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Absurd Quotes
Quotes tagged as "absurd"
Showing 181-210 of 746
“It's not easy to be the best. But it helps if you're willing to buy your own trophies.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“I make music for people who dance like squids. Each song is fluid, and if you heard one you’d probably drown.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“I predicted The Financial Crisis of 2008 way back in 2010. In about a month it will be 2024, and you won't believe what I see coming.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“La lutte elle-même vers les sommets suffit à remplir un cÅ“ur d'homme. Il faut imaginer Sisyphe heureux.”
― The Myth of Sisyphus
― The Myth of Sisyphus
“I never use a shopping cart with a wonky wheel. Why fuss with all that, when I can carry my items in my pockets and that way they are all FREE?”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“White people have been accused of not seasoning our chicken. But what about other poultry? I season duck with layered flavors of various aquatic spices, like swimming, splashing, and powdered saxophone music.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“Pickleball IS life. In fact, the game should replace fiat currency as a facilitator of trade. If you want to sell something tangible like a duck, why price it in dollars? Just haggle over units of pickleball play equal in value to a swimming bird.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“Some people call me The Duck King, but that isn't true, because I was elected. That makes me The Duck President.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“I just stuffed my briefcase full of necessary items, and now I'm off to work. It's heavy to carry because it contains 333 dank memes and one baloney sandwich.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“You should learn how to play the flute. Then you could ride in the passenger seat of my car and play instrumental versions of classic 80s pop songs while I drive around on the clock for Uber.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“Growing up, my mom gave me the choice of either golf lessons or piano, and of course I chose the more musical option. That's how I learned to make triumphant trumpet noises with my mouth.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“You bring the Tupperware full of Leftover Meatloaf, and I’ll bring the heckinâ€� dang. I’ll also bring an empty container (my stomach).”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“I can make it rain, just by waiting. I'm like that all the time, some of the time.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“What's absurd is reducing workplace productivity by using precious fossil fuels to excessively cool an office building so that men wearing ornamental jackets will feel more comfortable.”
― The Anthropocene Reviewed: Essays on a Human-Centered Planet
― The Anthropocene Reviewed: Essays on a Human-Centered Planet
“The CDC could recommend condomless sex with camels, and some people would go out and fuck desert horses. Try not to get sand in your vagina.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“Do you suffer from constipation? Ask your doctor if prison is right for you. Nine out of ten dentists recommend.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“I've heard it said a man fully matures at age 43. I'm 41 and a half now, so I guess I have 18 months to fuck around and find out.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“I am as America as apple pie shaped like a pocket, so you can carry it in your pants to eat later. My blood is red, white, and blue, I didn't VOTE for the moon landing, but I did fake it, and that's all that matters.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“Psychological trigger codes used to be hidden words embedded in images. But what if the words are now invisible and inaudible and pulsed at you at a frequency that's easily absorbed by your penis?”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“I'm writing a new book: "How To Not Be Seen By Invisible Entities." The book only appears to be blank, but that's because it has to be read with interdimensional eyes, and I help you achieve those in chapter three.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“The sea level hasn't changed in a hundred years. Do you know why? Because I personally VOTED against climate change.”
― Powdered Saxophone Music
― Powdered Saxophone Music
“Ducks like balloons. Think about THAT next time your child has a birthday party and you choose to not invite all of mine.”
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“We smile for Sisyphus, not that he rejoices, but in our hearts, we paint his endless labor with the colours of our own hope.”
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“Went to the SavMart and spent one hundred dollars on baby carrots. Abandoned those carrots in the jewelry section at Macy's.”
― Skullcrack City
― Skullcrack City
“I have a trophy cabinet. It’s called a fridge, and I keep my ketchup on the same shelf as my 1991 runner-up.”
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“You need skills to be good at homesteading. You need farming, carpentry, and above all, you need to be able to impersonate Elvis. When society collapses, that’s probably what will save your life.”
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“Ever since I was a little boy, I've always been able to talk to cats. Of course, they act like they don't know what I'm saying and they ignore me, but that's just how they show they care.”
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“Money laundering is dirty business. Next time, try duck farming.”
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
― A Memoir of Memories and Memes
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