Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ

Fuck me to life
Fuck me up inside
Give this door a ride
Make me more than just a swinging board,
Patch me up with clay
Make the bad guy pay
Save me from the oak planks I've become
Fuck meeeeee tooooo lifeeeee

Something about being called a good door made my human legs feel weak and shaky.

“It’s not that I think you’re gonna knock me up with little, uh, trapdoors, or something, it’s that I only trust lysol so much and doorknobs are kinda germ magnets. No offense. Hopefully that doesn’t fuck with the mojo but I don’t need to explain a UTI from this."

Knock her up with little trapdoors omg-

Wrapping my round brass protrusion in a soft cloth and a firm grip, she started polishing my knob with slow, smooth strokes that stirred something deep in my wood.

If I hadn’t already been made of wood, I’d be stiff as a board at the sight.

“I have no name but yours, Tana. I am your faithful guardian and protector, nothing more, nothing less. I am your door, and I love you.�

Me to my door: Why don't you do stuff like that? All you do is stub my toe and blow closed when I'm carrying in groceries

So the hero really is a door, confirmed