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�� 2 Stars *:･ﾟ��

"People spend so much time wondering why the women don't leave. Where are all the people who wonder why the men are even abusive? Isn't that where the only blame should be placed?"

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tw: graphic domestic violence, graphic attempted rape, suicide, depression, alcohol abuse, depression

Update: One of my ŷ������ friends brought to my attention: an article by domesticshelters.org that outlines the harmfulness of this book. Definitely worth the read.

I’ve rewritten this review three times now, and each time I’ve felt it necessary to lower my rating. I don’t intend for this to be a hot take. I’m not trying to be unique or quirky for disliking a popular book but every day I grow more and more concerned with the number of people who misinterpret and romanticize this book. There will be spoilers in this review.

I’d like to begin by acknowledging Colleen Hoover’s intent with this book and how I believe it is a serious problem.

Firstly, Colleen Hoover has expressed her disapproval and dislike for trigger warnings. She expressed that “as a fellow reader with my fair share of past experiences, I understand that there are issues some people do not want to read about. But as a writer, there are many things I don’t want revealed in the blurbs of my books.�� This is extremely irresponsible and inconsiderate of an author. Furthermore, this book has been and is marketed as a love triangle and Colleen Hoover employs the fact that Ryle is an abusive fucker as a plot-twist. In the author’s note, she states that “In the past, I’ve always said I write for entertainment purposes only. I don’t write to educate, persuade or inform. This book is different.�� Yet, she continues to format this more serious book, similarly.

Furthermore, although I understand that Colleen “wanted to write something realistic to the situation my mother was in �� a situation a lot of women find themselves in��, I feel that Ryle was very different to her father. This coming explanation is just my presumption and random thought process. I could have greatly misinterpreted what Colleen went through and I do not mean to be disrespectful. I do not doubt that domestic abuse can be very different, but I believe the fact that Colleen’s father was an alcoholic has a huge impact on her final opinion of him. One could argue that her father needed help, and that although he is to blame, it did not come purely from malintent and manipulation. I am not saying that he is redeemable by any means, only that part of the violence can be due to an unintentional factor. Ryle still ends up having custody over the baby. This is infuriating to me. But we see that she wrote it this way because Colleen still had a relationship with her abusive father after her mother divorced him. Then we have the way that Colleen's father continues to (in my opinion) manipulate her by showing kind, good aspects of himself, like agreeing and encouraging Colleen’s stepfather to walk her down the isle rather than him. Just a thought or something to possibly consider.

And in this book, we see Ryle presented as, not a bad person, instead, only a "person who does bad things". Now, I've been thinking about this line. I wonder if it was Colleen’s intention to have Ryle say this line to purposefully show how he manipulates Lily into having this mindset or if Colleen really does think this way. Ryle is indeed a bad person, and abuser who is irredeemable. I understand and agree that it is at times, difficult to label someone as “bad�� or “good�� as it is more complicated than that. But there comes a point, that person is a bad person (for instance, when he tries to horrifically rape her and guilt-tripped Lily with his trauma). Colleen attempts to evoke confliction in the reader by writing in that Ryle donates to charity. Yet, this is not enough. One donation does not make you a good person, especially when compared to the severe harm that you’ve caused others. I cannot believe that after Ryle attempted to rape Lily, there are still Ryle apologists out there. That moment was absolutely mortifying.

Regardless, the general plotline of this book is supposed to be that Ryle starts off as being a kind, loveable man with whom Lily and the reader fall in love with. But, his abusive and manipulative tendencies are slowly revealed until it becomes clear that he is an abuser and that this is a case of domestic abuse. However, from the beginning of the book, Ryle is already portrayed as a concerningly violent and manipulative man. We are introduced to his character when Lily finds him kicking a chair out of anger, something unacceptable and very worrying. Later on, he begs and successfully coerces Lily into having sex with him, purely and solely because he wants to. Unfortunately, at this point in the story, many people still like, possibly even love, Ryle. This is not the "turning point" per se. I’ve also recently seen many people criticizing Colleen Hoover’s ability to write a healthy relationship and I’m beginning to agree. Although I remember enjoying Ugly Love, it was certainly unhealthy, specifically in the way that our female main character was treated. Then I began to read "November 9" and was utterly mortified by the way Ben, our love interest, acted. There are plenty of reviews with quotes etc. that show how horribly and scarily Ben treated Fallon from the beginning, before the plot twist. So, I conclude that Colleen’s failure to properly structure a base for the story to build upon was a main concern.

In regards to Ryle’s trauma, it is something that he weaponizes to manipulate and guilt-trip Lily. It does not excuse the abuse and I think it’s gravely concerning for people to blame the abuse on his trauma. Although it’s understandable to feel bad for what he had to go through, it is all used to manipulate and abuse Lily.

Then we have Atlas. When I first read this book, I was quite taken with how caring and sweet Lily and Atlas�� childhood romance seemed to be. But upon reflection, I’ve become more and more concerned by Atlas�� presence in this book at all. I’ve seen countless girls swooning over the “I know it wasn’t a pity fuck, Lily. I was there�� line, yet Atlas had sex with Lily while she was a minor. I question why Colleen Hoover would choose to make it that way. It’s extremely unnecessary and the illegality of it could have been easily avoided had she chosen for them to be the same age. This again shows Colleen’s inability to write healthy relationships.

Furthermore, I found that the side romance in general greatly took away from the purpose of the book. The fact that Lily had to be saved by another man is truly a damaging thing to portray. Many women who experience domestic abuse do not have the option to leave just because there is a better man out there and it’s also damaging to make it seem that Lily is simply picking between Ryle or Atlas. Moreover, this expands my discontent with how Colleen chose to shove in aspects of her usual work to something so serious. A side love story was truly unnecessary for this, but I believe Colleen knew that if she wrote something without romance, it would not sell. Can I blame her for that? I’m not quite sure, but it certainly does not please me.

Deriving from what I’ve mentioned so far, particularly about Ryle, it bothers me how little conclusion Colleen offers at the end of the book. I have had to have conversation after conversation with people who misinterpreted the book, who still forgive Ryle and who think of “It Ends With Us�� as a romance book. For a while, my challenge question (for friend requests) was “What is your favourite (dark) romance book and why?�� And I cannot tell you the number of times people answered with “It Ends With Us��. Some people write in their reviews that even though Ryle was not Lily’s ultimate partner and just because it “did not work out��, they will still have love for Ryle in their heart and think that he just needs help. And unfortunately, I don’t think these people are to blame. With Colleen still allowing Ryle to have custody, it almost allows for a small redemption for his character. And I believe at the end of the book, Colleen should have written one page with the cycle of abuse and how it was shown throughout the novel, and a conclusion expressing that if you love Ryle, you should not, because everything that he did, he did it consciously and with purpose, through manipulation and guilt-tripping (weaponizing his trauma). I do appreciate however, that she included the domestic abuse hotlines.

I also think it is unacceptable for people to be recommending this book as just a “sad book�� or a “book to make you cry��, because diminishing a book that explores such a difficult and serious topic like domestic abuse, to an object that simply serves the purpose of evoking emotions from you, is extremely disrespectful and shallow. Especially considering that this is such a personal book to Colleen Hoover.

Another thing that I found to be really damaging about this book is the audience. There is this #coquette aesthetic on tiktok that I am sure you are aware of. I really to like the look of it etc. But it is a theme among this aesthetic to read books like "It Ends With Us" and "Lolita". I believe both of these texts are greatly misinterpreted, especially considering that it is often young girls who are reading these books from the ages of 11-15. Ignoring Lolita as that is a different topic, I am nearly certain that these girls buy books like “It Ends With Us�� purely for the cover. It's pink. And it fits the aesthetic.

I see people saying that they "love" “It Ends With Us�� and I find it greatly concerning. What do you love about it? I see people ignoring Lily's plotline and just adoring Atlas and his whole "I know it wasn't a pity fuck, Lily. I was there." They've transformed this as something to romanticise. Not to mention that I also see girls giggle at what seems to be a little inside joke of theirs when they quote "where did you get the magnet lily" or "you fell down the stairs". I am really beginning to think that this book has done more harm than good.

The writing wasn’t something I had a problem with. When I see people criticize Colleen Hoover, it tends to be because they call her writing “wattpad writing�� which is stupid, because people will say that any contemporary romance has “wattpad writing��. That’s not a great criticism, they should actually elaborate. Other than the quotes that I’ve disagreed with like “There’s no such thing as a bad person, only people who do bad things��, I found that Colleen Hoover’s writing flows well and that she has some iconic, well thought out quotes.

I wasn’t a huge fan of Lily writing her letters to Ellen and I didn’t really care at first, but in the Acknowledgement section of “It Ends With Us��, Colleen actually says thankyou to Ellen DeGeneres saying that she is “light when it comes to darkness��. Considering what an awful person everyone knows that Ellen is, I again struggle to understand why Colleen chose this specific detail when she could have chosen someone that was a much better person and influence. *I have been informed that because this book was written in 2016, Ellen was not known to be a bad person, although I still question Colleen's decision to make Lily write letters to a talk show host.

Veering off that topic and coming back to my problems with Ryle, is that I strongly despised how he cared for Lily when she was pregnant. I felt that Ryle cared more about the baby than Lily, and it continues to portray women as baby machines who are made to serve a purpose. The way he cared for her stomach and touched her stomach rather than her. It’s disgusting.

Something that also boiled my blood is the internal misogyny that I see Colleen weave into her books. Lily chooses to not decide whether to divorce Ryle or not until after she has the baby because she believes that her decision would be affected by her hormones. What the fuck?????? Was the fact that he tried to rape you and then he beat you not clear enough?

Furthermore, when Lily is trying to explain to Ryle that she wants to divorce him, she tells him something along the lines of “what if this baby girl came home to you and told you ‘daddy, this boy hits me but he apologized and said he wouldn’t do it again��, what if she came home with bruises��, and only then does that garner any sympathy from Ryle. This situation parallels the instances when men only feel remorse for things like sexual assault when they are told ‘what if it was your mother and sister��. It’s horrible and it made me deeply upset that I’ve seen reviews admiring how Ryle was “understanding�� after Lily explained that to him.

I believe Lily was a strong character to a degree and I agreed with the way she responded to certain things (or I would have done the same), but there are times where I would have been gone, and Lily stayed (like when Ryle begged her for sex). Still, you can really tell she did have a certain level of logic and reason, and tried to confront Ryle.

Something that really bugged me was the character Devin and how Colleen Hoover writes him as the gay stereotype. He's overly touchy with Lily, touching her breasts and pulling down her bra without her consent. This is truly such a disgusting and rude way to portray characters of the lgbtq+ community, especially considering that Colleen Hoover rarely diversifies her books (very few poc + lgbtq characters). It mainly frustrates me because Colleen Hoover clearly has a huge income from the sales of her books, and that she cannot be bothered to get sensitivity readers or better editors for these things is so concerning.

Another thing that was kind of unnecessary was this line: “A 2-year-old girl will have the same name even when she’s 22, Lily Bloom. Names aren’t something we eventually grow out of.�� I understand the meaning behind this sentence, suggesting that parents should put thought into their children's names, and that it should suit an adult as much as a child. But I also understand that this can be seen as quite inconsiderate towards transgender people, and just people who change their names in general, because that's obviously possible too. There are just so many things that could have been easily avoided, and for these things to not be noticed and fixed is quite lazy of the author.

Despite my problems with this book, I think the general idea that Colleen Hoover tried to present in this book was executed decently well at times, hence my two stars.

This is a very difficult read, especially if you relate to any of it at all so please do check trigger warnings and be careful because it can be very uncomfortable to see yourself in someone like Lily, or in her position. Much love to anyone who has been through anything like this, I hope you’re okay <3

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