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“Healing generational trauma takes courage and strength. It’s common for dysfunctional families to deny their abuse. They silence victims and dump toxic shame onto them. Complicit families keep abuse alive from generation to generation, until one brave survivor boldly ends the cycle of abuse.”
― Dana Arcuri, Certified Trauma Recovery Coach, Soul Rescue: How to Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse & Heal Trauma

“This toxic pattern within the broken family system will continue from one generation to the next, until one brave survivor finally ends the cycle of abuse. The dysfunction, bullying, and abuse didn’t start with you, but it most certainly can end with you.”
― Dana Arcuri, Certified Trauma Recovery Coach, Soul Rescue: How to Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse & Heal Trauma

“Your pain didn't start with you, but it can end with you.”
― Stephanie M. Hutchins, Reclaim Your Life After Trauma

“Nobody goes no contact with a loving, caring, gentle, safe family. They end toxic relationships because all the other alternatives were exhausted and unsuccessful. They broke connections to abusive people because it was their last resort.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“After a moment, he calmed enough to see how his anger was a separate thing inside him, a dingy, surprise gift from his father.”
― Maggie Stiefvater, The Dream Thieves

“Where does the pain go when we die?
does it stay in the bed as it begins to stink�
does it racket through the home like a scream�
do the children inherit it like a sprawling estate�
And where does it go while we live?

Maybe the pain is like me, desperate to be seen in the lives of those around me. I will abandon others again and again until I can finally be free of my own abandonment.”
― Sondra Charbadze, The Sea Once Swallowed Me: A Memoir of Love, Solitude, and the Limits of Language

“If intergenerational trauma can alter DNA, why can’t intergenerational love?”
― Alicia Elliott, A Mind Spread Out on the Ground

“THE NO CONTACT RULE:

1. Zero contact; face to face & online.
2. No phone calls.
3. No text messaging.
4. No attending events where they're present.
5. No emails.
6. No letters, cards, or gifts.
7. No checking their social media profile.
8. No contacting their family and friends.
9. No combing through old photographs.
10. No going down memory lane.
11. Zero communication.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“But what do you do when trauma distorts love into something cloying and fraught? Unresolved ghosts just grow stronger across generations, destroying children with the very things their parents swore to save them from.”
― Tessa Hulls, Feeding Ghosts: A Graphic Memoir

“The depth at which we take in the preceding generations astonishes me. There is likely an epigenetic component to this as well as transmission through the internalizations that get passed down through the generations. Whole cultures are carried forward that way, so it makes sense that family legacies might be transmitted that way as well.”
― Bonnie Badenoch, The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships

“On a global scale, the international diaspora of Filipinos must be seen in the context of our search for a home. For many, the economic conditions of the Philippines can hardly be called home—pushing hundreds of thousands of men and women (primarily) to seek economic relief elsewhere in order to provide a home for the families they left behind in the Philippines. This diaspora must also be seen in the historical context of our imbalance as a result of colonialism/imperialism and the displacement of the self through negation by the master’s narratives. That this diaspora is perceived by the Philippine government as its own version of “foreign aidâ€� is symptomatic of a consciousness that remains uncritical of its marginal situatedness. The paradox of the “colonized taking care of the colonizerâ€� is being played out in hospitals and convalescent homes, where Filipino nurses abound; in Europe and in the United States, where Filipino nannies and domestic workers are taking care of other people’s children It is evident in Japan’s Filipino entertainers and in Denmark and Australia’s Filipino mail-order brides, who provide caretaking services, especially to men. This is the most stark and depressing legacy of colonization as a patriarchal legacy—the exploitation of women”
― Leny Strobel

“I feared putting a child through more pain than I had gone through. Yet the more I tried to avoid acting like the men in my childhood, the more them I seemed to become.”
― Lucas Bessire, Running Out: In Search of Water on the High Plains

“With gratitude, I have become a healing balm to thousands of people, if not more, who have suffered child abuse, sibling abuse, a dysfunctional family, narcissistic abuse, sexual assaults, and hellish traumatic events. Most importantly, other trauma survivors know they are not alone.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“The scapegoat is the family punching bag. On a daily basis, you are singled out for all of the collective ridicule, made into the butt of every joke, and excluded from family events, holidays, and important legal matters. It doesn't take long for outsiders or other relatives to take note of your role and to be drawn into the destructive dynamics. Family scapegoats are belittled, humiliated, battered, rejected, betrayed, and treated poorly. It's a clear case of psychological abuse, manipulation, and harassment.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“As we follow and respond, our people have the opportunity to teach us about the intricacies of our multigenerational inner world and the processes that can heal at such a deep level.”
― Bonnie Badenoch, The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships

“Axel’s eyes are hazelnut and shift with the light and his mood. It makes him seem elusive and slippery, almost complicated. He’s not. He just has to be fed, kept busy, and reminded to wipe himself.”
― Wayne Ng, The Family Code (206)

“The things that come naturally to me are getting by (yes, that’s debatable), getting out when the shit’s hitting the fan, and getting the first punch in (unless I’ve been suckered). I’m good at those. References are available if you don’t believe me.”
― Wayne Ng, The Family Code (206)

“The CAS sent me to a therapist. He actually wasn’t half bad at first—real young, kinda cute, a bit stuck up with degrees in fancy IKEA frames all over his concrete walls and new-agey music playing. I mean, what kind of therapist has background music? Like was he going to massage my feet too? No doubt, he was making good money, though. To be honest, if he had made a move on me, I might have been okay with it.”
― Wayne Ng, The Family Code (206)

“Sometimes we don't get to understand things. People. We just got to try to be better than the things that spit us out. I don't know why my momma like she is, but I love her and got to keep on with it. I can't make the people I love no different. I can't change the past. All I can do is love myself and my kids enough to move forward. Love my people where they is and fight like hell not to let nobody else mistakes—nobody else pain—break me ever again.”
― LaToya Watkins, Perish

“After spending five decades of being beaten down, mistreated, and stabbed in the back, little Dana grew up. Little Dana fearlessly faced her trauma wounds. Little Dana cracked open that terrifying door to process and to address everything. And when I write everything, I mean ‘every rotten thing said and done to harm me.â€� Everything from my early childhood sexual abuse, child neglect, psychological abuse, physical abuse, unfit parenting by my narcissistic mother, to my sister’s spouse who sexually assaulted me, to every imaginable covert scheme by my six toxic siblings (AKA Flying Monkeys) who sadistically enjoyed hurting me. They each took great pleasure in trying to destroy me, my life, my health, my relationships, my career, and my reputation.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“The dysfunctional family relationships are disastrous. Poisonous. There can't be reconciliation. We cannot restore a destructive relationship with abusive siblings when they won't repent. Repentance requires them to turn away from their transgressions and evil schemes. In most cases, toxic siblings won't repent.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“SIX ROLES OF THE DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY:

1. The Narcissist
2. The Enabling Parent
3. The Golden Child
4. The Forgotten Child
5. The Bully Sibling
6. The Family Scapegoat”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“Family mobbing is a strategic process of power and coercive control. What makes mobbing so insidious - and so underreported - is that here, the family is the site of violence, trauma, and shame.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“In 1991, betrayal trauma was originated by Jennifer Freyd, PhD, an American psychology researcher, author, and educator. She states, 'During trauma it is usually not safe or possible for individuals to consciously access their emotional reactions or experiences, awareness often emerges after trauma ceases.”
― Dana Arcuri CTRC, Toxic Siblings: A Survival Guide to Rise Above Sibling Abuse & Heal Trauma

“Orangtua adalah pekerjaan yang kesepian. Kalau emosi mereka menemukan jalur pelampiasan, mereka akan terus meneroka jalur itu.”
― Wu Xiaole, On Children

“Hero was touched by the small gesture of courtesy, at first only minutely, and then, for no reason at all, deeply and wholly. It was possible she was about to cry, here in this kitchen, for the first time since she'd arrived in America. To prevent that from happening, she stuffed her mouth with an entire quarter of the pizza, then huffed and gasped as the molten bite burned her tongue.”
― Elaine Castillo, America Is Not the Heart

“The people in my life found spaces to rest while navigating a racist culture, and they worked themselves into a deadly grind cycle to survive. They straddled the lines between exhaustion and always thriving. They moved mountains with their faith alone and created pathways for invention that I am still uncovering. They resisted every moment by existing in a world that was not welcoming or caring.”
― Tricia Hersey, Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto

“The city had not yet woken on the frigid Sunday morning of February 20, 2011, when the body of a young Irish woman was found outside St. Brigid's Church in Manhattan's East Village. The news reports cited alcoholism, homelessness, and hypothermia as contributing factors in her death. They said that earlier that month, on St. Brigid's feast day she had turned thirty-five years old. They said she wanted to be an artist. They said her name was Grace Farrell.”
― Carmel Mc Mahon, In Ordinary Time: Fragments of a Family History

“I do think I've seen the generation that I've seen grow up have different resources, have different skills and options around dealing with that harm, and that makes a difference for me.

But I did have a hope that like, OK, we had to go through all this stuff, but at least we can have this set of children that we can see from here, this set of children that we are raising in this context and they will not have to go through things that are very similar.

And they have gone through things that are very similar, and that is something that, you know, intellectually, we understand that these things are intergenerational cycles of violence, and it's really hard to accept that it will be incrementally different, but not totally gone within the span of a decade or two.”
― Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, Beyond Survival: Strategies and Stories from the Transformative Justice Movement

“There is a popular misconception in many societies that offenders who are genetically related to you are entitled to forgiveness. This makes little sense.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms