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“I am the Mister Rogers Bannister of swimming coaches for ducks. My services are available in underwater vending machines in ponds all across The Ozarks.”
― Jarod Kintz, BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight

“Sunsets and mirrors are great for looking back, but our love belongs to the sunrise. Let the orange glow over The Ozarks fade into the deep blue mystery that is our romance.”
― Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“Time is fluid, like the wide sky that fades into bright orange in a sunset in The Ozarks. Here on my duck farm, every moment is meant to be sipped and savored like a slow mimosa.”
― Jarod Kintz, Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“There is no romance if there is no fog. When everything is clear, there's no element of mystery. In The Ozarks, mystique is ubiquitous.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Whoever said Romance is dead needs to meet me at The Ozarks Cemetery and help me get this thing to a hospital. It's coughing and cold, but we can still save it. I'll bring Duck Noodle Soup.”
― Jarod Kintz, BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight

“I describe The Ozarks as somewhere in the middle of enchanting and charming. I don't know where exactly, so let's call it encharming.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“On nights like this, I feel like Henry Rowe Schoolcraft as I venture into the wild. Henry made it his craft to school people about the area, becoming The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Big Cedar is Jackson Hole of The Ozarks. The easiest way to tell the difference between a buffalo and a bison is one has wings and tastes great with hot sauce, and the other is a Wyoming hamburger.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Time is fluid, like the wide sky that fades into bright orange in a sunset in The Ozarks. Every moment is meant to be sipped and savored like a slow mimosa.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Love makes the world go round. Too bad love doesn’t make the world go other shapes, like Table Rock Lake.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“In a Lake of Clouds, there's only one thing you can fish for: Dreams. Mostly I catch mine, but sometimes I catch yours, and I must say I am flattered to always see myself as the co-star in your subconscious fantasies.”
― Jarod Kintz, The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“People always ask me, they say, “Jarod, what do you do with your money?â€� Well, I base my financial decisions on the annual migratory patterns of Bigfoot, because maps are the new charts, as taught by the esteemed Ponce de Leon School of Youth, Wealth, and Duck Farming. Next time you’re in St. Augustine, Fl, or here in The Ozarks, you should stop on by and learn to become your own cartographer.”
― Jarod Kintz, Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

“In The Ozarks, where there isn't rock, there is clay. That makes those who use backhoes and dozers to shape the land sculptors.”
― Jarod Kintz, Powdered Saxophone Music