why she
should.”
― Derek Landy

“Ranger clicked his penlight on. "Hang onto me if you can't see."
I curled my hand into the back of his cargo pants just above his gun belt. "I'm good to go."
He was still for a beat. "You could have held on to my jacket," he said.
"Would you rather I do that?"
"No. Not even a little.”
― Janet Evanovich, Sizzling Sixteen

“If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to get me drunk," I said to Ranger.
"Not drunk," Ranger said. "Just relaxed and naked.”
― Janet Evanovich, Sizzling Sixteen

“Joe" I said. "It's Stephanie."
"Does this involve death?"
"Not yet."
"Does this involve sex?"
"Not yet."
"I can't imagine why else you'd be calling me.”
― Janet Evanovich, Four to Score

“Are we fighting?" I asked Morelli.
"No. Were discussing."
"Are you sure?"
"Am I yelling?" Morelli asked. "Is my face purple? Are the cords on my neck standing out? Am I waving my arms around?"
"No."
"The were not fighting.”
― Janet Evanovich, Sizzling Sixteen

“You can run, but you can't hide, Cupcake." Morelli said. "I'll find you."
"You are such a cop."
"Tell me about it.”
― Janet Evanovich, Ten Big Ones

“Does your mother know that you're carrying a gun? I'm going to tell her. I'm going to call and tell her right now."

She sent me a look of utter disgust and slammed the front door. I was 30-year-old and Mrs Morelli was going to tell my mother on me. Only in the burgh.”
― Janet Evanovich, One for the Money

“Morelli grabbed the front of my shirt, pulled me to him, and kissed me.
It was a great kiss, but I didn't know what the heck it meant. It seemed to me a breaking up kiss would have had less tongue.”
― Janet Evanovich, Ten Big Ones

“I'm going to brush my hair and change my clothes if we're going out. That gives you two ten minutes to get it out of your system, so I'm not stuck with a couple of frustrated horndogs all day. But no pressure," she added on a laugh as she swung out of the room and started upstairs.”
― Lynsay Sands, The Reluctant Vampire

“As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked inside and stopped breathing for a beat. "That's a rocket launcher!" "Yep," Lula said. "It's a big boy. I got it at a yard sale in the projects.”
― Janet Evanovich, Explosive Eighteen

“Were really screwed up, aren't we?"
"In a very large way.”
― Janet Evanovich, Sizzling Sixteen

“I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted.
She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said.
I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.”
― Janet Evanovich, Finger Lickin' Fifteen

“You're not used to early mornings, are you?"
He shook his head. "Early mornings were invented by the system to keep the people occupied. But not me. I'm on to them. They're not gonna catch me napping. Metaphorically, like. Obviously, they can catch me physically napping like, four or five times a day, but, metaphorically, I am so far beyond their reach.”
― Derek Landy, The Dying of the Light

“Cow," Tanith muttered, and that was it, the floodgates opened, and Stephanie doubled over with laughter that echoed throughout the warehouse. Tanith pointed at Stephanie and backed away. "Skulduggery, she's not being professional!”
― Derek Landy

“Instead of time moving like sand slowly pouring through an hourglass, she felt as if the hourglass had cracked open and all the sand was quickly spilling out. She didn't know if it was her fear or if it was something else, but she kept losing moments.”
― Stephanie Garber, The Ballad of Never After

“I know it may not be an easy thing to do, but with the right person by their side, they can conquer anything.”
― Stephanie Kaleto, Disconsolate

“Pull yourself together," I told myself sternly. "You have to stay positive. You'll never make it if you give up.”
― Norah McClintock, Taken

“Du siehst aus, als könntest du ohnmächtig werden." Stephanie nickte bedächtig. "Ich bin noch nie ohnmächtig geworden, aber Sie könnten recht haben." "Soll ich dich auffangen, wenn du fällst, oder ...?" "Wenn es Ihnen nichts ausmacht." "Ãœberhaupt nicht." "Danke." Stephanie schenkte ihm ein schiefes Lächeln, dann wurde ihr schwarz vor Augen und sie spürte, wie sie fiel. Das Letzte, was sie sah, war Skuldugerry Pleasant, der quer durchs Zimmer auf sie zuhechtete.”
― Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

“All my adult life I've hidden behind mascara. And if I'm really insecure, I add eyeliner. (Stephanie, Chapter 10)”
― Janet Evanovich, Hard Eight

“I'd tell them that it gets better. That they may not be able to beat death when their time comes, but they can beat death in life. I know it may not be an easy thing to do, but with the right person by their side they can conquer anything.”
― Stephanie Kaleto, Disconsolate

“This couldn't be how their story ended.

Evangeline knew that Jacks had told her heroes didn't get happy endings. But that didn't mean they were supposed to give them to the villains.”
― Stephanie Garber, A Curse for True Love