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oh yes, so VERY many spoilers! and unladylike language, sorry.


p.1: god help me. Here we go.

p.8: yep, Edward is already "going overboard" protecting Bella.

p.20: Her parents think it's a good idea for her to marry this weirdo at 18? They never think ANYTHING is a good idea.

p.33: Vampire babies! creepy! in a good way.

p.58: Jacob!

p.72: I swear Bella never just goes anywhere, you always have to DRAG her like a toddler.

p.85: I think they just had sex!! OMG!!

p.86: now of course we have to suffer through pages and pages of Edward being "guilty" which means basically he is an asshole.

p.108: she MAKES him have sex with her again, on their HONEYMOON. What a slut.

p.121: oh, please no. Don't be pregnant.

p.123: God dammit.

p.124: The pregnancy is already showing??? huh?

p.132: Edward cold and furious for the 1985674th time

p.145: Jacob POV!

p.151: This whole thing with the imprinting on a two-year old is just so fucked up.

p.153: However, "I'd seen Quil play peekaboo for an hour straight without getting bored"--HAHAHA!

p.174: Oh, I get it, the vampire baby grows really really fast! And also: EW.

p.177: Edward racked with guilt for the 7893902057th time.

p.274: GAH! It broke her rib?? I am NEVER getting pregnant. Ever.

p.327: Haha, she wants to name it either Edward (of course) or..."Renesmee"? Really? No, really??? Oh please let it be a girl.

p.333: I hope we see this red-haired chick again; I like her.

p.350: OH MY GOD. I know I said "ew" before, but I truly had no idea. EW EW EW EW EW.

p.353: I am still horrified, but HAHAHAHA! RENESMEE!! Awesome.

p.354: Wow, I really didn't think she would actually have Bella become a vampire!

p.360: THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE WHAT I THINK IT IS, THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY.

p.377: So apparently becoming a vampire feels like the worst torture imaginable, ever ever, but she's not going to scream because it might upset Edward.

p.405: Well, thank god she is able to find a flaw in her looks even though she's a goddesslike beauty now. It just wouldn't be Bella if she didn't hate herself.

p.409: Bella is the most gracefulest, loveliest vampire ever! She can even walk in heels now!

p.420: Really, she is THE MOST AMAZING VAMPIRE THAT HAS EVER EXISTED. Everyone is very impressed.

p.449: Oh lord, it WAS what I thought it was. Okay, so you are a teenage werewolf, and you form an unbreakable soul bond with the HALF-VAMPIRE DAUGHTER of the girl you have been in love with forever, who is ALSO now a vampire, and married to another vampire with disturbing rage issues, and you know you are going to marry this VAMPIRE BABY when she grows up (I suppose she doesn't have any choice in this), so how do you feel?

Fulfilled, apparently.

So what is going to happen to Leah now? I thought she and Jacob might end up together, but of course that wouldn't be DISTURBING ENOUGH, would it. Maybe she and her brother can get married or something.

p.463: Waitaminute. If Renesmee (heh!) is growing that fast, does that mean...?
Probably she'll be married to Jacob in a couple weeks.

p.474: Bella is relieved that even though she's a vampire now, her "essential core traits" of being a killjoy and a whiner are still intact.

p.485: Hee! Edward is a much better musician than the rest of his family, because while he was practicing, and reading about science, and learning languages, they were too busy having sex all the time! For real! Because vampires never get tired, so they never have to stop! Awesome.
Apparently they also can only have sex if they're married.

p.504: Coldly furious.

p.532: Coldly furious.

p.567: This entire series encapsulated in one sentence: "Wasn't shielding her more important than answering her questions?"

p.586: Wouldn't it make more sense to explain first, and THEN show them the vampire baby?

p.602: This whole thing about the different vampire powers is cool!

p.608: AWESOME. There is a fat vampire who is beautiful and the leader of her clan!

p.611: HAHAHA "someone is going to have to provide an index* (*see page 756)"

p.612: Huh. New word. "ferine" adj. Untamed; feral.

p.704: Coldly furious.

p.736: Oh good, so Renesmee should be able to get married by age seven and avoid the extra ten years of tedious waiting to be joined with her soulmate.

p.753: "No one's ever loved anyone as much as I love you." Yeah, yeah.

p.755: THE END. Okay, it started out pretty horrifyingly, but I enjoyed the last third or so. I still think Edward has no personality, but I guess that's what some people like.

And the red-haired girl never showed up again. Boo.